Post # 1
I’ve been engaged twice before and both times have been disappointed with my ring. Has anyone else had this happen?
My first Fiance proposed in hopes that I would keep him around a little longer. His proposal was throwing the ring at me during a fight. It was a yellow gold ring with a flower design. I’m not a yellow girl or flower type of girl and he knew it. But his mommy said I’d like it and he believed her.
My ex-husband didn’t propose at all. He got doped up on painkillers after a surgery and simply stated that we were getting married and that I should start looking for a ring he could afford. That ended up being a second hand ring from my best friend who was going through a divorce. She gave it to him as a Xmas gift to give to me. It was nice enough, but the wrong shape. But the price was right so I should just be happy with it right? To clarify that I’m not being a total brat about this. Turns out he was making good money at the time. However, maintaining his drug habit was more important than buying a ring. I didn’t know how bad the situation was until shortly before the wedding (after all payments had already been made). I should have eaten the cost and called the whole thing off. At least now I can eventually give my goddaughter the ring that her dad gave her mom.
Now my current SO has been hinting pretty strongly about getting engaged. He has asked about stone shape and metal (princess cut and white gold). He’s also mentioned making a down payment for “something” for me. He knows me better than either of my exes, but I’m still terrified that I’m going to hate it. I’m also really, really hoping that he’s going to do a proper proposal.
I guess I just need to keep a more open mind about what to look for in a ring.
Post # 3
@Sugaree: Does he know about your past and the other rings that you’ve received?
Would he be willing to go look at rings together so you can show him what you like and don’t like?
It sounds like he’s doing all the right things by finding out metal type and stone cut, so I’d hope that this one turns out to be a ring you love (to go with the right man for you).
Post # 4
Can you just ask if you can show him pictures of rings you like to help guide him?
This sounds like a very different situation than the last two times – enough that I’d bet that even if the ring isn’t exactly what you want, you’re going to be infinitely happier with it and what it represents.
Post # 5
He does know the situation at least with the second ring. We were both in the process of getting divorced when we met (didn’t start dating until both were finalized), so we know the dirty details of each other’s previous marriages.
He’s been pretty adament that he wants to do this on his own. Plus I think he may have already put down a deposit on one. Honestly, just being able to write it out has already made me feel better about it.
I heard some great advice on another thread here earlier and that was to not have expectations. To quote a song “if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.”
Post # 6
Do you love him? Do you trust him? Has he bought you ugly gifts before? Try to be happy or your engagement will be marred with worry. Also, if he loves you THAT much and you seriously hate the one he chooses, he will understand if you say you want to go ring shopping together and exchange it.
Post # 7
I agree with atalante. It sounds like your two previous fiance’s weren’t too great about the whole process at all!
If it’s that important to you, maybe find a few pictures of something you’d like, and show him “just in case.” Or maybe if you’re at the mall or near a jewelry store you could go in and give him a few ideas. You don’t necessarily need to pick the ring out, but if he has a general idea that would help. However, I think that if your current SO takes the time to search for a perfect ring for you and has even asked about metal type and cut, he’s already doing ten times better than the previous two. I’m sure you’ll love it regardless due to the fact that he is taking that much time and picking you a perfect ring and giving you a proper proposal!
Third times a charm! It sounds like you’ve caught a good this time, congrats! =]
Post # 8
Well, I picked out my own ring after Fiance proposed, but I know that some people don’t like that idea. Could you send him pictures of some rings you like online? If he knows about the past engagements and the ring issues, make sure you’re open about the fact that you really want to like your ring because you’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life, and that those are the styles you really like. I think being completely open and honest about rings (and everything) is the best in any relationship. Since you know it’s coming anyway, it wouldn’t ruin the surprise.
Post # 9
Would Fiance be offended if you wanted to pick out your own ring? It was important to both of us that I LOVE my ring, especially because it’s the mostly expensive thing I wear and I plan to keep mine forever without upgrading. He has a very good idea of what I would like but regardless, we ended up picking it out together, including the diamond itself and the custom setting. He even ordered it with me present. The only thing that was a surprise was when he was going to propose since he had to go pick the ring up after it was made. Another benefit to both of us picking it out together was that I was able to try on different styles and get his input on what looked the best. It might be less romantic, but at least we both love this ring and know 100% it is the perfect one.
Post # 10
Suggest that the two of you go ring shopping together. It’s actually quite common and a lot of fun. For such an expensive purchase, it’s alright to let the cat out of the bag a little bit ahead of time.
Keep in mind the most important aspect of your ring is the center stone. You can easily change the setting if you don’t like the color or type of metal it’s set in. Or if you want sidestones eventually they can be added later. But the center stone is the biggest investment and the most expensive to change. So I would put the most emphasis on that, unless he seems to want you to pick everything out completely.