Post # 1
How do you approach your friends politely to tell them not to get shwasted at your wedding?
I come from a fairly onservative Christian family and my fiancee’s family is SUPER small-town conservative Baptist family. My fiancee and I are only occassional drinkers but we seem to run with friends who love to party. Normally, crazy wasted people don’t bother me (I don’t mind nursing the drunk people + cleaning up vomit) BUT not about to do that about my wedding.
Specifically, my unnofficial MOH/bestie loves to party…Like, party way too hearty. I don’t want her drunk mental break down sobbing about how she is “losing her best friend” at my wedding because the day isn’t about her. (Not to mention I have seen her get drunk enough to pee herself not once but three times).
How do I put that nicely and bluntly? I feel condesnding and bridezilla-y by bringing it up but I also think that if I don’t? There is a good chance I may have a 2 or 3 way too drunk people on my hands.
Post # 3
Perhaps you don’t have an open bar?
Post # 4
I would say do beer and wine only, or do an open bar for cocktail hour only, so there’s not so much free flowing booze.
Post # 5
@HisIrishPrincess: Currently the plan is just craft beer + wine so that can help deter some of it. But Maid/Matron of Honor is like 120 pounds and can slam wine…
Post # 6
@kateisstoned: I would say something like, “since the family’s on both sides don’t drink much we have decided to go to XXX for the after party. That way no one will get offended at the wedding.” Then just tell all the partiers to go to XXX bar/restaraunt after the reception for the after party.
Post # 7
I’d tell the friends that just as a heads up, the fiance’s family is ultra conservative, so you’d appreciate if they kept the drinking to a reasonable level, to keep the families happy. I’d also tell the venue who they are, so the bartender can either water down their drinks or cut them off. Most venues are used to handling these situations.
Post # 8
@kateisstoned: How about something like, “MOH, if you pee on yourself at my wedding, I’m going to take pictures of it and post it all over facebook.” LOL
Honestly, I’m not sure you can really do anything about it if your guests want to get trashed at an open bar. You could always do drink tickets, or limit the bar to beer and wine only, but other than a dry wedding, there is no way to ensure sober guests.
Post # 9
@MariContrary: & @iadornyou – thank you so much for the suggestions, both awesome ideas!
Post # 10
From a “traditional” Etiquette point of view… you would say nothing… as doing so would embarass people.
If one of the key partiers is your Maid/Matron of Honor… I assume then that you guys are close. So you could perhaps broach the topic in a half-hearted joking kind of way…
BUT there is nothing to say she’s gonna heed your advice.
— — —
Lol, my usual advice on this topic would be IF it is a potential problem in your life and makes you uncomfortable socially (be around your friends) … then it typically means you are hanging with the wrong crowd.
Something to think about.
PS… Eeew on the vomit comment… I’d certainly be looking for a classier bunch of friends… or in the very least folks who can hold their liquor better (know when to stop)
Post # 11
then find that girl a NURSE …. does she have a BF?
Post # 12
You don’t say anything. You talk to your bartender(s) and you voice your concern. An experienced bartender should know how to water down drinks and/or cut people off when they’ve had too much.
I worried about this too – but people behaved. I made sure there was plenty of food at the cocktail hour and at dinner – so people weren’t drinking on an empty stomach.
We also weren’t allowed to do shots at our venue – and I think that helped greatly.
Post # 13
I don’t know if you’re planning on getting ready champagne,mimosas etc, but eliminating them, or only having minimal pre-function alcohol may mean that everyone is starting from a sober level, rather than starting with light buzz.
Post # 14
I think you need to trust that they’ll act appropriately and say nothing. There’s no right way to bring this up to adults over the age of 21. Make sure you let your bartneders know they need to be responsible about not over-serving guests. We’ve got some serious drinkers amongst our friends and family and there were no issues despite having an open bar and an awesome martini ice luge!
Post # 15
I agree with not having an open bar. Also, I have seen open bars, but they only serve wine and beer and most importantly, no shots.
Post # 16
I would maybe just talk to her and inform her of the families and ask if she can keep it under control a little better than normal. And then have someone tell the bartender beforehand so he can watch her better and water down her drinks if need be.
You can’t control her or stop her from getting drunk. People who want to do that will do it regardless. Bar or no bar.