(Closed) Worries Keeping Me Awake

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@lizzieb:  I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have never had a LD relationship before so I can’t really give you advice on that but what I can say is maybe try asking yourself what you really want out of life as a whole. When I’m in a predicament I like to write pro and con lists….that usually helps me make a choice.

 

I hope you get through this hard time.

Post # 4
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

You have to make the decision of whether or not you can be with someone who will be gone lots of the time. My fi deployed for four months to Kuwait and it sucked but I knew what I signed up for when I started dating him. Some people can handle the life style while others can’t and either way it’s fine, you just have to sit down and really think about it. I hope you figure it out and also hope you get some sleep πŸ™‚

Post # 6
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this! It’s ok to be awake and worry about the man you love πŸ™‚ It’s sweet!

 

Post # 7
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lizzieb:  Ohhh, gotchya… Yea it’s definitely his responsibility to be open with you! He can’t just pull you along when you have no idea what you’re in for! I hope you can sit down with him and shake some answers out of this guy lol 

Post # 9
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lizzieb:  some of these military men are just like that, but I bet if you tell him what you told us he’ll shape up … If he knows what’s good for him πŸ˜‰

Post # 11
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@lizzieb:  I love having time to prepare! Haha when I’m on the spot I get flustered lol

Post # 12
Member
9083 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@lizzieb:  Hiya. Military wife here. I’m not exactly in the same situation as you, but my husband is currently deployed, but not overseas.

This was one of those things that we had to really sit down and talk about when we first got together. I spend most of my time alone, and I moved 1,200 miles to a state I had only visited once, have no friends and no family in.

My husband’s best friend just came back from Afghanistan, I have a friend in the Army currently deployed over there, and one of my childhood friends is over there as well. I’m not going to tell you that it isn’t dangerous, but it isn’t as dangerous as it used to be. An ex coworker of mine did three tours.

Do some soul searching. Can you be alone that long? Can you deal with potentially not knowing where he is or what he’s doing? Can you deal with the possibility that he might not be able to contact you very often?

It isn’t easy, but we all make sacrifices for love. Some make greater sacrifices than others.

Sending you the best.

ETA: “I just wish we could have a more honest conversation about it.”

In terms of deployment, there’s a chance that he can’t really talk about it.

When my husband deploys, I get three days notice. “I’m leaving on X”

That’s all I get. There is no discussion.

Post # 13
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Honestly this sounds like something that really means a lot to him. It’s difficult being in love with a military man. They are use to strict order and it’s difficult to change how things work with them. I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk to him. You should be honest about this. If you can’t live with dealing with the long distance that could last all of your relationship then maybe you should think about leaving. Some can handle it but others can’t. You should think about the long term.

Post # 16
Member
9083 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@lizzieb:  “I ask if a particular job is on a base or requires him to be mobile, he says either that he doesn’t know or that he’d probably just tell me he was safe. I wish he could deal with me on a more frank and open basis. I’m going to worry, so I might as well have as many facts as he can give.”

I understand this entirely, but just know he probably isn’t doing it to keep facts away from you. Deployments and away from home jobs are serious business, especially in the Army. Sometimes you’ll get lucky and he’ll be able to tell you a lot. Most of the time, he isn’t going to be able to.

My husband deploys “locally” (Continental US and sometimes Hawaii) and he cannot tell me anything. I can’t know where he is. I can know what time zone he’s in, but that’s about it. I can’t know when he’s leaving or when he’s coming back (Although he follows roughly the same schedule, so we can both estimate). Sometimes he’ll call me in the morning before he flies and goes, “Can’t tell you when we’re landing, but I’ll call you when I do.”

It’s so, so, so incredibly frustrating, but just know that he isn’t telling you because he can’t, not because he doesn’t want to.

Money is good, especially when they’re on deployment. If they go into a hazardous area, it’s hazard pay, and hazard pay is niiiice. Now, I’m not going to say, “Be cool with it because the money is good.” because, as I’m sure you know, you’d rather have him safe and with you than rich and away, right?

But I’m sure his heart is in the right place. If he wants to provide for you and give you the things you want or deserve, of course he’s going to be enticed by the pay! Anyone would be!

It sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders, and most of the time, the men are trained really, really well. His squadron is like his family, they all look out for one another. I’m not going to tell you to not worry (Because that’s impossible) but just keep in the back of your mind that he’s got an entire group of armed men and women who are just as family as his flesh and blood, and they’re all looking out for one another.

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