Post # 1
When my fiancé and I first got engaged we were only 21 and he proposed earlier age than I anticipated but we had been dating a long time. Regardless I said yes because I love him and knew we would get married after a long engagement. I still panicked. I cheated. I hate that I did and wish I could take it back. That was 7 months ago. For 7 months I’ve been trying to figure out if I should tell him. I’m not scared to tell him because he might end things because after everything we have been through between his relationships with others while we were together and his lies I believe he would simply stay but be extremely hurt. I am scared to hurt him more than anything because I know I will never do it again. The person I cheated with is no longer a part of my life and I worry about what I should do. I know this makes me an awful person so please don’t tell me that in response. I truly need help. Do I tell him just to ease y mind and potentially leave him hurting forever? Or do I keep it to myself and do everything I can to be good to him since I know I’ll never do that again… Panic or no panic problems or no problems cheating was never an option even though I did it I will never do it again.
Post # 3
oh gee… i dont know…
Truth comes out eventually.
are you sure there’s NO WAY he will EVER know?
if the roles were reversed, would you like to know?
Post # 4
Honestly, I think it’s great that you can reflect on the experience, see why it happened, and see what was wrong about it, and try to make amends. Ultimately, only you can know whether or not to tell him, and I think that’s going to take a lot of soul searching too. It sounds as though you have both had a few issues in the relationship so, just from what you’ve said, I would advocate for you telling him and aiming for as much honesty as possible in your relationship.
Post # 5
@Highschoolsweeties8: Wait, so BOTH of you have cheated before?
This doesn’t sound like a solid relationship that is ready for the next step imo. A marriage built on lies and deception is just set up for failure.
Post # 7
@Highschoolsweeties8: In my previous relationship, my ex emotionally cheated on me repeatedly and after many years and loads of crap, one day I had a few drinks with a friend and we kissed. In my book that is also cheating and I mostly did it to get back at my ex. I had no intention of hiding it – in fact, if I could I would have rubbed it on his face with added embellishments just to make him suffer. Still, the incident was a rude wake up call for me. The relationship had degenerated me to that abominable level. It was time to pack up and leave.
Cheating is never healthy for any relationship, and In My Humble Opinion once the partners cross that line it becomes really difficult for them to continue as a normal couple. I don’t know if revenge was your motive for cheating or there was some other cause, but there definitely was a reason. Similarly, there has to be a reason for his lying and cheating as well. I think the two of you should address these issues and try to work on them through open conversation. Otherwise you could end up in a situation where you will resent yourself for the rest of your life.
Post # 8
Seeing that you have both cheated on each other, I don’t think your relationship has a leg to stand on. I just don’t see how there could be any trust between the two of you, and you can’t have a marriage without trust. It sounds like you both have some growing up to do.