The worst wedding I have ever gone to seemed quite nice, at first. We attended the religious ceremony, and the reception venue admitted us about an hour after the ceremony ended. What made it bad was the speeches, the food, and shockingly rude behavior from the bride and groom.
Strap in, this is a long story.
Everyone is in early 30’s age group. So old enough to know better.
There was an open bar, but no hors d’oeuvre. People were just drinking, and waiting. And drinking.
Eventually the bridal party arrived. About two hours had passed between the time the venue admitted guests and the time they start serving hors d’oeuvre. Guests were showing signs of being intoxicated. We were getting hungry and had nothing to do.
The speeches went on for about 90 minutes. I am not exaggerating. The speeches were also very long, rambling, full of inside jokes, and 95% of the captive audience was bored as fuck. The bar was closed during speeches, and people started getting up and leaving in droves. I assume they were hungry and/or bored. The father of the bride just up and left for along time too!
Eventually dinner was served. It was a catered meal, a very German menu (neither the bride nor groom are of German descent). I’m not insulting German food, but this wedding was a very west coast crowd, and they were served a lot of sauerkraut and grunkohl (nobody knew what it was, the servers had to double check and tell us). You could actually hear people complaining the food was bad, and plates were left untouched.
But the real cherry on top is how the groom treated his longterm friend “Fred”, and Fred’s longterm girlfriend “Jane”.
The groom, Fred, and Jane all went to school together. The bridal couple, plus Fred and Jane, and many of the guests live in the same city, about a 4 hour drive from the venue. Most people required overnight accomodations to attend.
1. Fred and Jane figured quickly they weren’t on the first round of invites, since they didn’t recieve an invitation, yet their mutual friends started making Facebook posts about “yay bride and groom, got your invite, can’t wait to see you!” type of stuff. (I understand you can’t invite everyone, but don’t tell me it doesn’t sting to realize you’re only getting an invite because somebody else declined. Fred was upset, because he considered the groom a close friend.)
2. Months go by. Eventually they did get an invitation. Time-stamped by the post office as being mailed nine days before the wedding. They’ve had a few months of seeing the bride create happy Facebook posts about finding a venue, finding a baker, picking her flowers, and ordering her invitations. So clearly, this invitation was for the C list.
3. The invite was addressed to “Fred and guest”. Not “Fred and Jane”. Note: they had been living together for several years, and have two children together, including an infant under 4 weeks at the time of the wedding. Fred and Jane were an established couple, they had socialized as a unit with the groom for years.
4. The invite stated adults-only please (which is fine), but Jane had just given birth. This becomes important at the end. Jane was breastfeeding, and was not keen on leaving her infant for several hours, remember venue is 4 hours away. She wanted her Boyfriend or Best Friend home to help her with the baby, not partying without her. Jane told Fred if you really want to go, just go to the ceremony and skip the reception because I need you here, but that she would prefer if Fred declined. (I thought this was a generous compromise.)
Fred hemmed and hawed about going. Keep in mind, even if he had mailed the RSVP back to the couple, the wedding was next week, so they might not even have recieved it. But anyway. It gets worse. Much worse.
5. The groom called Fred on Wed (the wedding was Saturday) and demanding to know whether or not they were coming “so I can give your plate to someone else”. Fred (who lacks a spine) gave a non-comittal answer and said they were having trouble finding child care. The groom got mad and hung up.
6. The groom called back later, and told Fred to just leave the kids with a babysitter and come to his wedding. Fred tried to explain it’s not that simple with a 5 week old, infants need their parents close by, the drive is so long, et cet. I can try to make it to the ceremony but I can’t stay.
7. The groom told Fred to just leave Jane at home with the baby! I really want you at my party.
I can’t even.
But it gets worse!
Time passed. It’s maybe a month after the wedding? In the mutual circle of friends, there are rumblings that the bride is unhappy. Her day was “ruined”. I assumed she was mad that her father walked out during the speeches, but I was wrong.
I get a phone call from Jane! One of the bridesmaids (also a school friend of Fred and Jane and groom), came over, and said she wanted to get something off her chest.
This bridesmaid was in the room when bride and groom were going making their initial guest list. She was present for a very interesting conversation!
Originally groom said he wanted to invite Fred and Jane.
Bride said “I don’t want anyone with kids.”
Groom said they won’t bring the kids.
Bride said she can’t leave the baby home, she’ll bring the baby. NO KIDS.
Groom said I want to at least send them an invitation and let them decline. I don’t want Fred to feel like I don’t want him here.
Bride said I don’t want to waste money on an invite that you think will be a decline.
Groom was pissy, but said fine, cross them off the list.
Closer to the wedding date, the bride was really upset because they had already gotten their RSVPs in and given a final headcount to the caterer, but then a few people did last minute cancellations.
The groom got the brilliant idea to sent a last-minute invite to “Fred and guest” because “he won’t bring Jane if she’s not on the invite”.
(Aha. Ahahaha. Who does this!?)
It’s now about 3 or 4 months after the wedding. Jane sends me a screen shot of a Facebook post from the bride.
Ladies. Prepare yourself.
The bride thanked “everyone” for attending the wedding and how wonderful it was to have their love celebrated among friends and family, blah blah blah. But! She and groom were saddened that so many people cancelled last minute. Bride posted a link to their honey fund on FB, and she tagged ALL the people who cancelled after their intial “yes” reply, AND she tagged Fred and Jane, who she didn’t want to invite in the first place!! The groom was tagged in the post too and he was the first person to comment, saying how much it would mean for them to celebrate their honeymoon in spirit with the generosity of those who could not attend!!
I am not FB friends with the couple so alas I could not witness this trainwreck with my own eyes.
Jane untagged herself, then blocked the bride and groom on FB. I’m not sure if Fred did. He made noise about sending the couple money for their honey moon (wut, why!?), and Jane threatened to throw him out if he dared. (I’m team Jane on this.)
It’s been a few years, but during get togethers sometimes the saga of that wedding still comes up at parties and the group of friends are still tut-tutting over the rudeness.