Post # 1
I’m not a very bridal-y bride, I’m a huge introvert and weddings scare me. I’ve never dreamt of my wedding day, and I still don’t. I absolutely love and adore my fiance and cannot wait to be his wife but I’m still struggling with what is expected of me on the day. I think there are way too many expectations/traditions on what a wedding should be and if you don’t follow them then your wedding will be considered ‘boring’. In my opinion, and no offense to anyone who enjoys this stuff, but I think reception activities are ‘fluff’ and don’t appeal to me. We won’t be doing a first dance, parent dances, a bouquest/garter toss… everything is going to be pretty casual. As the day gets closer I’m worried that everyone will expect these things, because apparently that is what weddings are, and they will all be disappointed. I have no regrets about not doing those things but I don’t want people to think negatively about me, especially my fiance’s family.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this, I think I just needed to vent. I feel so alone and that nobody around me understands how I feel, they think I’m being difficult. I don’t hate traditional weddings but I don’t feel they reflect my personality; I’m not show-offy and I’m definitely not the life of the party. I go to weddings and I watch two people in love and no matter what I have a great time. I don’t care about how fancy everything is, how gourmet the food is or how great the DJ was…I care about the love I witnessed. I wish more guests were like me 🙁
Post # 3
@foreverthine: I feel you! We are just going out to dinner after our ceremony with our 17 guests! No DJ, dancing, etc, etc. It just wasn’t for us.
Before my grandmother knew our plans, we were just talking about weddings in general, and I brought up my dad and stepmom’s wedding. My grandma goes, “Oh, I didn’t like that wedding that much. No dancing or anything!” Haha, Fiance and I were just like, “Welp, guess you’re not going to like ours that much either!”
Honestly, if your family and friends are there, they WILL be happy for you, and they WON’T judge you. They might think, “Hmm, not exactly how I would have MY wedding,” but that doesn’t mean they won’t love the day for what it is–an expression of you and your partner’s love and commitment!
Post # 4
Thank you so much for your response<3 It was just what I needed to hear right now. You said it best when you said “doesn’t mean they won’t love the day for what it is”. That is my basically my worry, without those other things will people still love our wedding? I’m going to relax tonight and check back to your message whenever I start to feel like this again!!
Post # 5
Omg no worries. You make sure that your wedding is enjoyable to YOU and hubby before any of the guests.
I had a small destination wedding. 14 people. We had a cake and toasting “reception”. I cut the cake and danced one dance and we ate the cake and just hung out for a bit. After that we went to dinner at House of Blues.
You know what? Weddings that are all the same get forgotten. Yours will be different and will stand out when people think back on it.
Post # 6
I think what you’re experiencing is normal. I say this, because I’m in the exact same boat. We’re getting married in a month. We never envisioned a wedding. We’d have loved to elope. But circumstances just didn’t permit. We’re having essentially a late evening – no dinner – cocktails/desserts/late night snacks wedding. No dance floor. No formal dances. No garter non-sense.
I worry people will be bored. But we’re quiet people who just want to hang out, have a drink and shoot the breeze, laugh and relax. I have gathered a few low key activities like croquet and a coloring wall. I’m thinking of getting a pinata to end the night with – a nice silly substitute to garter toss non-sense. And seeing our tipsy friends hit stuff with a stick should be memorable.
The people who know you well will just be happy you are happy. Those who want to complain – will complain – but there is always a complainer. Ignore it and have a great day. Your love is what is important – and you will be a great bride.
Post # 7
The wedding should be a reflection of you and your fiance. If you guys don’t want to have a dance or garter toss, no cake cutting etc. You totally don’t have to!
If people don’t like it screw it! Haha it’s your wedding, not theirs. 🙂
We are having a pretty casual wedding, not in a church, a friend marrying us, no cake cutting etc we are having cupcakes (he wanted them) and cookies (I wanted them). Probably a couple speeches, no slide shows or anything like that. Possibly no bouquet toss…whatever happens it will be perfect and accomplish what it was suppose to…a celebration of our marriage.
