WORST Marriage Advice You've Ever Received

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
741 posts
Busy bee

I’m another one that thinks the “try to look good for your spouse” thing is actually good advice. I don’t think you should try to look perfect 24/7, but I don’t like the idea that getting dressed up for your spouse is a waste of time. I want to be attractive to my husband, and want him to do the same. I understand people get older, gain weight and lose hair, but if you don’t want to put in any effort at all, your marriage could suffer.

Post # 32
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee

Every relationship is different, but for us date nights are really beneficial. They fell by the wayside during COVID, but we’ve recently gotten back into the groove now that were vaccinated and our sitter is vaccinated. Getting out of the house a couple times a month, putting on real people clothes and in my case a little makeup – idk it is just a great time and helps us reconnect and sorta refresh things a bit. Like it is not essential… we survived over a year without it, but now that we’re able to do it again we both are realizing how nice it is. We have baby 2 on the way in a few weeks and are determined to keep it up eveN if it’s just grabbing a drink for one hour in the early evening while our sitter watches the beasts.

On a day to day basis though I am wearing sweats or leggings and zero makeup. I don’t think I put on a stitch of makeup for a whole year during the pandemic lol. I’m not a makeup person and I’m glad my husband appreciates that about me lol. But it is nice to get a little dressed up for each other once in awhile! 

Post # 33
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@wonderwedding:  I halfway agree with you – I like to dress up when I WANT to.  You know what I mean?  Like, sure there are some nights when we go out to a nice restaurant and I ENJOY dressing up and going all out, generally because I never do it so it feels super special.  That also means that my husband notices which I also enjoy.  Then it’s fun for me!  But I don’t like the idea of pressuring women to wear tight dresses and heels and makeup so their partner doesn’t lose interest.  

Post # 34
Member
4925 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@xiphosura:  My sibling was older and got married really quickly. My sibling is difficult and married someone equally difficult. Their marriage is no walk in the park as a result. I remember them telling me that you don’t really know someone until you are married to them and your first year together will be a hard. I just rolled my eyes internally because the dumbass didn’t put it together that  they got married 11 months after their first date so of course they didn’t know  each other and the first year ( and every other year judging by their interactions with each other 🙄) was difficult. We got  married five years after our first date and didn’t live together  before hand but our first year was fine and neither if us had any suprise moments where we discovered something new about eachother because after 5 years we knew  eachother well. Our intervening years since haven’t been hard either  so 🤷‍♀️

Post # 35
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

My husband and I have a LAT (living apart together) relationship and have done for years. He lives most of the week closer to his job and I haven’t ever wanted to live with a partner, so this arrangement has been what works best for us and our relationship.

The number of comments I’ve gotten from people about a relationship not being legitimate unless you live under the same roof makes me roll my eyes and laugh. I have relatives (many of whom are miserable in their relationships and regularly complain about their selfish spouses) who regularly check in about when I’m going to “let my husband move in” with me like it’s something I’m doing to him rather than a choice and agreement we’ve made together. Meanwhile (after almost 15 years with my husband) we still enjoy each other, we’re constantly growing as a couple and as individuals, we talk daily and laugh plenty and when the pandemic first hit, he stayed with us full time while he was on furlough and we were fine. He took on most of the cooking and cleaning and childcare (because I was still working) and would come over to my in home office space for mid-day kisses.

So I’d say the worst marriage advice I’ve ever gotten is from people thinking they can tell us what leads to a “successful” relationship when we have consciously and deliberately created a relationship together that works for us and our needs and they haven’t necessarily had relationships I’d want for myself.

Post # 36
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2020

I agree with making an effoet for your spouse as a concept, but not in the way she suggested. Sure I want to dress up and look good for my fiance sometimes, but making an effort is also date nights, getting up and making him a coffee without him asking, showing him affection and attention etc. And this is all reciprocal, would never work if only one of us was always making the effort.

Haven’t had any unsollicited marriage advice yet, so we will see when I am newly wed

Post # 37
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

One of the worst marriage advice I received was that we MUST have children.  Specifically as the woman, I absolutely must give birth to at least one child (more than one is best though).  Because children are “what keeps your husband from leaving you and gives your husband a real reason to stay married to you into your old age.”  WTF

We are firmly CFBC by the way!

