- 3 months ago
This thread has been comedy gold.
This thread has been comedy gold.
haha I know this thread is old , but this is my story :
dated a guy that really attractive, funny and really cute. He is fit and omG those muscle mmm hmmm.. So after 2 times meeting him I thought as he is musculous, he would have huge big thing too lol
3rd night, we were teasing and then when I started touching his, I was so shock that it was little tiny mini thing.. ( I am person who sometimes makes faces without me even knowing ) he asked ” whats wrong ? I said nothing- so, I tried to keep going but because it is so tiny, I didnt enjoy it.
After that he asked to meet again and me… I ran, and ran as far as I could lol
Mrs.MilitaryBee : my ex/FWB was kind of like that, it been over 12 years so its really throwing my mind back but I was very sexually attracted to him and foreplay was easy as a result but I dreaded sex, he was HUGE and super HARD (like steel, I have never encountered such a ridged dick anywhere else) and his technique was to just jackhammer away – im pretty sure he bruised my internal organs, I would need a few weeks to recover each time but I gritted my teeth and winced my way through it because I was so infatuated with him lol.
the reality was I liked him but I was scared of that dick.
This thread is so funny, loving all the stories.
I was in Univeristy and fooling around with a new fling, we hadn’t gone there yet but our make out session was getting hot and heavy, shirt off, bra off, and then it happened… my shoulder became dislocated (which happened to me every now and then). I had to stop everything and play it off like it was no big deal. He offered to take me to the hospital but I told him I could usually put it back in place myself. I told him to head home, I would be fine. Ya… I wasnt fine. I had to call in my roomates to help me put on a shirt, they had to call an ambulance but when you live in residence at University security and the first aiders show up, all of who wanted to know exactly what had happened. Ended up having to go to the hospital to be sedated so they could put it back in place. I actually eneded up needing surgery to fix it… Happy ending to that story is that the new fling is now my husband and things had no where else to go but up!
I actually have 2 pretty good stories, 1 was my actual worst sex ever and the second isn’t really about the sex, more about what happened after.
1. My first story is my friends’ favourite party story, they always ask me to tell it. It was actually the first time I ever had sex. I was 16, a month or so before my birthday, to set the stage my mom and I had a very very bad relationship when I was growing up. There was this guy I had known for quite a while because he was my neighbours good friend. My neighbour and I grew up together, I was close with him and all of his friends. So I start to like his friend T, T liked me too and we would meet eachother without the rest of the guys around and just hang out and chat, eventually we kissed eachother and then one Friday he had skipped school and asked if I wanted to skip and hang out with him at his house, I said yes. We just stayed in his bed watching scary movies, things progressed until we ended up having sex. It was actually really awesome, I don’t think I came but I was so comfortable with him, we had lots of foreplay, it didn’t hurt at all and I was really happy about the experience especially because I liked him so much. That night my mom got upset with me for something random and ended up kicking me out. I was out on the street and my old babysitter found out and sent her daughter to pick me up. Her daughter was always awful to me, she took my phone (because I wasn’t supposed to have one, my mom had taken my phone away from me weeks before and T had given me an old one to use so we could text eachother) and she read through my messages. The message she read was him texting me after saying “I hope that was ok for you, I really like you, we don’t have to have sex again if you don’t want to” and she proceeded to start calling me a slut, a whore, and told my parents I was sleeping around with my neighbour and his friends (It was literally my first time EVER) so my parents took me to the psych ward and admittited me because they thought I was displaying self destructive behaviours.
I ended up staying for 1 week because within the first day there the doctors determined I had an anxiety disorder which doesn’t warrant a weeks stay, but also that my mom was emotionally abusive so they wouldn’t release me until she agreed to therapy. That or they were trying to convince me to go live in a half way home (bridge the gap home for teens) but I didn’t want to leave my siblings.
In the psych ward you have no communication to the outside so to T the last thing he knew was I was kicked out and then disappeared off the face of the planet, he contacted my friends and siblings and no one knew where I was. Eventually he came to my house because he was so worried and my mom screamed at him, threatened to report him for rape if he ever spoke to me again and then smashed the phone he had given me. I didn’t know any of this until a lot later so when I was released from the hospital I tried contacting him and never got a response again. So I never talked to him again it was pretty sad but is funny to me now.
Story #2 is about legit bad sex. There was a guy I liked in highschool named J, he was always shy and I knew he liked me but he never made a move, eventually I started dating someone and he got pissed and said a lot of mean stuff to me and then we stopped talking. About 5 years later we randomly reconnect and start hanging out a lot, we both like eachother and one night we were in my van and one thing led to another and we ended up in the back. He was literally inside me (with no foreplay from either of us, straight to sex) for, I kid you not, 10 seconds. I remember counting less than 5 pumps and boom done. It was over so fast I had no idea what had even happened! He then proudly said he was a “one pump chump” and that it was great. He wore that title so proudly it was the weirdest experience I’ve ever had. We never hooked up again.