(Closed) Worried that this is going to cause family problems (kids at ceremony)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, the “right” thing is for you & Fiance to go with what works best for you two. BUT, be prepared to deal with the consequences. No one can say you should feel the need to cave, but then you can’t feel like people *should* understand where you’re coming from.  

Everyone is different…for me, I’m disappointed my sister isn’t coming because my 2 year old nephew was going to the be ring bearer and Fiance and I were hoping he’d do something totally random and hilarious. But then we’re not having a formal church ceremony either.

Kids are special (and not just to their own parents either). Some people don’t know to control their kids, I’ll give you that. But I *personally* don’t think a kid can “ruin” a wedding ceremony. Perhaps, if you’re really bothered and considering allowing the kiddies, you can have mom or whoever is appropriate, have a convo with the parents before hand asking them to PLEASE exit if their little one gets restless. Just a thought.

Good luck

Post # 4
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

And just saw that you’re providing sitting at the ceremony. Problem solved. Have the ushers or a sign posted directing parents to the child care location…

Post # 5
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think since you’re graciously providing childcare during Mass and the kids are welcome at the reception, anyone who would be offended is just unbelievably touchy. It’s all very well to say, oh kids can’t possibly ruin a wedding ceremony … but there was a bride on here not too long ago that had a kid screaming all through her vows! Was she somehow wrong to be upset? I don’t think so. The kids will have a much better time playing under the supervision of a babysitter than having to sit through something they are too young to understand anyway. The parents won’t have to leave at a crucial moment to deal with a fussy child, and will be able to give their full attention to the Mass and the ceremony. I say it’s a win-win.

Post # 6
611 posts
Busy bee

I have no advice but I look forward to hearing the suggestions from other bees. I went to a wedding recently and a family in front of me had two small children (both under 3) and the kids were fussy and babbling the whole time. Loud enough for the Mother of the groom to turn around during the vows to watch the cute kids! Don’t know if she was really like “Aww how sweet!” or (fake smile) “Get up and take you kids out of here!” I personally think if you offer a sitter for the Mass then people would be rude to decline and bring their kids in anyway.

Post # 7
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

All I can say is what I would do. If it were me I’d just call up those few people it is going to affect and kindly just inform them that I can’t wait to see them at the wedding and I just wanted to let them know that there is a childcare service available for them to entertain their children during the service as we (Bride and Groom) don’t want them to be bored during the ceremony and it’s going to be 1 hour+ long. 

Post # 8
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wish we had done this. It was really cute for all the kids to take part in our ceremony, and all but one of them was well behaved. The offendor was our 2 year old niece who screamed through our entire ceremony. it was really bad. And it made me mad because her parents did nothing to stop her at all. She threw toys into the aisle, asked loudly for chocolate and was screaming because she couldn’t have any. We had made the decision not to do it because all of the kids were nieces and nephews and their parents were in our wedding party AND our ceremony was only 15 minutes so we figured it wasn’t enough time for kids to act up. We were wrong.

Since it was your in-laws who have given you this ‘advice’ what you need to do is have your Fiance enforce the no-kids law. All of the instructions need to come from him. You can’t give your in-laws a reason to be mad at you, and I promise they will never be mad at your Fiance for it.

Post # 9
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

i completely agree with ms. charisma’s advice. while some couples could prefer an ‘adult only’ reception (which is totally fine!), i think the reasoning — because a child could “ruin” the reception — is a little ridiculous. i think if you’re worried about a particular child’s behavior, there are plenty of appropraite & polite ways of mentioning to the parents before the ceremony, as to not disturb the rest of guests if they get fussy.

my fiance & i went back and forth about whether to have kids or not at our wedding, who to make exceptions for etc. we both realized the amount of family drama we would be dealing with to not invite children, and the amount of family & friends who would probably NOT show up otherwise if their children weren’t included, was not worth it to us.

i know there will be some people who advise you to “stand your ground because it’s your day” — and while i see the value in that, and yes, it is your day, consider if whether or not of dealing with the drama over small children, who will probably be just fine, is really worth it …





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