(Closed) Worried my family won't support my engagement.

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: If I were your daughter, would you be against an engagement in this situation?
    Yes : (9 votes)
    29 %
    No : (22 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I think perhaps you ought to spend some time living near each other before you decide to get married. Maybe get settled into a job and live on your own for a while before you get engaged, I think that would help people to take you and your relationship a bit more seriously. But to answer your question if my daughter were in your situation I wouldn’t be against an engagement but I do think I would encourage her not to rush. You are still young, there is plenty of time to get engaged and married after you’ve settled into your life.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1830 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    You are an adult. Nobody has to approve of anything you do except yourself.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @pharmy:  I agree with this.

    I know you don’t live near one another, but it’s been 5 years.  It’s not like you met 5 weeks ago and you’re going to run off to another country to get married when you barely know him. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3772 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    If anything, LDR bring up more difficulties than people living together/living near each other their whole relationship. So you may have an advantage.. Some people are just lucky to meet the person they were meant to be with early on in their life.. in your case your first real relationship. I would be worried about your parent’s support.. BUT it is your life and you’re grown up. I wish the best of luck for you!!!!

    Post # 10
    Member
    778 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think you’re worrying too much. You are an adult now, and you’ve had a successful LDR with this man for five years. It will not come as news to your family that you two are thinking about engagement and marriage. If you show them that you are happy and confident in your own decision instead of anxiously seeking their approval, some of their fears may be laid to rest.

    All parents worry about their children’s happiness and well-being, and that almost inevitably entails some anxiety over their choice of spouse, readiness for marriage, etc. Being the “right” age to get engaged or having a “sufficiently established” career (and don’t these things vary by individual?) might mitigate their worries, but there’s no magical point in time at which they will disappear. And, honestly, people who marry later in life face their own challenges (adjusting to living with someone else after years of independence; a much shorter timeline if they want to have children; finding the right person as more and more of their peers pair off).

    Good luck! I’m sure it will all work out. They may be much happier about this news than you expect.

    Post # 12
    Member
    101 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    TOTALLY know where you’re coming from. I’ll be 25 when we marry and we got engaged a few months ago (so I was 23) and my Fiance is also 28 (and my first boyfriend!). I got a lot of negative comments from my family (only the immediate family, though), but FI’s family was super into it. I addressed my parents first through email and then they called me and I talked to them about it. This worked in the sense that I didn’t have to hear them groaning over the phone when they found out, but it also made them mad because they felt condescended to. Just be direct with them, and establish strong boundaries around your relationship. Let your parents know what is hurtful and what isn’t–it will prove to them that you’re mature enough to start seperating your life from theirs.

    Like PPs said, it’s your life. You sound like you really love your SO and that’s what matters–not how old you are or how close together you live. Fiance and I were long distance for the first 1.2 years of our relationship and he is not close to my family either–but I love him and I don’t care if my family disapproves. Your marriage is about you and your SO, not about your parents, you, and your SO.

    Also, I’m impressed that you dated for 5 years with such a distance between you! That must have taken such dedication and planning. And I know what you mean about feeling like everyone is judging you. It’s hard not to care what other people think sometimes. :/

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