Post # 61
Probably either the rim jobs I gave a boyfriend who desperately wanted them though they made me feel positively ill, or the time I had sex with a guy would didn’t cum for 50 straight minutes. I’m sure there are folks that enjoy almost an hour of non-stop thrusting, but I am all about 2 to 3 positions and 10-15 minutes of penetration lol. It was so boring and eventually painful!
Post # 62
APancakePrincess : this is so damn funny hahaha i’m sorry this happened to you but LOL
Post # 63
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
His name was Dustin, and he was not good at thrustin’.
(Sorry, I had to 😂) But seriously, foreplay consisted of a combination of heavy breathing/grunting (I think he was trying to “sexy” growl?) in my ear for a few minutes while he confused the zipper/seam of my pants for my cl*t, during the main event he reminded me of a fish flopping on the deck of a boat – no rhythm or actual thrusting at all, and before I could even get a turn on top to try and salvage the situation, he finished and actually DID growl (loudly and creepily) and then proceeded to A) tell me he was infamous as basically being a sex-pert and B) ask me give his b*lls and buttcrack a “sexy sponge bath”… Needless to say, while the dates prior to this were great, all it took was one time between the sheets for me to say sayonara.
ETA: his name is not actually Dustin – different first letter but still fits the rhyme, lol
Post # 64
1 year late, but this was hilarious 😂
Post # 65
I know, l just came back and read it all because of your reanimation – still hilarious! As is the jetguy poster who only has posts of amazing pomposity about How Things Should Be or in the sex related threads lecturing women on how awful they are to laugh at men.
Just to add to the actual content, once after l was divorced ( a common time for bad sex lol) l had an encounter with a pleasant guy, who, at the point of actual p in v, stopped and asked if he could just look at my breasts while he masturbated instead. And afterwards, after an embarrassingly long time in completion, acted like l must have really liked that…….
Post # 66
This thread is great, and I’ll add a comment to keep her going.
Thankfully, I’ve never had sex as bad as most of these stories, hence why I’m still with the man I lost my virginity to (his virginity was lost to me as well, so we did not know much about we were doing). Our first time was pretty good as far as first times go, but due to our inexperience I always took the sensation of things feeling good as me needing to pee, so I’d always stop to use the bathroom. Hence, it took three years before I came and realized “oh, that’s what cumming is!”
He has also given me pretty bad oral before, in geniune attempts to give more foreplay. Thankfully, our communication is tip top and our sex life is only improving!
Post # 67
I’ve got two: One is the guy who came as he was putting it in. He proceeded to thank me for the excellent foreplay… then put his clothes on and left.
Another is a guy I dated for a brief period of time. Two days after we had sex for the first time (and it was really quite good), he sent me a text and told me a package would be on my door step when I got home. It. Was. A. Sex. Swing. I was absolutely dumbfounded. He said he thought it would make our great sex even better. Who sends something like that to someone they’ve known for a matter of weeks?? I made him come get it and send it back. 😂
Post # 68
A man who dressed and behaved like Ned Flanders had a dick the size of a Vienna sausage. He was sexy, intelligent, and chivalrous so I enjoyed dating him until I saw the tiny tragedy in his pants.
What made it worse is that he would go down on me and then jump up in the middle of sex to wash his face. “I need to clean up. I don’t want to kiss you because then it would be like you eating your own privates.” Yes, a grown man used the word “privates” during a sexual encounter. I could barely feel his dick so I faked an orgasm to end the encounter quickly.
Another man and I were messing around but we never had sex because he was into some very creepy kinks. He wanted me to dress up like a little girl and say “I don’t know how you’re gonna get that big thing inside me.” I wasn’t into DDLG.
During one of our encounters, I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was sniffing the crotch of my panties. When I asked him what he was doing, he said “I love the aroma of pussy panties” and kept on sniffing while staring at me.
Post # 69
This is the funniest thread ever. So I would have to say that the first thing that came to mind was a couple guys, one in college who opened his mouth so wide to kiss, AND his dorm room was plastered with the worst crotch shots from Hustler type magazines. Ok so that didn’t happen…the second guy was when I was living in the city, he was hot looking and foreign but same thing with the wide open mouth when kissing…didn’t happen then either as I just lost interest lol. The worst actual sex was in high school, I was totally in love with my friend’s brother and everyone knew it, including him…one night after she was already asleep we were watching tv and he started flirting and then kissing me…we moved down to the basement couch and it was so awkward and I barely felt it…then he came in me and of course at ages 17 and 16 we were kind of freaking as who wants to cause a pregnancy from horribly awkward sex? K, well no baby conceived…but he told their mom, and it cost me my relationship with her, plus eventually my friendship with his sister.
Post # 71
The guy who “finished” before he got his clothes off. But we were teenagers so he gets a pass. Lol
Post # 72
Micro penis guy!
Cute guy, good jaw line, blonde hair, good body, short. Very put together, creepily put together. Like he definetly spent more time in the bathroom than me and was very metro and perfectly styled… but very into sports. I think he did go wash his face after going down town.
Anyways, second date pulls out all the stops makes a four course dinner, wines and dines. Enough wine that I couldn’t drive home. And I’m like who is this guy… short guys maybe he’s had to compensate for his height…Goes down town and I’m like dang did I just met you.. and then I see it, micro penis. I’m in shock and genuinely curious! What the heck is this, will it grow, did it get chopped off? Nope just the tiniest penis you’ve ever seen. Weenie hot dog size is generous. Like he never hit puberty and it never grew.. idk Anyways then he’s all, you didn’t cum and I’m like.. yeah I did not. Embarrassingly I was in a real weird and sad place and slept with him again. He was nice… Fh still makes fun of me for this, babe, you went back!!! And I’m alll, idk I felt sorry for him…
Months later I saw him out with another girl and had to stop myself from warning her!
Same guy? Haha Or are micro penis’s common.
Post # 73
Ok this one was my fault…
Having very bad rhinitis from allergies, could not nose breathe. At all.
Bf wants head. He’s also a huge long n wide summer sausage, it scared me first time I saw it. I tell him I can’t breathe through my nose and my throat is swollen so DO Not forcibly.hold my head in a deep throat because he will strangle me.
And. He does. And he cums. And I’m flailing.
And I puke all ……..over his crotch. He says, “did I come alot?”, then realizes I puked on his junk. And I have tears streaming my face because I was choking/puking/not breathing.
I jump up tell him not to worry, and I begin wiping him like I am doing a diaper change, butt cracking and all. He says, “this is weird”, and I tell him, “well I AM a mom”. Omg.
Well, nothing embarrasses me in bed, thank god. Lol.
Post # 74
It would honestly be faster for me to tell you my good sex stories
Post # 75
Hahahaha I actually had the same experience regarding seeing him on a date with someone else. I wanted to tell her to run.