(Closed) Worried I'm dating an alcoholic

posted 4 years ago in Christian
Post # 46
Member
2924 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

99bee:  Way to go stereotyping people that belong to country clubs.  My parents have belonged to one for years and aren’t at all what you’ve described.  I’ve never heard my parents gossip about infidelity or shady stuff going on there. FWIW both my parents work very hard to be able to afford a luxury like that.

theblondebee:  I don’t know that I would characterize your boyfriend as an alcohlic based soley on what you posted.  Lots of people sneak alcohol into places when they don’t want to pay the exhorbitant prices charged.  As a PP said, do you know for sure he drove home drunk?  Just because he felt crappy the next day doesn’t mean he was intoxicated at the time he drove home.

I’m not trying to make excuses for him but it does sound like you’re not totally compatible.  He loves sports, you don’t.  He loves to golf, you don’t.  He sets his schedule around his golf dates, you want someone to make you the number one priority.  You want someone that’s not going to drink and miss church; for him it’s not as big a deal.  While it would have been nice for him to attend your graduation, I don’t think that in and of itself is a deal breaker.

It sounds like you want permission to end the relationship.  If you’re not feeling it 110%, do both of you a favor and move on.

Post # 47
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think he is an alcoholic. I think he is a spoiled brat that likes to party. 

You guys are not compatable… Move on. You are not his wife or his mother and therefor do not owe him anything (like trying to help or talk to him about drinking).

Post # 52
Member
2924 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

theblondebee:  I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but hearing he knowingly drove drunk really bothers me. He may not be a full blown alcoholic, but he definitely has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol 

At this point I think you need to decide how invested you are in this relationship. The drunk driving would be a deal breaker for me and if I really liked this guy, I would have a heart to heart talk with him about everything. I know it’s only been 6 months but sometimes circumstances dictate having these big talks sooner rather than later.

I’m not too concerned about him living at home either. He has plans and it doesn’t appear that he’s just freeloading off his parents.

However, from what you’ve said it sounds like you’re more invested in the relationship than he is. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that’s not 100% into me. 

I wish you a lot of luck.

Post # 55
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

theblondebee: Hi. FWIW, I am an alcoholic in recovery. First of all, NO ONE on this board can tell you whether your boyfriend is an alcoholic. Anyone who says “he doesn’t sound like an alcohol” knows fuck all about alcoholism. And that’s okay, because most people don’t. I certainly didn’t. People think you need to be an unemployed, everyday drinker to be an alcoholic. Not true AT ALL. It can be a long road to that kind of bottom and there are mililons of people toeing the line between “alcohol abuser” and “alcoholic” (DSM now recognizes it as a spectrum of “alcohol use disorder” although I think AUD blurs the categories too much). I will say though, if close relatives believe he has a drinking problem, that’s a warning sign.

He may not be an alcoholic, who knows? But it’s something to watch out for. And FYI, drinking is only ONE symptom of alcoholism. It’s a complex illness and it comes out in lots of different ways and it makes relationships difficult. If he is an alcoholic, he will probably be compulsive/impulsive in other ways. If you want to PM me we can talk more. Good luck!

Post # 59
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

theblondebee:  normally I would say face to face is best but you seem to be scared of him or being alone with him so I would say just do it over the phone. 

Post # 60
Member
565 posts
Busy bee

I would say in person but go with what your comfortable with. Are you worried about his reaction?

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