When some people heard that we didn’t want children, I’ve had quite a few older people pull me aside in shock and tell me I absolutely need to change my husband’s mind (they think it was his idea and he suckered me into it) because without children, my husband will likely leave me once I’m past my prime & child-bearing years, and will be easily lured by and will leave me for a younger, attractive, more fertile woman.  🤣😱🤢🤮  

I’ve also been told that I NEED to have children because they are the only ones who will get my husband to “change” for the better and settle down into married life.  Without them, men will feel “lost” and will go back to their “wild nomadic” ways instead of staying married to me. 

It used to get under my skin at first, but now it gives me a good laugh.  Sometimes just to mess with people, I’ll look at them with pure sympathy and reply in my sweetest voice, “wow is that the only reason why your husband stayed married to you all these years?  That sucks. You deserve better you know.”

 

Post # 38
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

Oh and I forgot, the other advice I was given was that I need to doll myself up for my husband Every. Single. Day.  And that it’s really important to always greet him at the door fully made-up with my hair done, and have a cheerful smile on my face that makes him feel welcomed and sexually desired when he comes home from work.  Oh and to always make sure that I time dinner to his arrival because the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. That way, when he leaves for work every day, he will be less likely to have wandering eyes or get tempted by other women.

Insert Huge eyeroll.

Well, with Covid my husband is fully WFH while I’m not.  So he’s the one in the kitchen every day and is the one who does all the grocery shopping & makes sure that dinner is hot and ready for me when I step through the door.  Plus he always stops what he’s doing to help me with my laptop bag and purse, gives me a big kiss, asks how my day was, tells me dinner is ready and that he missed me while I was gone.  I, in return, tell him how sexy he is in the kitchen 😁 

Post # 39
Member
10498 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The worst advice l ever had was from a so called ‘marriage counsellor’ when was  unhappily married to my first husband. After her first and only session with him, she told me to try harder and be grateful for having such a brave ( he was a police officer) handsome and hardworking young man, and that sensible women turned a blind eye to little infidelities…..

Post # 39
Member
10498 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The worst advice l ever had was from a so called ‘marriage counsellor’ when l was  unhappily married to my first husband. After her first and only session with him, she told me to try harder and be grateful for having such a brave ( he was a police officer) handsome and hardworking young man, and that sensible women turned a blind eye to little infidelities…..

Post # 41
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

If you want hilarious advice on making your marriage work–go to Amazon and order “My Way Of Living” by Joan Crawford.  She was a  40s50 old movie star{and was married 3 times} and she was so off the wall–go to husbands business meetings, always look ravishing when he gets home– he should NOT see the children at night,have separate but adjoining bedrooms [not a a bad idea}, have a small fridge between them, always stocked with champagne, caviar–well you get the picture.  Of-course, she was married 3 times–but we are encouraged to live how she lived. I nearly pissed myself!

Post # 42
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - ontario, canada

It was 2013, I come into the office after getting engaged on a sunday to many happy smiles.  

My boss (a very gruff, super independent career woman): Let’s see your ring….*I show her* He should have got you an opal (Huh?) ….but it looks nice.  (She went to my wedding and enjoyed it immensely)

Another coworker: Just dont get married….just DONT.  It’s not worth it.  

Everyone seems a tad stunned at her outburst.  No one knows what to say.

At this point, my friend (married and had a baby on the way, my resident expert!) emails me and says “Listen, she’s in a horrible marriage and had a bandaid baby.  Please please do not let her kill your happiness…” and I needed that because she wasnt joking and just….why say these things?

We also has my husband’s uncle show us his wedding band on our wedding day and say “See this?  World’s tiniest handcuff!”

10 facepalms out of 10.

 

Post # 44
Member
844 posts
Busy bee

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@Shina:  Where any of these comments from  people with a “Christian” background? I’ve heard similar comments from some people in evangelical organizations. 

Post # 45
Member
717 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Don’t cut your hair off. This one makes me incredibly angry. With my first pixie, all people could say was “your poor husband.” Please if he wants 20″ hairs coiled up in his butt crack, eaten by the seat belt and blocking his peripheral vision when he leans over–he can grow out his own hair.

Now that you’re married you need to wear a one piece swimsuit. Nope, these abs enjoy sun.

You must merge as one…um no. Everyone’s all on board that children, if possible should have their own bedroom growing up–a space of their own, privacy, etc–you know, for their mental health. I find being my own person with my own bedroom as an adult just as satisfying and healthy as it was as a child.

But my least favorite “omg, you have to join me and my spouse for XYZ!” No thanks Margo, I avoid you for a reason and that reason still stands despite my plus one. Me getting married didn’t magically make you an enjoyable person.

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