Post # 8
@foreverthine: We didn’t do dancing or garter/bouquet toss either. It was perhaps a bit easier because non-dancing weddings are fairly common here. The reception was more like a big banquet – a few speeches, and people just moved around and socialised. It suited us perfectly.
As others have said: it’s your wedding, do it your way. If someone’s unhappy because you didn’t do a first dance, well that’s their problem. But real life isn’t like “Four Weddings” – most if not all guests will just enjoy your wedding instead of critique it.
Post # 9
I’m the same way… that’s why we’re having four guests.
The last thing I would ever want is a big wedding.
Post # 10
@foreverthine: You are absolutely, 100% NOT ALONE in feeling this way. Have you found your way to http://www.apracticalwedding.com/ yet? All about having the wedding that makes sense for your and the one you love. Offbeat Bride is also a great source of info for navigating the tricky world of having a wedding without the “fluff” you don’t like.
Post # 11
@foreverthine: We had a lunch wedding–no dancing, no gater/bouquet toss. Only did a cake cutting, but if that isn’t your thing, then dont do it. Wedding was at noon-ish, cocktails (while we took pictures), lunch started at 1:30-2ish and we were done by 4pm. We hung out with family and friends at the hotel until about 6, then met everyone at an Irish Bar down the street (we did not host, everyone was on their own to buy food/drinks).
Make the day be whatever you want it to be!
Post # 12
You are not alone. For me growing up I imagine something quick like the drive though at Vegas. I don’t really want to plan a big wedding or spend a tons of money on a one day affair. I was so happy when we quickly tied the knot for insurance purposes for the license and the ceremony with Chillis for dinner our wedding day was under 150.
Post # 13
@foreverthine: Nope, you are not alone. I am not shy, but I have this weird anxiety about getting married in front of a bunch of people – it just seems like something that should be so private to me. That’s why Fiance and I are having a private city hall ceremony and then having a party/reception at a restaurant the next evening. Fiance already got crap for not having a wedding party and not having our wedding ceremony at a church (seriously – people can be so rude about this stuff even though these are such personal decisions!), but people have generally left me alone. I think the fact that I am a city bride and 30 years old may have somethingto do with it. No one cares after a certain age. 😉
Post # 14
@foreverthine: If you see my recap… you’ll see I am the antithesis of tradition. We went with a smaller group (50 guests), a very short (8 minute) ceremony, and no parent dance, no tossing of anything, just first dance and cake cutting. We weren’t announced at our reception, no big sendoff, none of that.
I am a GAD-afflicted introvert, so even THAT was anxiety inducing. If I had to do it again, I might scale it back even more. I certainly wouldn’t go bigger! So I feel where you’re coming from. A small, chill affair isn’t boring, it’s just different, and different can be a little refreshing. (I know my photographers thought so!)
Post # 15
@foreverthine: Internet hugs! I totally understand, I am in the same situation. I am already so uncomfortable when telling people I have no registry, no wedding party, no favours, no photographer, no white dress… I’ve since caved on the photographer and registry :/ But still instisting on my non-white dress! FI’s aunts have already been really snarky about some of these things, much to my stress/guilt/worry. 🙁
The wedding I dreamt about, if any, was an elopement or a midday courthouse-and-lunch affair. Well, our big families wouldn’t have any of it, and I’ve had to compromise. What I’ve learned from this experience is that the day is way more about other people; people who love you being happy to help organize things and do things for you to give you a special day! I find it super stressful being in the centre of attention too. Good luck!
Post # 16
I’m not shy at all – I enjoy going out with my friends but I also love alone time.
However, I have total anxiety when it comes to doing anything in front of a large group. I HATE giving presentations/public speaking. I’m petrified to have everyone’s eyes on us during the ceremony and I don’t want to be the center of attention at the reception. Total opposite from Fiance – he could be naked in front of everyone and would not care at all!
this made me laugh -describes me perfectly: