(Closed) WORST Bridal Shower I've Ever Been To…and it was mine :(

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SadBride2013:  A bridal shower usually has a host. Who was the host of this event (listed on the invitation)? Maybe your bridal party thought your mom was hosting? Or the Maid/Matron of Honor, that is why the bridemaids did not help?

Post # 6
8731 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow sorry but I am going to be harsh. All I am getting is entitlement from you. Your Mum took over as host for the shower so you should be upset at her. Your BM’s do not have to throw you a shower. Maybe they felt your entitlement which turned them off.

I also get the feeling that you don’t think what they originally planned was good enough so you had them change it. Maybe this is where the resent is also coming from and why they let your Mum take over.


It is also unfair to give your Maid/Matron of Honor a free pass whilst condeming your other BM’s. Unless you have access to their finances you have no idea what they can afford and regardless of that you have no right to expect them to spend their earnings on you. I contend that it is as insane of you to think that they can afford it as you think it was for them to think your sister could.

They may also be feeling a little bit of resentment over you planning your own bachelorette party. How do you know they didn’t have a suprise up their selsleves for you? But you just took over.


Post # 7
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@j_jaye:  This was my thought, too.

What’s with the overnight bridal shower? That sounds pretty involved. I don’t think I’d have the time for something like that.

Post # 9
2975 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m sorry, that’s really disappointing and I think you have a right to be upset. You weren’t expecting an extravagant shower (I assume) all you wanted was for your bridal party to get together and put in a little effort. Especially after you’ve made an effort to make being a part of your wedding easy on them. I think it might be time to talk it out with them. I also don’t know if it’s right that your sister is getting a free pass because she’s working and in school. Everyone should have participated equally, but they really should have had a meeting beforehand to determine who will do what. Why would anyone bring anything if it hadn’t been discussed? I feel like maybe your mom shoul have called a meeting once things started to spiral. 

Nevertheless, that’s very disappointing and I’m really sorry that’s how your shower turned out especially when you’re just out of the hospital!

you maybe need to have a talk with them about your expectations from them at the wedding, because apparently they don’t pick up on implied duties, and you will want to be sure thy do their part!

Post # 10
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

@j_jaye:  I have to agree with everything you said.

Post # 11
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

What was the plan BEFORE you got sick…any idea? Are they the type to freak out when plans change? Sounds like the one girl was really rude for blaming you, but it also sounds like there was NO communication or expectaitons laid out for anyone…I’m assuming nobody had thrown a shower before. Money and education mean nothing when it comes to planning events. I do feel like your mom should have asserted herself and let them know she wasn’t happy about footing the bill and doing their planning. It also sounds like you’re already mad at everyone over the dresses…you’ve reminded them right? These girls are your friends…I’d totally tell them that the dresses are on your credit card and you need to pay it off.

Why did you plan your own Bachelorette? I wouldn’t have. If nobody throws me one, then nobody throws me one.

Post # 12
19 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014

I don’t blame you for being upset. I’ve been on the other side as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. And no, it is not an obligation for the BMs to throw a bridal shower, however, I understand that in reality it should be  something that they look forward to throwing for you. I mean being a BM/MOH, is saying that you’re there  to help, assist and make the progress up to the big day as smooth as possible and it sounds like they didn’t. That’s my honest opinion.

Like I said I’ve been on the other side. I was recently a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a wedding and we ended up not planning/throwing the bride a bridal shower. I felt horrible when she found out that we hadn’t communicated about hosting the event. She expressed that’s the one time that she’ll get to sit back relax and not have to plan or worry about her wedding day. It sucked to hear that and I felt worse because I always thought that the Maid/Matron of Honor was supposed to plan it and we would just commence in setting up. Then what made it worse her Future Mother-In-Law got word that we didn’t plan it and threw her a huge bridal shower  but only 1 of her BMs showed up. She was hurt again that her BMs didn’t come through for her.


 i have empathy for you. Some ppl have different ideas of what the Bridesmaid or Best Man is supposed to do but you have every right to be upset.

Post # 13
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@j_jaye:  I agree.

Having a professional job and a graduate degree and making decent money doesn’t mean you must spend that money on your friend’s wedding.  On the contrary, it’s their money to spend however they want.  

You’re also conflating issues here.  Being pissed about a lackluster shower is different than being pissed that they haven’t paid for dresses which is different than being angry that a Bridesmaid or Best Man brought sparkling cider.  I mean, first of all, you can’t claim that none of them did anything when one of them DID bring sparkling cider.  Unless she knew you hated it – and by that, I mean you told her within the past few hours before she showed up, “I hate sparkling cider and I hope no one brings it to my shower,” she’s off the hook for that one.  Second, unless your BMs were absolutely clear about who was planning the shower, I think they’re off the hook for this one too.  It sounds like your mom took over.  I don’t blame them for thinking that your mom wanted to be in charge.  Third, if you want the money for the dresses, just ASK them.  “Hey, just a quick reminder that I still need to be reimbursed for the dresses…”  But the fact that they haven’t paid for their dresses has nothing to do with this “lackluster” wedding shower.

Post # 14
1522 posts
Bumble bee

@SadBride2013:  I understand wat ur saying, u just want ur BMs to care a little more. If two ppl brought food, two decorations and one coordinate it truly is no financial burden. To see an outsider do more than ur BMs it stings but the day is done. the best idea is to move forward and try to get them to b more proactive.

Post # 15
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@SadBride2013:  I understand why you mught be upset, but it really doesn’t sound like your bridal shower was that bad tbh. 

First of all, your mom was hosting. It’s common for brides moms to host showers for them and of your mom agreed (yes, she AGREED) to finance the shower then she pretty much accpeted the roll of host. 

Secondly, I don’t know what kind of shower you were expecting, but it sounds like it would have been expensive. Your shower should have been well within the price range of your sister. A typical bridal shower takes place in a host’s home or a cheap rental space and consists of food , presents and games. That’s it. Your overnight shower sounds like it was plenty extravagant. Did you want a second bach party or something? 

Thirdly, unless it was a potluck none of your BMs were obligated to bring food. If it was a potluck then your mom, the host, should have made that very clear. You didn’t say that they were asked to bring food so I’m guessing you just expected to cater this thing. Also, sparkling cider is a perfectly acceptable thing to bring to a shower. Who cares if you don’t like it? Lots of other people do. 

Fourthly, I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man was probably JOKING about it being hard to schedule the shower. 

Fifthly, it’s the host’s job to clean up after the shower. Sure it’s nice of people to stay and help but if they’re guests then they don’t have to. Why should your BMs clean up when you won’t deign to? 

Sorry but I think you’re being very ungrateful. 

Post # 16
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This isn’t about money at all, I think OP is more hurt by the complete lack of empathy over her getting sick before the shower and the complete lack of effort on the BM’s parts.  She doesn’t sound entitiled at all, just wanted her party to act as if they actually gave a damn.

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