There are some good (bad?) ones on here! I’ll add mine.
Brace yourself, as it’s a long one, best told over a few drinks. In fact, go ahead and pour yourself a glass of wine right now.
My friend and I were sitting at a bar one evening when two guys came up to us and started to chat. The conversation started with the first guy telling me that his friend thought I was cute, or something to that effect, very middle school-esque. They seemed nice enough, but neither of us were particularly interested. After a little while, the first guy told me his friend could do a back flip. Intrigued, I asked him to show me. He said he’d only do it if I gave him my number. I agreed, not thinking he’d actually do it. He did. I wrote said number on a napkin. I should have given him a fake.
A few days later, he called, asking if he could take me out the next weekend. Even though I wasn’t really interested, I agreed, figuring I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He told me I should dress up as he wanted to take me to one of his favorite places. No problem. I actually got a little excited – what girl doesn’t like to be treated to nice places?
I was house sitting for a friend, so I asked him to pick me up there. After he picked me up, we had some normal, friendly conversation as we drove toward the restaurant. Not a bad start, really. Then his phone rang. He ignored it. Then it rang again. And again and again and again. He kept ignoring it, and looked really irritated. When it rang for the sixth (or seventh? I don’t remember) curiosity finally got the best of me and I asked who was calling. He said it was just his mom. Concerned, I said that maybe there was an emergency if she kept calling him so many times, and he should answer it. He said, “No, I really hate my mom. She does this ALL THE TIME.” Red flag.
So back to the drive. It turned out he wanted to take me to his favorite place in Cincinnati. We live in Dayton. That is an HOUR drive, at least. If you’ve ever made this drive, you would know that there used to be a giant statue of Jesus on the side of I-75. (It was struck by lightning two years ago.) Since I don’t really think Touchdown Jesus is a good topic of conversation on a first date, I casually ignored it. He felt the need to point it out, as if I were a tourist who had never seen it before. And when he asked me what I thought about it, I replied honestly that I thought they should have taken the hundreds of thousands it cost to build it and used it to feed starving children somewhere else in the world. His response, “Good, so you’re not religious or anything.” I am religious. Red flag #2.
We finally arrived at the restaurant. Turns out it was one of those Japanese Hibachi places. Because there were only two of us, they seated us at a station with another group who is there to celebrate a birthday. Not very intimate, like you would expect for a date, but at this point I am relieved. We ordered our food, and I requested steamed rice instead of fried rice. He FREAKED OUT. According to him, this is THE BEST FRIED RICE ON THE PLANET. I held my ground. (My mother is from Hawaii and taught me to make fried rice at a young age, so I’m personally biased to think MY fried rice is the best, and so I usually don’t order it when I’m out.) I didn’t think it was necessary for him to have such a dramatic reaction! When I got my steamed rice, he insisted that I try his fried rice, and tried to feed it to me. I politely took the fork away from him, and fed the rice to myself. (I actually didn’t like it, I thought it had too much garlic in it.)
I spent the rest of dinner speaking to him as little as possible, just answering yes and no to questions, but not really contributing to the conversation any more. I was done. When he excused himself to the restroom, I chatted with the guy next to me at the table, wishing I was there with him instead! He should have asked for my number or offered to take me home, I would have gone gladly. Easy target. =)
When dinner was finally over, I let him pay for the meal. I thought finally this was over, or at least it was an hour from being over, as we still had the drive home. Except it was well over an hour – we hit terrible traffic near Jesus. And then he ran out of gas.
Seriously. What guy takes a girl on a first date an HOUR away, and then doesn’t even think to fill up his car before the trip?
When we finally made it back, I kicked off my heels and RAN back to the house. He actually called me back later in the week to ask me on a second date.