Worst sex ever? What was yours?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 16
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I once had “sex” with a girl who didn’t seem to know what sex with a girl entailed. Like she thought all we could do was scissor… If you’ve ever seen that episode of South Park where Mrs.Garrison decides she’s a lesbian and scissors female Xerxes, you’ve basically seen this girl’s sex tape. 

I think she was very offend that I laughed. I’d like to give her the benifit of the doubt bc I was her first female partner. But like c’mon nobody fuckin scissors irl. 

Post # 17
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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hickoryhills :  Did we have the same guy? Lol!

I met a guy online and we were going out on a date to a concert at some college. It was about an hour away but he really wanted to go. It was a long walk from where we parked to the concert. We get there at the door and he forgets his wallet in his car, he didnt offer to walk back to get it so I paid for both of us.

I started getting a sore throat and not feeling well. I asked him to take me home and he did. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex. He starts making fucking animal sounds! Then he starts licking my cheek like some crazed version of Rob Schnieder in “The Animal”

I started laughing and he was like what’s wrong. I said do you realize you’re making animal sounds and licking my face? Apparently he thought that was normal and I must be a prude because the other girls liked it.

I had him out the door 10 minutes later and I took a very long shower to feel normal again.

Post # 18
Member
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

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daysgoneby :  OMG, I thought it was just me!  Why is that a thing for guys?! lol!

Post # 21
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Following, because this thread is MAKING MY DAY.

Post # 22
Member
9425 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

one of my exes was just.. pretty bad at sex.  It was in all sorts of ways.. he was awkward, he didn’t seem really in to it… Like, I asked him at one point if I was his first because I just didn’t get it (not during sex!  We’d been dating for a bit when I asked..) at a later date when I visited him (he went to basic training and so we were LDR) and he wanted to have sex I was genuinely surprised–I honestly didn’t think he liked sex that much.

Verrrry long story short, I mean I could type out a lot of reasons supporting what I’m about to say but.. there’s no real point, you’ll just have to take my word for it that I’ve got good reason to believe this:  I’m pretty sure he’s not sexually interested in women.  I do not know if he is asexual or gay or what but it just became abundantly clear to me then, and I have not had my notion disabused in the 11 years since we broke up, that he did think I was a beautiful specimen of a woman.. but that really didn’t do it for him.  His father is a pastor and a close family friend of his leads a gay conversion therapy clinic. His good childhood friend, the son of said family friend, committed suicide after years of being subjected to conversion therapy.. so I have a feeling whatever it is he may never come out of the closet.

Or I’m wrong, who knows.  Doesn’t really matter–just the point of my story is the worst sex I ever had was with a man who I am absolutely certain, after the fact, had no sexual interest in me.

Post # 23
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

I was a very young adult and we were coworkers, we were both drunk after a staff party. He was on top of me and he was just shaking, like vibrating or gyrating. He wasn’t even thrusting or anything and trust me, he wasn’t having no seizure. It was so unenjoyable that I lied, told him I was getting a headache and wished to stop. I’ve had a lot of bad sex experiences, but that one takes the cake.

Post # 24
Member
3970 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

the worst for me was a guy I’d been chatting with online for a few months. He was really cute and friendly but he wanted to sleep with a woman before deciding whether to pursue a relationship because most of his relationships failed after they started sleeping together. After a particularly rough dating phase, I decided “why the hell not”, it had been a while and a girl has needs! And who knows, maybe it would be a funny story we’d tell after we’d been dating a while! lol 

So I invited him over and we chatted for a bit, then started making out, he was being really sweet and holding me. Once things progressed a little, he got real weird and robot like. No kissing, no touching, I dont think the dude even looked at me the whole time. It was really bad and really short, I did all the work and it was all over once he was finished. Afterwards, he just laid there like a dead fish on my bed. I tried to touch him, hold hands or something like we had been before we started fooling around. The guy literally picks up my hand and drops it on the bed so I’m not touching him and laid there in silence. After a few mins he starts chatting like things are normal. I made an excuse and got him out of the door pretty quickly. 

He texted about an hour after he left wanting to make plans to meet up again and was completely shocked when I said I wasnt interested. He asked where things went wrong so I told him. He had “no idea” he was doing any of these things and couldnt understand why I’d felt completely crappy about the whole thing. He wanted to “make it up to me” lol. Sometimes you take a gamble and you win.. this time I lost haha. I cringe now at how reckless it was to allow a stranger to come over and I’m thankful nothing awful happened to me!

Post # 25
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OMG. I’m almost horrified to tell this story (more like remember it). Maybe it wasn’t TERRIBLE, but was disappointing compared to what  my imagination told me it’d  be  like

So I was freshly divorced as of a few months, and went to Target to do some shopping one night, as one does.  Then, this guy comes up to me (I swear, it was less creepy than it sounds) and says he couldn’t help but notice me in the food aisles and he was intrigued, would I mind if he gave me a call sometime? So I said sure. He was cute, why not?

