OMG. I’m almost horrified to tell this story (more like remember it). Maybe it wasn’t TERRIBLE, but was disappointing compared to what my imagination told me it’d be like
So I was freshly divorced as of a few months, and went to Target to do some shopping one night, as one does. Then, this guy comes up to me (I swear, it was less creepy than it sounds) and says he couldn’t help but notice me in the food aisles and he was intrigued, would I mind if he gave me a call sometime? So I said sure. He was cute, why not?
We met up a few days later for a drink, and got talking… He must have looked older, and me younger, as we talked about our recent graduations…him with his undergrad…me on my second masters…and we sat there awkwardly when it both suddenly hit us that that I was like almost 30 to his, what, 22…? 😳 Then he invited me back to his place, and while I was SO not interested in him (and him in me), he had a few things going for him… younger, an African man who grew up in Italy since he was young…. so ALL the stereotypes were running through my mind 😈 and I said SURE.
Annnnnd…. let’s just say he had the biggest you know what I’ve seen before or since…like WOW… but the whole younger Latin lover piece I was anticipating was NOT to my imagination. After I was like “dafuq was that?” It was like he relied on his massive dick to impress me, and didn’t even try anything else! Sorry dude, size is just a small piece of the puzzle!
Worst part is that it was the end of winter, and I left (didn’t even want to TRY to stay over) and forgot my EXPENSIVE winter jacket since it wasn’t that cold out. Expensive enough that I was NOT going to forget about it. I had to text him for the next week to get it back. I finally caught him at home, he met me down at the door to his apartment and invited me back up, and I said NOPE, gotta go!
That or mayyyybe the time I met a CEO of a company. I just did not have a lot of interest in him, but I tried a few dates with him because, you know, cute, successful, single CEO…you gotta try, right? but the chemistry was just not there and I could not force it no matter what. Last ditch effort, I went to his house for a Super Bowl party, he tried to make the moves on me and I got into it for a bit…then we were up in his bedroom, and it was NOT THERE. Like, not at all. So I faked I wasn’t feeling well and was wayyyyy too tired, had to go, and promptly left, and texted a friend who was downtown at a post-super bowl party. Went out for hours, and a much better time. He kept trying to call me for the next couple weeks and I was just like “ugh”