(Closed) Worst Grandparents EVER!

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I have some of these types of people in my family…luckily not my immediate family.  From my experience, it sounds like 1) they either don’t like you or 2) they don’t like your husband.  I’m not sure which one it is but I know of people that have nothing to do with their grandkids and it’s because of who they are with.  

You mention they spend time with your Brother-In-Law and his wife.  Did they raise Brother-In-Law but not your husband?  If so, that could be the reason.  They feel closer to him.  

I was told once that blood doesn’t define the relationship, the relationship defines the relationship.  As upset as you may be, it might be a good thing not to have these people in your son’s life.

Post # 4
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sounds like you don’t need these people in your life at all.

Post # 5
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Do we share inlaws? This sounds exactly like my Mother-In-Law, she actually quit talking to Darling Husband after we told her because “she wasn’t ready to be a Grandma”, she ended up not see our Dirty Delete until she was over a month old and saw her a total of 4 times the entire first year of her life.  My Dirty Delete has no idea who this woman is (we see her about 2 times a year and she lives an hour away).

What we have done is surround her with all of the family who do truely want to be involved in her life. DH’s Dad and family are great and she loves playing with the cousins on that side. And my family is pretty close too. After some of the things Mother-In-Law has said to Darling Husband I think it might be best that she is so distant, I would never want my kids to feel bad because of her crazy way of thinking.

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s better to have your son grow up with just one set of grandparents than to have him grow up in a negative, hostile relationship with the second set. 

You can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family, and it looks like you got the short end of the family stick in this deal. I’d try to move on with life without those folks in it, and if they come to their senses one day, you can always decide then if you’ll let them back in.  But you shouldn’t try to force a relationship with such unwilling people just because they’re “family.”  If they were “friends” you’d have removed them from the friend list a long time ago.  No reason anyone should get special treatment just because of DNA.  If they don’t want to be in your lives, then go have a happy life without them.

Post # 8
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow….that is my grandma to the T!! She didn’t see me until I was a month old, she NEVER came to see me or my brother, but she went to visit my cousins all the time.

You’re right though, it’s not your job to make sure your son has a relationship with his grandparents, it’s their job. My grandma didn’t want that job and now I only see her when I have to (I haven’t talked to her since Christmas).  When your son is older, he’ll realize that his grandparents don’t want anything to do with him and it will hurt, trust me, I went through it. After the hurt goes away, he’ll probably be angry and have the attitude of “if you don’t want to see me, I don’t want anything to do with you.”

I think you’re husband needs to understand what’s going on with his parents. My dad doesn’t see what his mom does to me and my brother and that makes things really hard. Anytime your in-laws do something negative, be sure to point it out to your husband, but not in a complaining sort of way. Sit him down and gently explain what happened and how that made you feel.  That’s what me and my mom started doing and now my dad is slowly understanding that his mom doesn’t like his family. It’s making things a bit easier to deal with.

Sorry to say, but unless you start talking to your husband and dealing with this as a family, your situation is going to get worse before it gets better.

Post # 9
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

aww, I totally feel for you. I have people like that in my family too. Doesn’t it just burn you up that they only make an appearance when there’s some glory/recognition in it for them!! I know this very well. In my particular case (which it might pertain to yours) is that they probably weren’t very nurturing people to begin with, and maybe your brother in law kisses their ass more so their egos like being around them more. I know that I get the cold shoulder from my other grandparents (who I was never close with) because of the fact that I won’t be talked to rudely or not stand up for myself just because they happen to be my dads parents- and they know this..but everyone else bows down to them and takes their critisizm. 

Oh- and as far as my 10 year old daughter goes I won’t let her be exposed to anyone that would ever make her feel the way they made me feel when I was young-family or not, it’s bad for them. Hell it took me some 15 odd years to get over why they didn’t embrace me. So ya, keep your distance from them and with your child. You will set the pace of the relationship with them and your daughter, so keep it minimal and there’s less chance of dissapointment. simple.

 

Post # 10
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@fishbone:  totally agree with this. My dad’s parents are toxic, and we cut off contact with them many years ago. Never once regretted it, and it was the best for our family. 

My husband’s mother is no longer in our lives for the past 2 years, and I don’t think she ever will be again. She chose her path, so we don’t feel sorry about it.

Just because a family member is toxic, does not mean you have to put up with them.  Why should your husband continue to feel hurt when it comes to them??? It might be better to cut all contact, and see if they come around. If not, you might be best off without them

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@mrskisstobe:  Its difficult when the child wants a relationship, but what your husband needs to understand is that regardless of what he wants, it will probably never happen. I would try to nicely urge him to not contact them, to see how they react. I think that as time goes on, and they keep doing negative things, he will get that “aha” moment.  It took a few years of my husband’s mother only calling to complain that we never came to see her, or something was wrong with her car, for him to finally get pissed enough to want to cut her out. By that point, I had told him she was not welcome in my house, but if he wanted a relationship with her, that was his choice, but I was no longer putting in the effort. Once I did that, he was very quick to do the same

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I am really sorry for you, your Darling Husband and your son. It’s awful. I sadly know all about having awful inlaws. 

My MIL/SIL refuse to treat me with any amount of respect or my Darling Husband. 

Our DS is 4 months old and they JUST met him. We never got a card when he was born, and have had very little contact. They felt we should have made the trip to see them after baby was born, umm really. I had a C-section and it’s a 4 hour drive, and none the less they treat me like crap. 

My Mother-In-Law never helped with our wedding, she acted like a lunatic and we had to have her removed. My Father-In-Law is just as bad, not nuts, but is terrified of his EX wife that he actually won’t see his grandson. He came up 2 weeks after the baby was born, and got reemed for it and since then has no interest in being apart of our life.

It def hurts me at times but then I remind myself that we don’t need them in our life to be happy. My parents are amazing with my Son and my Darling Husband, they make up for it all. 

It’s hard but don’t let people like that get you down. You have to know in your heart that it’s probably for the best that people like that aren’t in your life. They are only hurting themselves. 

 

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