(Closed) Worst/rudest response you have ever heard of to a NO KIDS wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@tiffani3089:  I feel the same….fiance dosent….but we will have children.

Post # 48
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I didn’t get any nasty responses at all… at least to my face!

Post # 49
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@skippydarling:  We have no kids invited, except FIs 3 year old nephew. He’ll likely leave halfway through to go to bed because our wedding is at 6pm. One person called Fiance t see if they could bring their baby, we told them no. They said find they’d get a sitter, no worries. 

Bottom line, it can be done without drama or rude comments (or at least without the rude comments getting back to the bride). I guess it depends on the composition on your guest list but you don’t necessarily need to expect all of that fuss and drama. 

Post # 50
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@tiffani3089:  Not all families include children, so even if you think a wedding is a family event who says it has to include kids. 

No one gave any rude comments but some rude people showed up to our wedding with their children who were not invited. Pretty sure I won’t be inviting those people to anything else anytime soon. 

Post # 51
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@Pollywog:  WOW! You were kind and gracious enough to provide babysitting services and people STILL complained? WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Just WOW!

Post # 52
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We only had one relative try to stir the pot. I knew we were going to have an issue when my husband’s aunt called my mother about the engagement party they hosted for us. It was a Saturday evening cocktail party, and my parents were worried about the unattended bar, so they decided not to include children. This aunt called my mom and asked “What age do you consider a child?” and when my mom said “under 18” she said “WELL! We will NOT be attending!” and HUNG UP on my mother. They have a 14 year old.

2 weeks later we hosted a family birthday party with all kids invited… she didn’t bring her 14 year old.

Our wedding invite was addressed to her and her husband. On the RSVP card it said “We have reserved 2 seats for you.” She wrote a big zero with a line through it over the RSVP line and then wrote “Because there are 3 of us” across the entire RSVP card.

This aunt is famous for stirring the pot, and our wedding was awesome, so I just look at it like she punished herself. 🙂

To comment on the bigger question, the best piece of etiquette advice I read said that when you are hosting a party, you have the right to decide who is invited. For example, if you host a dinner party at your home, people don’t get to decide who they bring with them. Flip side – people who are invited have the right to decide to attend or not, whatever the reason (kids or other).

Post # 53
Member
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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@Olivetobe:  Wow, she has some nerve!

 

I have never heard of a rude response IRL. We will personally have kids there, at least family, but I can imagine the reactions we’d get if we didn’t

Post # 54
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@mousepeach:  +1 WHY do people think a wedding is a family reunion? No, we do not need to invite Grandpa’s brother’s widow. We don’t even KNOW her! You don’t see them normally. Why do you feel the need to see them now?

 

I had an aunt say the rudest thing… thankfully to my mother and not to me. Her son (my cousin) has two small children. They live out of town and to be honest I didn’t expect them to even come anyways (since it’s in the middle of the school year, a long flight, etc.) However, my aunt called my mother and asked all sorts of questions… why I picked my venue, why I picked my date… and when the subject of no children came up she said it was “such a shame” because the children would be so disappointed that they won’t get to see everyone. REALLY? REALLY? Kids don’t care about visiting with people.

 

On top of that, she said that in that case the whole family would just go to the church for the ceremony and SKIP THE RECEPTION in favor of going back to the hotel and hanging out together with the kids. That way the kids don’t feel left out and they have a chance to visit. I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT! How rude! Why would you even bother coming? And why the heck would you RSVP yes, make me pay for your food and drink, and then skip out on the reception — taking all of my guests with you — to hang out in the hotel lobby? I was furious. The nerve of some people. If the event is not to your liking, don’t come. But don’t try to hijack my wedding and turn it into a cheap family reunion.

Post # 55
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@Pollywog:  You have GOT TO BE kidding me! GOT TO BE! That made me so mad for you I almost spit out my drink when I read it! That’s ridiculous! You provided them all a lovely night with free babysitting! How the heck were you supposed to know what their infants ate! Were you supposed to know which brand of formula they were all on? Shhesssssh! Give me a break! Sorry! *end rant*

Post # 56
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@mousepeach:  That made me literally say “whhaaaaaaaaaaaat!!” out loud! The nerve of some people! Sheeessh! 

With that being said, my Future Mother-In-Law since my fiance has moved down to north carolina from pennslyvania to finish up school and be with me (i know i know, he’s amazing) has REFUSED to come down to visit. It’s been two years. She’s used the guilt trip that she has to save money to come down for the wedding…. -_- take a weekend, we’ll pay for your gas and food, you can stay in the guest bedroom…. REFUSED. But she cries everytime we leave when we visit the multiple times a year, as if we’re not paying for a wedding already! 

Post # 57
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@MrsRight:  Agreed! It’s not a family reunion!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t care how many times a year you guys see each other! 

Post # 58
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My personal thing about the “no kids” rule, is that SOMEONE has to watch them all night. So either you get out the checkbook and hire a babysitter (who knows how much that will cost!). Or you just opt to have them leave the kiddies at home. I went to a really fancy wedding ( 3 levels to cocktail hour…eesh!) and I ended up helping watch my fiances neice and nephew who are four and six…. the nephew tried to trip the waiters and everything, it just wasn’t fun. And it’s not like you can ditch a six year old! Kids gravitate towards me sometimes, I dont usually mind it, but when I’m trying to get my free drink on and dance, it’s pretty annoying! Plus, the parents didnt even go to the ceremony so the kids wouldnt have to wait the three hours for the reception…

Post # 59
Member
3561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

To get the point across about having “no kids” at the wedding, we put “we have reserved x seats for your party, addressed envelopes only for adults, posted it on our website, and I even went ahead and wrote the adults names on the RSVP.

None of this has cleared up any confusion.

We ran into FI’s aunt who said that they got our invite but that FI’s cousin said we forgot to add her child.  FI told his Aunt we didn’t forget, and that we weren’t having kids at our wedding.  His Aunt said, “oh ok, well she may or may not be able to come.”

Then we saw both his Aunt and his cousin out one evening, and his cousin mentioned bringing her 3 yr old to the wedding.  FI said again had to say we weren’t having kids at the wedding, she proceeded to laugh that he was joking, he said he wasn’t kidding, and she said, “That’s bullshit, I won’t be able to go then.”

 

Post # 60
Member
11226 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

We DID invite kids, but most of them aren’t coming except my cousin’s two girls, the 3 year old son of my Out of Town cousin (who wouldn’t have anyone to watch him), and FI’s nephew (which I highly doubt Brother-In-Law and his wife would leave him with anyone, but they’ll likely leave early anyway). I fully expected SIL to flip the fuck out (but in a fakey nice way) if we’d gone child-free, despite the fact that THEY had a child-free wedding. God forbid she be out of arm’s length of her kid ever.

Post # 61
Member
1623 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@RedCushionedRoses:  Be prepared for “But, weddings are family events…how could you not invite children to your wedding?”

Like,

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@mousepeach: said: C.  This wedding is including family but it’s not a family reunion.

+1000.  I would also appreciated if you didn’t think of weddings as a place where you can “wear out your kids b/c they can run all over the dance floor.”  <shakes head>

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