Post # 1
My father is (very generously) footing the bill for the venue and the catering – half of the total for the wedding. I cleared every decision with him before booking or signing anything. I was met with nothing but understanding (and some gentle ribbing about how I should just elope and my fiance’s family better make with the dowry!) and he told me everything would be fine, he’d take care of it, don’t worry, etc.
Fast forward to now – we’ve made most of the payments (almost all 2-4 weeks late) and are now behind on our last 2. I’m nervous that the caterer is going to be pissed, but moreso anxious that my dad is having trouble getting the money. Part of it is that he lives in Puerto Rico, and time is a little more… fluid there, so deadlines seem to bend around with him. It’s not that I don’t trust that he’ll work it out – he always comes through for me. Always. But I know it’s a lot of money and I never wanted to put him under a lot of strain. I must’ve told him a million times that, while I loved the caterer and venue, if it was too much I would find a new place and new food and love it just as much.
My dad had a heart attack 2 years ago – the day of my first engagement party. And he is really stubborn about going to the doctor, eating well and taking care of himself. He was sick for 2+ weeks recently with some horrible cold/flu thing and the last few times I talked to him he just sounds tired and not himself. I’m worried, even though he keeps telling me he’s fine and it will all get taken care of. I think he’s pretty sick.
And if I’m honest, I’m afraid it’s my fault.
Post # 3
Aw, sweety its not your fault! Even if he is sick, it has nothing to do with anything you’ve put on him. I’m sure he wants nothing more than the “burden” of providing you with everything you want for you special day! Its possible that he’s stressed about the money (I believe we discussed in the other post that we’re ALL stressed about dinero!!), which can wear anyone down a bit, but don’t feel guilty. More importantly, he needs to be taking care of himself. Not doing so is what makes him more suseptible to being sick more often and for greater lengths of time. Don’t worry about the money, I’m sure he knew what his limitations were, he most likely does have the money, he just doesn’t realize that certain professionals can be difficult when it comes to paying them on time.
Post # 4
I agree that it isn’t you fault, it sort of sounds like he hasn’t been taking care of himself lately. I think that if he couldn’t pay for it, he would have told you.
Post # 5
@jennifer I actually got a little emotional reading that. I guess I’m even more stressed and worried about him than I thought. I know you’re right, but I also know he would never tell me even if he wasn’t ok and being so far away from him makes it so hard.
@MissAsB – you are so the advice guru. haha And you’re right – he’s not taking care of himself. He just loves to eat and drink and smoke his cigars and nothing anyone tells him is going to make him stop. It’s partly his stubbornness and partly that Caribbean lifestyle.
He’ll be here in a few weeks which will make me feel better. More than that, we’ll be in PR permanently (at least for a few years) so I can make him eat his vegetables, keep him away from the carne frita and take care of him.
In the meantime though, I feel like I’m about to break. :-/
Post # 6
I don’t think its your fault, but he might be feeling some stress with the money aspect (but as Jennifer said – who isn’t?!)
In terms of his taking care of himself, maybe if you told him how much you care for him and that his habits are concerning you, he might be more receptive to at least going to the doctor?
I hope your Dad feels better and you too! It must be so hard to be far away from him when your worried about him like this.
Post # 7
Thanks @Rachael that’s really sweet of you. Unfortunately the doctor thing has been forever. He went to South America on business right after he and my mom got married and came back with some crazy monkey disease or something. He literally almost died before my mother could convince him that he needed to go to ER and it wasn’t just going to “run it’s course”. He thinks we’re giant babies and that there’s nothing a steak and a glass of cognac can’t cure. It’s part of why I love him so much, but it’s also why he’s so infuriating.