(Closed) Worst news EVER to get 8 months before your wedding…

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What should I do?

    Move home

    Go to the courthouse

    Go to Jamacia

    Another option

  • Post # 90
    44 posts
    • Wedding: October 2011

    That’s awful. I definitely agree with everyone else — don’t uproot your daughter and your life. You guys are living together as a family already. Moving home for 8 months would cause so much stress for the three of you. That is definitely not worth it for one day, you know? I say either get married in a courthouse, or have a destination wedding somewhere where you can celebrate with your partner and daughter.

    Post # 91
    53 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @SarahKole1712: I dont understand why now after you obviously had premarital sex and lived in sin…why is this all the sudden an issue? I think its all wierd. Dont leave your house and fiance. Why would your parents want you to uproot your child ? For what reason do they want you to come home. Is there more to the story?? I say go to the courthouse and get out from under your parents thumb.. You have your own family to raise now!
    and by the way.. i am not judging you! I was just saying in your parents eyes and the churches you have already done wrong.. ok.. so get over it.. so why now is it an issue???

    Post # 92
    8 posts
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I know you have a ton of responses, but I just wanted to add my bit. Did you ever find out where this started? My first thought, since they have never demanded it before, was maybe other church members have issues with it? Even though your dad is the minister, it is the members of the church, as well. The church members could have an issue with you marrying there when you have not lived (in their eyes) as you should. Talk it out with your parents. Compromise if you can. Tell them your daughter doesn’t need to be away from her father and it would seriously disrupt your family’s life. Offer to sleep in different bedrooms (if you would consider it, and actually keep to it!) or offer to obstain from sex (again, if its an idea if you would consider and stick to)… in the end, the sex issue is probably the biggest deal to your parents and the church. In no way though, if I were you, would I move home… you have a family, a home, and a life!

    Post # 93
    3968 posts
    Honey bee

    I skimmed through the posts, and looked for your updates.  The biggest factor here in my mind is your daughter.  DO NOT UPROOT HER.  Do NOT take her away from HER home with you and her father.

    The reasons your parents are having issues now or didn’t say anything earlier are irrelevant.  They are trying to control things by their threat to pull the funds.

    Sit down with them and find out why they are making a big issue now.  Perhaps your father got convicted about marrying you – WHO KNOWS.  You won’t know, until you talk to them.  Listen to them, be as respectful in your tone as possible, but also but frank about not uprooting your daughter or moving home until you marry.

    Also – give your FIL’s a big hug and accept their financial support.  They rock.

    Post # 94
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @SarahKole1712: I agree with most of the other posters, thank your Fiance family for their support and plan your wedding the way you want it.  There is nothing wrong with getting help from family, and many many people get help from both sides!

    Post # 95
    1850 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Soo…I’ll see you in Jamaica.

    Post # 96
    418 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I am sorry, but I think its disgusting that your parents would dissrupt and confuse your daughter over this. It is not like moving home is going to take away any of the “sins” or ill decisions…or whatever they are concerned about. Moving home changes nothing about your past. This is just so rediculous! You and your HUSBAND are living together as a family and raising your daughter. Whether you’ve been married in front of god or not he is your partner in life and in parenting and you should be with him.

    I do come from a very conservative and christian family. I made the decision to move in with Fiance because it was right for me. I never ever thought I would live with someone before I was married, but our relationship has benefited from it so much. We don’t have children mind you and I don’t think living together before marriage is for everyone. Fiance and I took it very seriously, like it was a marriage and there was 100% commitment there.

    Anyway,  I don’t really have a solution on “how to handle this” because there are going to be upset people and sacrafices either way. You just have to do what you think is best. I agree with you when you said “where does it end. If I tuck my tail between my legs and run home…” You’re totally right …where will they stop? I really really feel for you because this is not a fair situation your parents have put you in. I’ll be thinking about you!!!!

    Post # 97
    2803 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015


    I think that those voting for “go home” probably didn’t realise that you had a daughter. I skimmed the first time and missed this information. This completely changes the ball game.

    Your parents are probably thinking along these lines: 8 months before the wedding would be a terrible time to be pregnant. They would want to avoid that given who your father is, where you are getting married etc Spending time with your family before being married and for them to have a last chance to pass down advice whilst you are still “their little girl”. Also, it would be nice to abstain, live apart and have a wonderful reunion as newlyweds. If this was me I would move back. I like these ideas and would want my dream wedding.

    HOWEVER, the fact that you are more than a couple, you are a family given that you have a daughter, changes all of this. You can’t just move her for 8 months for no real reason.

    What you need to do is what you are already doing: Talking to your parents and asking where all of this is coming from. Perhaps they are feeling as if they don’t see you and their granddaughter enough? Perhaps they just haven’t thought this through. Perhaps they would like you to abstain before the wedding and this was a way of getting it to happen. (but they obliviously haven’t thought it through RE your daughter.)

    Post # 99
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    thats insane! i would understand if you didnt have a daughter and it was in the same town but you guys have a FAMILY. you cant tear your family apart fot 8 months over a formality. are they afraid you’ll have sex before marriage cus thats already obvious. its in the past they cants change it. ask them what tir specific reason is they want to tear you apart? dont they realize kids need their dad when they live with them? ugh ur story just frustrated me.

    who seriously thinkks they can control theor kids. id say f it and make a plan b (just in case) dont do what they say and if they say they wont pay for it cus ur being a MOTHER tell they to suck it up. they can eaither help you or not but they cant do that to you.


    Post # 100
    1392 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I hope the talk went well.   Looking forward to the update.

    Traditional roles on who pays pretty much go out the window now, most people aren’t just starting out with marriage.  If his parents want to pay, let them.  🙂

    Post # 101
    20 posts
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would move home so fast it wouldn’t even be funny! free rent! free food! free wedding!! holy crap, i’d be on that free train so quick.

    seriously, you’ll NEVER get another chance to live at home with your parents (and SAVE YOUR MONEY). I’d do it. I’d do it to be close to my parents while I prepare to make the biggest decision on my life. I’d do it to make living with my husband that much more special. I’d do it in a heartbeat.


    *disclaimer – ive been on my own for 15 years, (both of my parents are dead). but i’d still go home out of respect for my family’s wishes. also – with any luck – they wil get sick of you and send you on your way back to your man 😉

    good luck to you, dear.

    Post # 102
    740 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Nothing is traditinal anymore, mutliple families contribute to weddings these days, so I’d talk to your parents about thier reasons and let them know if they choose to not want to contribute, then that is thier choice and you will find other means to have the wedding, that you will not move back home, uproot your daughter, anything the like. 

    Post # 103
    8 posts

    I voted move home.

    In Catholic premarital counseling they say that they want couples to move out and practice chasity until you are married.

    I think your parents want you to practice chasity leading up until your marriage, when you give yourself to God, and your new husband.

    My fiance and I live together, but even way before we lived together and were only dating we had decided as an individual couple to wait until our wedding night, to us it will be more special if the first time we are intimate is as husband and wife. 

    Even though we are remaining chaste, the church will still not marry us unless they have proof we do not live together.

    Sometimes the Church isn’t fair, but if you want to get married in their church and have your dream wedding, and you only get married once, you have to follow their rules.

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