(Closed) Worst/rudest response you have ever heard of to a NO KIDS wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee

Love this thread! We aren’t inviting children except for FI’s “step-cousins” (uncle got remarried, new wife has a 15 and a 12 year old). All of the children in our families are second cousins. We’re having a small wedding of around 100 people and really want everyone to be able to let loose and have a good time. We decided only immediate family meant aunts, uncles, and first cousins only- no second cousins. So these “step cousins” technically count as first cousins. I’m hoping once FI’s uncle finds out that no other children will be at the wedding he’ll decided to leave the kids with a sitter. 

I went to my cousin’s wedding when I was 14 and had a miserable time- I didn’t know any other kids there (besides my younger sister) so I was totally bored.  

Post # 63
Member
1809 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@skippydarling:  

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fis-aunt-upset-at-no-babies-ceremony-sigh#axzz2b6r8UhEN

 

:-/ Fi’s aunt threw a fit and said she wouldn’t go to our wedding without her baby, so I dropped our no children under five rule.

 

Guess who RSVP’d no to our wedding because she didn’t think her 1 year old would be able to handle the trip…? (I FUCKING TOLD HER A YEAR AGO A 1 YEAR OLD WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE A ROAD TRIP FROM CALIFORNIA TO OKLAHOMA!!!!! ARGH!)

 

Balls. This lady’s got ’em.

Post # 64
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee

I had kids at my wedding but my little sister only had the children who were part of the wedding party at her wedding. My mother insisted on having an invitation sent out to a cousin who we rarely see and has four children, two are under three years old. All of her children are bratty, they love to run around and scream, and they cannot afford babysitter. My mother insisted that the “No children” wording on the invitation would be enough. I told my sister that the coulsin would probably think, “No children but ours.” She insisted that my mother call her to let her know in advance but my mother refused. That cousin did not end up getting an invitation.

Post # 65
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am not a parent, but I do not understand why any parent would want to bring their kid to a wedding anyway, aside from the fact that it would cost money to hire a babysitter (however, in the case of some of these kids being 14 or older, could they not stay home by themselves?). Even when I do have children, I feel like weddings will be a nice place to get away for the night.

I’ll be completely honest when I say that I don’t even really like kids, at least not ones that I don’t have some sort of control over. I coach youth soccer, and I am a licensed high school teacher, but I am in charge of those kids, and they listen to and respect me (most of the time) and if they don’t, there are consequences.

I have been to family reunions/get togethers/friends parties where kids have been invited. The adult parents use it as an excuse to not watch their children (they are talking with old friends/family members they haven’t seen in awhile/they are drinking, etc.) and the children literally run wild. At my grandmas at Christmas, we had cousins riding a new scooter IN THE HOUSE, and no one even said a word. My own mother was beside herself since she would never have let us (my sister and I) do that, but they weren’t her kids, and if she had told them to stop, there would be a good chance that they wouldn’t listen/their parents would have been angry that she told their kid what to do.

Essentially, my point is this: at my wedding, I am not going to be able to control your children. If your children run wild, I will be beyond pissed. If you get drunk and don’t want to watch them anymore, I will also be pissed. You may bring your children to my wedding if you promise to watch them like hawks all night long. If you don’t want to do that, don’t bring your child.

My venue doesn’t allow any discount for kids food (actually, they don’t provide it) and there is no discount for alcohol even if I can prove that the children are under 21. Therefore, I am paying a full adult plate price for every child in attendance. Sorry if I don’t want your kid there to waste a full bar tab on. Additionally, I want my adult friends and family that are invited to let loose and have some fun, and not have to worry about their kids all night. That would be my hope at least. Maybe I can only see this from my own, childless perspective, but having an adult reception, especially when there’s alcohol invovled, seems like a no-brainer, and no one should be able to tell you otherwise.

Post # 67
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

The rudest response I got is someone RSVPing for herself and her husband and then it turns out that they are bringing their 2.5 year old, and Future Mother-In-Law apparently told them it was OK.

And in all that?  Nobody told me.  I found out only because Fiance was looking at the seating chart and remembered that his mother had mentioned something about it to him.  He called his mom and found out yes, the kid is coming, and they need a kids meal.