We met up a few days later for a drink, and got talking… He must have looked older, and me younger, as we talked about our recent graduations…him with his undergrad…me on my second masters…and we sat there awkwardly when it both suddenly hit us that that I was like almost 30 to his, what, 22…? 😳   Then he invited me back to his place, and while I was SO not interested in him (and him in me), he had a few things going for him… younger, an African man who grew up in Italy since he was young…. so ALL the stereotypes were running through my mind 😈 and I said SURE. 

Annnnnd…. let’s just say he had the biggest you know what I’ve seen before or since…like WOW… but the whole younger Latin lover piece I was anticipating was NOT to my imagination. After I was like “dafuq was that?” It was like he relied on his massive dick to impress me, and didn’t even try anything else! Sorry dude, size is just a small piece of the puzzle!

Worst part is that it was the end of winter, and I left (didn’t even want to TRY to stay over) and forgot my EXPENSIVE winter jacket since it wasn’t that cold out. Expensive enough that I was NOT going to forget about it. I had to text him for the next week to get it back. I finally caught him at home, he met me down at the door to his apartment and invited me back up, and I said NOPE, gotta go!

That or mayyyybe the time I met a CEO of a company. I just did not have a lot of interest in him, but I tried a few dates with him because, you know, cute, successful, single CEO…you gotta try, right? but the chemistry was just not there and I could not force it no matter what. Last ditch effort, I went to his house for a Super Bowl party, he tried to make the moves on me and I got into it for a bit…then we were up in his bedroom, and it was NOT THERE. Like, not at all. So I faked I wasn’t feeling well and was wayyyyy too tired, had to go, and promptly left, and texted a friend who was downtown at a post-super bowl party. Went out for hours, and a much better time. He kept trying to call me for the next couple weeks and I was just like “ugh”

Post # 26
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I had a one night thing.  I don’t even know why I agreed to have sex.  We’d been watching the longest most boring movie ever made : Batman v. Superman or something.  We start making out.  I didn’t realize he was a smoker ew.  He instructs me to take everything off… ok weird. He tried for a blow job but I don’t do that without testing.  He acted pissed and then I asked if he had a condom.  He did but proceeded to act like it was the end of the world to wear it as he “ can’t feel an f-ing thing”.  Ok I get on top and it’s ok I’m getting there.  Almost immediately he’s like, “can we do doggy?”  Ok never going to get there from that. He pushes my face down into the bed with my ass in the air and proceeds to slap my butt repeat and came super quick. Then he immediately get up and says I should go because he’s going to cook. (It’s now 2am).  Needless to say it was one for the books.

Post # 27
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

There was a guy who talked about sex a lot and was very cocky. He was always throwing his weight around in that he was a hugeky successful lawyer. Then we had sex and… Oh my god. Barely lasted. Could hardly feel it. I stopped seeing him after that. I now know what all those fancy cars and clothes were making up for. 

Post # 28
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

He got mad because I didn’t want the dog in bed during sex. 

We were watching a movie in bed, his pug dog was cuddling with us too, things started to get heavy and he left to get protection…. so naturally I picked up the dog and put him in his doggy bed on the floor. The guy came back was SO mad and wanted to dog to stay in bed while we had sex! The worst part of the story is that he broke up with me. 

Post # 29
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2006

Well, the one that stands out in my mind the most was with a guy I was friends with, but honestly not even that attracted to. We were at a party, ended up drinking too much, one thing led to another and he’s on top of me (on the floor. Relevancy revealed shortly.) and out of nowhere says “I have to stop.” Um, why? He then proceeds to vomit all over the floor next to me. Oh, that’s why. 

I also lost my virginity on my preachers couch. The dumbass (not the preachers son, this was at a party while all our parents were out of town) flushed the condom and clogged the toilet. Preachers wife threatens her kids lives when she finds it and they totally ratted me out. This was also on my 16th birthday, and the guy (who I was MADLY in love with since kindergarten) said he was too drunk to remember anything. Not a fun first time. 

Another guy was so desperate to get in my pants, we met up, got drunk and banged it out. It was awful. He had a dick piercing that he loved to show off and asked if he could keep my panties. Then when I didn’t call him again, he told everyone he had to hit it doggy style because I was so ugly. Geez…

Post # 30
Member
10216 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

 

View original reply
aybeecee :  At least he didn’t donkey punch you!

I have no interesting stories. My ex was really bad in bed until he started sleeping with other women on the side. The worst thing I remember is that he would constantly have his phone out to try and record or take pictures without me knowing. He had asked multiple times to record us, I said absolutely not everytime he asked so then he just started trying to do it when I wasn’t looking.

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