Post # 1
I have a dilemma. We haven’t set our date yet and I’m waiting to ask my bridesmaids until we do, but I’ve already asked my MOH. We live several states away and visited each other recently, so I wanted to do it in person. We’ve only known each other for about 4 years, but we are super close and I really couldn’t imagine having anyone else as my MOH.
I suspect one of my oldest friends expects me to ask her to be my MOH. I definitely want her to be a bridesmaid. She threw us an engagement party recently and seems to be taking on the MOH role. At the party, she was telling everyone how I’m her best friend and if she didn’t have a sister I would have been her MOH.
I really don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I also feel like I should be able to have who I want as my MOH. We’ve been friends since we were little, but we’ve just grown apart a bit over the years. I thought about co-MOH’s, but I really don’t want that. I don’t want to have to feel guilted into doing something I don’t want to.
Suggestions on how to handle this?
Post # 3
@kb7: First I would wait to pick a date and be 100% sure the out-of-state MOH can make it before feelings get hurt (just in case). Second, are you sure you have to have this MOH? How will she help you from states away? I mean, if this other BM has to do all the work without the title I bet it will result in a lot of hurt feelings/resentment. No way you could have two MOHs? Just a though. And finally, if you just have to have this MOH and you know that the BM will be expecting it to be her I would make sure to go have a lunch or dinner with her and break it to her gently rather than just ignore it. Let her know she’s still important to you.
Post # 4
@jadlnc: I’m not worried about her being able to do her duties. She’s already super excited and planning my bachelorette party, and I already ran our possible date by her and she said it’s fine.
I’m totally fine with the other bridesmaid helping to plan things, but only if she wants to. MOH will still be taking on the majority of the responsibility. She even said she’d fly in to dress shop with me. Plus, I’m not MOH in my friend’s wedding coming up but I’m doing 100% of the MOH duties because her sister just won’t. So if she’s helping without the title, I don’t see it as a big deal.
Post # 5
I think that after you set a date, you just ask this friend to be a bridesmaid. You don’t owe her an explanation of why she’s not your MOH. However, if she does ask (which I think would be incredibly rude), you just explain that you have a good friend whom you’ve already asked to fill that role, but that you’d love her to be a BM.
Honestly, she may have expect to be your MOH, but that doesn’t obligate you to make her your MOH or explain to her why she’s not.