Nobody asked me or Fiance.  Nobody gave us a chance to decide whether it was OK or not.  And we’re paying for the wedding ourselves, so it isn’t like the Future In-Laws are paying or anything.  

There have been two kids that Future Mother-In-Law has “OK”d on our behalf.  Sigh.  We’re too nice to fight them about it.

Post # 68
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I love no-kid weddings.   Unfortunately I think using the “it’s a late wedding and there will be an open bar” argument is futile – then you’re essentially telling the parent that’s giving you problems that YOU don’t think it’s appropriate for their child to be there.

Don’t tell a bitchy parent what is or is not appropriate for their child – they will go off on you and then be insulted.

God give me strength to not lose all sense of decency when I have kids and act like an entitled jergoff.

Post # 69
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Jess1483:  <– What she said.  Let’s not badmouth either way?  I respect everyone’s right to have the a no-kids event. Please respect others right to say no if they have kids and are not able to attend for their own reasons.

I come from a very big, family-oriented family, so kids have always been part of the wedding.  I try to be extra conscientious about my son – I do not want to ruin anyone’s big day!  At the same time, I would respect it if one’s of my cousins wanted an adult-only wedding.  I really hope they understand that I might have to rsvp no if the rest of my immediate family decides to go as I will be without a babysitter. 

I had a bad experience with a babysitter as a child and will not be leaving my son with just anyone. The comments along the lines of, “Why can’t they just find a sitter for my big day?” strike me as very immature because of this.  I would give them the benefit of the doubt that they are not doing it just to spite you.  Just as you are hosting an adults-only event, but are not doing it just to spite them!  Understanding on both sides goes a long way.

Post # 70
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We had a kids-free wedding, but we personally called all of our cousins (they’re the ones with kids) and told them before invitations went out, which I think defused any potential confusion or annoyance.  A couple were disappointed, but they were all grown-ups about it, and they all came.  I think they understood in particular since it was a black tie optional wedding with the ceremony at 7 pm and dinner not being served until 8:45.  Their kids would have been starving and tired by then.  One of my cousins thanked me later — it was the first time in years that she’d had a whole weekend to enjoy with her husband and the ability to have an uninterrupted conversation with her parents and sisters. 

Post # 71
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How about this one – happened to my cousin.

Another bitchy 2nd cousin came up to my cousin at her wedding with major attitude and said

“I’m sorry we weren’t able to give you a gift – we had to use that money to pay for a babysitter.”  

Then walked away.  HELLLLLLLL NO.  Who cares that she didn’t give a gift but to go to a wedding and then throw shade at the bride at her own wedding.   Hold me back.

 

 

Post # 73
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

The worst we had – One of my cousins wives sent me an email BEFORE our invites went out, that we should have let people know we weren’t inviting children. Same cousins wife then declined to attend because she couldn’t leave her children for a few hours. Keep in mind, these kids are 6 and 8 years old, so not exactly infants. And they have family here, sit they wouldn’t be leaving them with strangers. At the same time, we have friends who left a 6 month old at home (6 hours away) so they could be there.

i just can’t understand how some people refuse to do anything without their children. I mean, they’re your kids, yeah, but you really can’t stand to be away from them for even a little? Come on.

Post # 74
Member
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@barbie86:   rent-a-child service! Brilliant!!

Post # 75
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Genetti\'s in Dickson City, PA

@skippydarling:  My grandma asked my sister if my cousin (who she lives with) was able to bring her children. My sister took the heat for me and said that no, we weren’t inviting second cousins to the wedding because of costs [back story: I’m a teacher and Fi hasn’t found a full time job. Funds are L I M I T E D]. Grandma replied, “Oh, I get it, so she’s cheap?”

 

OUCH! Embarassed

Post # 76
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley

@skippydarling:  Before my friend’s wedding, the groom’s aunt called her and said, I see it says no guests under 16, but can “groom’s 14 year old cousin” come?  Bride explained that due to the many young children, teen & preteen members of both families they can’t make an exception for one without inviting all of them, so no, unfortunately she can not come.

Fast forward to wedding day, they brought her anyway!  Can’t believe someone would bring their child after being told both in writing and verbally that she is not invited.  Some people feel so entitled about everything!

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