theblondebee: You say that social drinking doesn’t bother you, but you sound judgemental when you say that “he did have hangovers multiple times in college and after he graduated” and “he drank waaaay more than a couple of beers over the course of a football game.” These are normal things. Many, if not MOST, people will have multiple hangovers over the course of four years, and many, many people will drink more than a couple of beers when watching a football game – especially if there’s tailgating followed by the game itself.
Even when you say “His older brother was staying there for the night and caught him drunk in the house” it sounds judgemental. It implies that if his brother “caught” him doing something wrong – but drinking, yes even being drunk!, isn’t inherently wrong.
“I had planned to spend all of Sunday afternoon with him and did spend the time with him. However, he felt irritable and nauseated, and did not feel like doing anything. I guess it hit me that day; why would I want to spend time with him when he does this to himself?” <– These are your morals, and there’s nothing wrong with them. But being irritable and nauseated are simply signs of a hangover. Your boyfriend got drunk and had a hangover – there’s nothing wrong with that, and it doesn’t make him an alcoholic.
You can choose (and have chosen) not to be with him because you don’t want to be with someone who drinks and occassionally has hangovers. I just object to the idea that somehow the very act of drinking or having a hangover is somehow inherently “wrong.”
As for the drunk driving:
If he truly drove drunk, then that’s absolutely a problem, but your original post didn’t indicate that he drank way too much, did shots, was completely drunk, and then drove home. You said: “Last weekend, he got drunk when he was watching a football game at a friend’s house. He ended up driving home drunk and felt terrible the next day because he overdid it.”
The reason I doubted whether he actually drove drunk, is that you seem to have a really skewed idea of what “being drunk” or “being hungover” looks like. You seem to be turned off by pretty normal behavior regarding alcohol, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think you might consider him to be “driving drunk” if he had a beer at 6pm and drove home at 11pm. If that’s not what happened, and he truly did get completely wasted and drive drunk – I agree, that’s a problem. It makes him an idiot, a douchbag, and a danger to society.
In that case, you’ve already decided to leave him, and I agree that it’s a good idea. You two are not compatible.
I’m not trying to start a fight with you about this. You’ve decided to leave him, and I actually think that’s great. I just think that next time you get into a relationship, you need to be really up front with the guy about what your expectations are. You should expect that most 30 year old men will drink (yes, even to the point of being drunk) with their buddies, and will then have hangovers. If this isn’t something you’re cool with – fine! You do you! There’s nothing wrong with that! But you should tell them that up front, rather than dating them and then being disappointed when they don’t live up to your standards regarding alcohol consumption.