Post # 17
i agree 1-2 times a month of arguing is a lot, thats like 24 fights a year….. thats a lot!! and for him to call threaten you by calling off the engagment and then calling you names sooo disrespectful.
One thing that would never be ok with me is to threaten to end a relationship or threathen divorce. If you threaten it, there there is something much deeper there and that is NOT OK!!!!
Post # 18
@Riesz: OP how are you doing? Been thinking about you…
Post # 19
“he makes me feel like I’m a terrible partner and person in general, that I’m someone who mistreats loved ones… but in reality I’m really not that person at all”
I’ve never had anger issues with literally any other person in my entire life. This dynamic scares me at times and maybe it’s just not right..”
It isn’t. This is called emotional abuse and sounds scarily like it’s going to escalate to physical abuse very soon (as one who has also suddenly realized she was in an abusive relationship wiht her FI).
Please find a safe place and get some professional help if you can. I was also told that fighting was normal by my Fiance (we fought about once every two weeks), then he punched a hole in the wall one time when I made him angry. Then he attacked his friend one time when he was drunk. Luckily, I had a neutral observer comment that these are all warning signs of a future abusive relationship. It still took me a month to get out, but I did and I never regretted it.
I found out that abuse wasn’t all drama like in the movies though. I had no idea I was in an abusive relationshiop. I stayed friends with him and he’s now married and I hope to god he isn’t like that with her and that we were both young. We had a conversation about how I realized when I got out I was scared when the phone rang, but I don’t think he ever took it to heart =/. I’m not sure these people change.
Please take care of yourself and realize this isn’t normal. Nothing about what you describe is normal and abusive men like to tell you it is.
Post # 20
1-2 arguments per month is TOTALLY normal. Heck my husband and I fight more then that. As long as its stupid small fights. The name calling and insults should be nipped in the bud and you need to talk to him find out WHY he says that and make it clear you won’t tolerate it.
While i do think that he needs to work on controlling his anger, i would forgive him for the ring thing. So long as he stopped the name calling immediately.
My husband used to do that to me once in a while before we got married. he just has a hard time controlling his anger sometimes and at first he never realized words had such an effect because he is never hurt by them. He was a good man with bad habits and he knew it and he worked with me to change it. It might not be a abuse. Abusers refuse to change. they might appologize once in a great while but they don’t admit they have a problem. Mine did. It took a while but we got through it. Premarital counseling helped us learn how to difuse fights before they reached that point. The less they did the more unusual it became and we replaced it with good habits. We just refused to give up on each other. Good luck!
Post # 21
@Riesz: that is not even CLOSE to an average argument. name calling, him following you from room to room, grabbing you and yelling and cursing is all completely unacceptable to me. i would never allow someone to treat me that way, and i would never ever marry someone who couldn’t handle their shit like an adult.
babies throw tantrums – grown men should not.