WORST Marriage Advice You've Ever Received

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

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@TwilightRarity:  

Omg you are living my dream!!

I never want to have another live-in relationship again and I truly mean that. Really cool to know there are people out there making it work!

Post # 48
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

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@Relat:  Yes actually!  They all come from a conservative Christian background which they are very proud of.  I’ve found over the years it’s the people who come from a very religious background who give some of the WORST relationship advice and hold very chauvinistic views about women and the “role” they must play to men.

Post # 49
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Another vote against “don’t go to bed angry”.  Staying up all night until we aren’t angry won’t solve anything! Just let me go to sleep before I get over tired and say something mean.

Post # 50
Member
7850 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

One of Dh’s aunts told me to “always have a home-cooked meal for him.” Really? He married me knowing that he is the better cook and enjoys it more, too!

Oh, and my mum’s old cookbooks actually have the advice to have the kids quiet when he comes home so he can relax and put his feet up. Oh, and be sure to dab on some perfume and bring him a cool drink! Ugh, where’s the barfy emoji when you need one?

Post # 51
Member
7947 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

not exactly marriage advice, but my grandmother told me, if i had short hair, i would never find a husband. 

 

I guess I follow bad advice, because I love going on “dates” with my husband.  even now, with the pandemic we still have date nights.  we cannot have a conversation with the kids constantly interrupting.  so after their bedtime is when we have us time.  of course we talk during the week, but we have our phones, the tv is on.  but when we do datenight, we are solely focused on each other, usually over a fancier takeout place with some wine and beer and then we talk about deeper things.

Post # 53
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

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@Shina:  “Oh and to always make sure that I time dinner to his arrival because the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” — my ex’s mom used to preach this to me, among many other unhelpful things that she claimed would show him I was wife material and have him proposing to me in no time. She was always inserting herself into our relationship and giving unsolicited advice, and the advice was like straight from the housewife era. Have dinner and his favorite beer waiting for him when he gets out of work, make sure the house is clean before he gets home from work, dress up for him, make sure that if you’re on your period and can’t have sex that you’re giving him blowjobs (can’t make this up, she really said this to me).

And my favorite bad relationship advice, “if you want something, make him think it’s his idea and you’ll have no trouble getting it”. She literally told me to manipulate him.

None of this worked, by the way. He never proposed to me LOL. Of course now I’m glad it didn’t, I can’t imagine spending my whole life constantly thinking I need to be perfect to keep a man impressed, much less having his mother involved in every aspect of our lives. My current husband doesn’t automatically expect any of these things from me so he is able to appreciate when I choose to make a fancy dinner or deep clean the house.

Post # 55
Member
4615 posts
Honey bee

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@xiphosura:  I do agree that making sure you continue to work on and grow your relationship is important, I don’t think you have to get dressed up and go out.  

H and I do love going out, but I think our relationship got stronger this past year not being able to go out.  We spent a lot of time together and doing things together.  And I think that is the most important thing.

And while I don’t have kids myself, I do think that relationships suffer because when people become parents, they forget about the relationship and put their kids first at all times.  And it can break a relationship.  I’ve seen both sides get to a point where they stray outside the marriage looking for the adoration of another human because they aren’t getting it at home.

But I also understand that it’s easier said than done because parenting is a lot of work.

I think when people say that relationships are work, they don’t mean it’s hard, they mean it takes effort to maintain a strong bond.  Life gets in the way.  It’s not always about getting glammed up, but maybe spending an evening together and focusing on one another. 

 

 

Post # 56
Member
1345 posts
Bumble bee

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@kiraleann:  I can’t believe you Ex’s mom said this to you:  “…..make sure that if you’re on your period and can’t have sex that you’re giving him blowjobs (can’t make this up, she really said this to me).”   Where I’m from, a lot of the conservative religious groups believe that oral sex is evil and that it is Satan’s way of getting in to destroy your marriage.  That a “good woman” should NEVER engage in such evil whorish behavior and lead her godly husband “astray.”  LOL  I can’t imagine NEVER receiving oral sex for the rest of my life.  What absolute hell!

Omg yes, I totally forgot this one that you mentioned:  “…if you want something, make him think it’s his idea and you’ll have no trouble getting it”. She literally told me to manipulate him.”   

My mother loved preaching this one to me.  I have a strong, stubborn, and outspoken personality, so she told me I’d end up single and die all alone because no good man would want me or be able to stand my personality.  I was taught that a good Godly woman should be meek/humble/very quiet (few on words because men hate chatty women). And a wife’s main goal is to protect her husband’s ego/pride and she needs to make him (and your children) believe that HE is the source of all good ideas, leadership, and making the final decisions in the marriage if you want him to stay married to you. 

My god, why is so much of this type of [horrible] advice about trying to keep a man?! Were women THIS insecure and men suffered from such delicate fragile egos back then?   yell

Post # 58
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

No one has ever explicitly given me marriage advice, but my mom has made a few thoughts clear over the years in various ways:

  • stay beautiful and thin forever, otherwise he might look elsewhere
  • don’t ever leave him, especially if he makes a lot more money than you do, because you won’t find anyone else
  • don’t expect him to do things like cook or clean and if he does them anyway you should be SO grateful

So helpful! 

Post # 59
Member
4615 posts
Honey bee

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@Shina:  “My god, why is so much of this type of [horrible] advice about trying to keep a man?! Were women THIS insecure and men suffered from such delicate fragile egos back then?   yell

I don’t think this is fair assessment due to the time period a lot of this advice is coming from.

It wasn’t until the 1960s &70s that women were allowed to open up their own bank account, credit card or even apply for a mortgage without the consent of their fathers.  Women were dependent on men back then, so yes, they wanted to keep them around.  

Obviously, we still see some of those ideals present in our society, but women aren’t considered property and we can go out and buy our own homes and open our own bank accounts.  We don’t need men the way we used to and with that, we have seen a shift in the dynamic of relationships.

 

Post # 60
Member
17 posts
Newbee

My toxic mother, who has never had a healthy normal relationship in her life told me i should basically kiss my husband’s butt everyday and be waiting at the door, excited to see him when he gets home from work. *I dont think i can roll my eyes hard enough at that. 

My husband works nights and gets home very early in the morning. I’m a stay at home mom of 3. Im not waiting by the door for anyone. Also,  What decade are we in again? Lol 

 

Op, I dont wear dresses or skirts ever and my husband hasn’t been able to keep his hands off of my for the 22 years we’ve been together. Go figure. 

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