Post # 1
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
I’ll be getting engaged next month and am super stressed worrying that no one will want to be a bridesmaid for me. My two problems are that I’m older, so most of my friends are already married with kids, and also that I have moved around A LOT in the last 15 years, so almost all my favorite people live a plane trip away.
I need help finding a way to extend the invitation that doesn’t make me sound like a desperate loser with no friends who’s grasping at straws by inviting random girls I barely ever see. They are mainly people who I have kept in touch with for 10+ years, see every 1-2 years, but plan to see every 1-2 years for the next 40+ years. We email/text/FB and exchange Christmas cards and stuff.
I also want to let them know that I plan to be extremely cost sensitive and that this won’t be an expensive nightmare experience. Like I’d love it if people could come to my bachelorette in addition to the wedding, but if they can’t swing it that is fine. And I want to find a dress that everyone can easily afford.
I’m also thinking of asking the serious girlfriends of two of the groomsmen. I just met them all a year and a half ago when I met Mr. Horse, but I like them. The only reason I’m hesitant on that is that they both just moved a few states away. I do feel like I’ll stay in touch with one more than the other, but I kind of met them as a unit. So I’m not sure about that either.
Any suggestions for how to get all my favorie people to say yes??
Post # 3
Member
4688 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@TrousseauHorse: Maybe don’t have any? I’ve seen this more and more lately. Sounds like your friends are very far away and have busy lives… I don’t know. Do you have one person who could be a MOH? Just a thought!
(this is coming from someone who hands down wishes she had done this. I have 7 BMs and it’s not a good idea…)
Post # 4
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
First off, major hugs from another DC-area bride!
My nearest bridesmaid lives in Baltimore, and my MOH is in NYC. The others are in Pennsylvania and Ohio. I haven’t lived near any of them in years, but had some seriously excited responses once I asked. I would ask who you want and see how THEY feel and then plot your next move. You might be surprised by people’s responses. Just be honest with them that you want them there.
Post # 5
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
@TrousseauHorse: I soooo strongly believe and I’m sure other bees will agree, if the choice isn’t super clear, then hold off. It’s easy to wait to ask people (I waited about 6 months after getting engaged) but it is really hard to ask people to step down.
If everybody is far away and it might make things difficult, maybe ask them to be a “non-bridesmaid”? I originally wanted to do this, but thought about it for a long time (6 months) and decided I wanted a bridal party. 🙂
http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/wedding-party-alternatives-non/
Post # 6
Member
2955 posts
Sugar bee
TBH I wouldn’t have any bridesmaids then. I think it will probably save you the stress especially since you aren’t really close to any of them anyway.
Post # 7
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
@TrousseauHorse: If it is that much of a concern, maybe you could just have them attend the wedding as guests. Plenty of people don’t have bridal parties nowadays and there is no reason that you “must” do this, especially if it is a source of stress.
If they are close friends, then they will say because they want to. I don’t think there is a way to convince them, and I’m not sure it’s right to try and force people into doing something they aren’t keen on doing.
You hit the nail right on the head when you mentioned age. I am too old to be in anyone’s wedding – I have my own priorities, my own family, and my own goals. That is what my money goes towards. I can’t imagine I would say “yes” to anyone.
Post # 8
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
Ugh wow. Was not expecting all that 🙁
Post # 9
Member
1722 posts
Bumble bee
Just tell them that you would love for them to stand up there with you and that you will be super aware of their budgets when picking out dresses and helping them with costs in anyway. Also tell them that even though you would love for them to stand up with you that you understand if they are unable to do it because of distance or money. Just explain that you don’t expect much from them, just support 🙂 I’m sure they will be happy to stand up with you on your wedding day.
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