(Closed) Worried my family won't support my engagement.

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

Hi everyone, new here! I’ll try to keep it short 🙂
 

When I was 18, I went on vacation to Australia and ended up meeting the love of my life. Against the advisement of everyone, we started a long distance relationship. For the past 5 years, we’ve been flying back and forth between the US & Australia, seeing each other about 3-4 times per year, with visits lasting anywhere from 1 week to 2 months at a time. 

I am now 23 years old and my partner is older (28). He has a stable career and I have recently finished University, although I’ve yet to establish my own career. Anyway, he has been hinting that he wants to propose this year and I am over the moon excited about it, but I am fearful that my family will disapprove for the following reasons:

1. My age (23 at engagement, and 24/25 at time of wedding)

2. I never really dated anybody before him

3. I have not lived on my own yet, and as I said, I am not settled in a career yet.

4. Because of the distance, my family isn’t as close to him as I would like 

However, I love this man and I know he is the one I want to be with. Over the past five years, we have tried to cultivate a relationship between him and my family – they are all very warm toward him and like him, but of course because of the distance, they do not know him as well as I would prefer. I get along very well with his family and his mother has been hinting for about 2 years that she thinks we should be married. I am not at all worried about his family’s reaction, just my own sadly!

The international LDR has caused a lot of heartache, we have both been committed and faithful and we have made it work for 5 years, throughout college and long separations, and I feel we deserve a bit of happiness now. I thought if we get engaged at the end of this year, and schedule a wedding for 2014, then I’d have the next year to settle myself in a job, save up for the wedding, perhaps prove I’m more adult than my family thinks. I realize worrying about their opinion is juvenile, but I am very close with my family and their support means the world to me.

I guess my questions are…am I crazy for wanting this? And how can I speak about it with my family? I want my engagement to be a happy, exciting time, but I am so worried that I’ll be met with lectures and disappointment. 

I want us to finally start our life together, that’s all. We’ve spent as much time together as possible thus far, but because of immigration issues, living in the same country before marriage is just not a possibility. 

I just feel so sad 🙁 

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

The problem is though, because we live in 2 different countries, we realistically cannot spend time living together before marriage. We have looked into every route for visas (including employment) and it just isn’t possible in our situation. We have had several trips which lasted for about 2-3 months at a time, but that is the most we can do. We’ve been doing this for about 5 years and have spent as much time together as possible, but living together isn’t an option unfortunately…I wish it was. Immigration laws are quite strict.

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

Thank you for the replies everyone!

We have definitely tried to have as “normal” a relationship as possible, but I understand it’s not the same as living near someone…about a year ago he began talking about marriage and I said that I didn’t believe we had spent enough time together in person, so I went and lived with him for an entire summer (I know, 3 months isn’t that long!) but it was the most we could do. We talk every day, visit every few months, have spent Christmases/birthdays together…our relationship has also weathered some difficulties (his father died a year and a half into dating) but I believe  we had what it takes to make it work.

Maybe I’m just tooting my own horn, haha.

We have talked about the future and he has agreed to give living in the US a try because it would be difficult for me to move to Australia (only child, very tight family)…I’m hoping that will soften the blow.

I think the biggest concern for everyone is “You’re so young, what’s the rush, etc etc?” and I need to remind them that while I am young, we’ve been together 5 years and we actually can’t be together until some sort of visa is in place. They were all worried I’d run off to Australia, elope and never come back, never finish college, and I didn’t. We put our relationship on hold so I could get my degree. Now I just want to give us a real start!

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

Ooh the poll is nearly neck and neck! Haha.

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

Thank you, I hope you’re right! I think I worry too much about how other people view me and my decisions. I have this fear of judgment from people I care about and even from strangers. I’m worried people will wonder “What the heck is she thinking?” for getting engaged so young, even if I’m sure he’s the one I want to be with. And being my first boyfriend…I think most people seem to date around, so it’s “weird” to stay with your first to my friends and family. God I don’t know why I care! 

• HerNameWasLola
• 9 years ago

Thank you very much for the kind words 🙂 It certainly was difficult in that LDR so I’m hoping people will appreciate the commitment we made and how dedicated we were to making things work! Congratulations on your engagement lovelyowl, I hope you and your future husband have a long happy life together!

For those who answered ‘Yes’ to my poll, I’d love to hear reasons – no argument of course but I am curious as to why you would be against engagement for your child, so I can prepare myself for any reactions from my family. Cheers!