Post # 1
I picked the date to propose – this coming Sunday. It doesn’t seem to matter that we just celebrated our sixth anniversary together. It doesn’t matter that we’ve known each other for over 12 years. I am still stressing out so fricking hard. I always thought, what’s so hard about proposing when you’re 99% sure of the answer? Then I realized there are a ton of other things to worry about. I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I’ll remember what to say in the moment anyways. I’m going to end up just waving the box around making high-pitched noises and hoping she’ll figure out what I’m trying to do.
Then there’s the aftermath. I’ve known for years I wanted to marry her, but the actual logistics of planning a wedding are likely to be extremely stressful and filled with drama that I would like with all my heart to avoid. She wants a big wedding. How are we going to pay for it? Her family is divorced so there are three families to deal with including mine, and none of them really like each other. Everyone will have their own strong opinions and our mothers will likely want to help plan, but I can’t see how they can work together and we will be in the middle of it.
Where are we going to have it? Will any of the venues we like rent to us since we are a two-bride wedding? Virginia is hit or miss down here. We can’t even do it in our home state of Michigan because it isn’t legal there (again). She’s Jewish and my Catholic parents have recently gotten very involved in religion again – they bring it up nearly every conversation and will want their priest friend to be involved (I’ve fallen away from the Church in recent years and they keep trying to “bring me back” to it). Interestingly enough, any rabbi marrying us will have more of a problem that I’m not converting to Judaism than us being two women! So we have to track down a rabbi who will do a same-sex interfaith marriage. Easy, right?
I was so excited about proposing but now that it’s actually almost upon me I am a quivering mess of worries! I want to be engaged. I want to marry this woman. I jut can’t see how I’m going to get there without blowing it.
Post # 2
In her eyes, you couldn’t do anything to blow it but not ask!! It will turn out perfectly because I am sure when you’re with her you will instantly calm down and all the words will just come out 🙂 as for wedding logistics…. elope. Like for real. Go to somewhere you’ve both dreamed of going, do it there, then you can come back and see your parents. Nobody gets their feelings hurt with not choosing a religion side, and you guys don’t have to deal with everyone else!
Post # 3
First of all, congratulations! This is a big step and it’s normal to be nervous, but try to focus on the main thing here: you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you love her and she loves you. You want to be a family. The rest is just logistical stuff that can be taken care of step by step. You’ll have time to figure it out together as it’s supposed to, don’t beat yourself up because of it. Right now the only important thing is for you to be happy, to celebrate your love for each other and later you’ll decide the rabbi, flowers, catering and all that nonsense. Enjoy your moment!
Post # 4
Honey, breathe. Breathe again. Breathe some more. Stop thinking about what might happen. Concentrate on what will. This Sunday you will get down on one knee and say, ‘will you marry me?’ while opening up a ring box. The rest will unfold as you two journey together, as partners, towards your wedding day. Stop creating invented problems. Stop acting like you will be all on your own throughout the process. and for goodness sake. The only way you will blow the proposal is if you don’t propose. And that, my friend, would be stoopid.
Post # 5
I don’t think you should let a lot of outside factors ruin a lifetime commitment to your love. She will love whatever you say during the proposal because she loves you.
Post # 6
All of the above!
This isn’t about your families, religion, their drama, or the big wedding. It’s about you and your soon-to-be fiancee!! If you think the religion aspect is going to be such a big problem, you could easily just get married by a Justice of the Peace and then have a big reception. If your families don’t like each other, well tough. They’re not the ones getting married to each other. They’re just attending out of love and support for you and her. Bottom line, take it one step at a time and remember that you will always have the Bee to help solve all your eventual problems!
And as for proposing goes, don’t even worry about it. My Fiance had a little speech and it was so awkward and it took me forever to put the pieces together and be like “oh, it’s a proposal” but you know what? I hardly even remember what was said! I was too busy laughing and being happy and all I could see what his pretty face looking for nervous and excited. My Future Brother-In-Law said it was the same for him when he proposed, awkward little speech, hard to remember and deliver it with a straight face…just take a deep breath. She will love it just because she gets to say yes to marrying you!
Post # 7
You know her better than anyone, but maybe she will be ok with being engaged for awhile, while you guys figure out all of the logistics? I’ve consented to doing the traditional Hindu wedding myself and honestly, I’m looking forward to it, but know that there’s so much planning involved that I’m happy to just have taken that next step in our relationship and happy to make this as stress free a process as possible. Perhaps she will take a similar position, knowing all that is involved? The family stuff, I can understand, but it really is upsetting that you have to even worry about the fact that you are same-sex brides. I’m not near your state, but if I were, I’d offer to do the video/photography for you guys!
Post # 8
“In her eyes, you couldn’t do anything to blow it but not ask!!” – Word.
Post # 9
My proposal was perfect and beautiful…. And in the moment, I have no idea what my fiance said lol. It was less than 12 hours before we moved cross country and as soon as he dropped to one knee, I burst into tears. That threw him off and he got choked up and made me cry more. I’m not even sure I said yes! I had to ask him afterwards what exactly he said. Don’t stress, it’ll be great!
Post # 10
My fiance said “on that note” dropped to one knee with the ring box… by the time he spat out “will you marry me?” I already had the ring on! He then went home and slept like a baby… all those nerves gone. She will love it no matter what
Post # 11
Aww, good luck! She sounds like a really lucky woman, and you shouldn’t worry! Have a shot of dutch courage if you need to! Waving the box around making a high pitched noise sounds like a wonderful and memorable proposal!
Don’t stress about the wedding. You guys can consider your options afterwards, and weigh the pros and cons of each. You’ll get it sorted out. Have you tried looking over at Offbeat Bride? I’m pretty sure i’ve seen same sex interfaith weddings over there of all shapes and sizes.
Post # 12
Thanks for all your kinds words everyone. I don’t have a lot of friends to really vent to and I suppose I’m just putting stress in the wrong place (I’ve been managing a huge amount of work stress for the last month and it’s not helping me at the moment.) I have it all planned out already. I have a mini scavenger hunt planned with the clues being hidden in love letters that I’ve written in the style of different time periods until she arrives at our favorite colonial tavern. I can’t decide if I should be waiting at the table when she comes in or if I should come in after she sits down and then propose. I’ve put so much effort into this and spent so long planning it that I want it to come off perfectly. I want it to be Sunday night already and have us just be celebrating!
Post # 13
LadyCapricorn: it sounds wonderful! She will love this for sure. Let us know how it went 🙂
Post # 14
It sounds perfect! So much love and thought. Can’t wait for your update 🙂
Post # 15
What a cool proposal you have planned! She will see how much effort you’ve put into such a uniques proposal and how nervous you are- and she’ll love you even more! And Sunday will be so amazing because you’re about to be engaged to the woman you love & want to spend the rest of your life with. Don’t let your poor brain get overloaded with wedding details right now, put all your nervous excitement into Sunday and enjoy your engagement…..everything else can come afterward & the 2 of you can plan together 🙂