(Closed) Worthless bee update

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 151
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

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@ worthlessbee   I want to echo lot’s of other bee’s who were appauled at some people on here who were questioning you. It was really just disgusting to read their posts. FWIW, not for a split second did I question the validity of your posts or situation. I think you have handled it in a tremendously strong way and I have faith that you will continue to do so. I’m so sorry you are going through some very tough emotions, but from what other bees who have been in a similar position have said, it is normal to feel this way once leaving an abuser…..which really does suck that after everything he has put you through, he is still making you cry 🙁 You are SO much stronger than you know. I admire your quick departure from him very much. Do you know how many bee’s have been in a silimar situation to yours, posted their story, and in the end couldn’t find it within themselves to leave their abusuer. YOU DID! YOU did that!

I hope when you look in the mirror you see the reflection of a woman who is so strong, so brave, and so ready to conquer her life. 

Post # 152
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Please remove the word “should” from your vocabulary right now.  There is no way you “should” feel, nothing you “should” be doing or “should” have already done.  Be KIND to yourself, let yourself grieve the situation and the love you felt for someone who clearly is and was undeserving.  Your therapist can begin to de-program all of the negative thoughts he ingrained in your soul–things that aren’t true or even begin to describe who you are.  All this is hard, and you have already proven you can do hard things.  This is the beginning of the rest of your life.  xoxo

Post # 153
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

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@ thugwife2015   bless your heart. I’m glad to hear your life has taken a complete 180. You didn’t deserve that bs. That isn’t how life is supposed to be lived. 

Post # 154
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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@ worthlessbee   It takes someone who has been through something like that to understand the feeling. It is like an addiction! Because when it’s good, you’re feeling invisible and you forget how horrible you felt when it was bad. Sometimes, we forget that not all company is good company. And loneliness, although difficult, can be rectified and changed with time or someone who is worth it. But endless days of constant emotional and mental abuse take a toll on you that you never fully recover from. Trust me, it has taken quite a few relationships and many, many years, for me to move on and not constantly be on the defense in my relationships. And still, sometimes if I feel like I am walking on eggshells with someone, I get flashbacks of that horrible relationship I had and compare. I second guess myself. I can’t help it. It’s in me now.

However, looking back, it made me such a strong woman. I no longer take crap from any man in my life, and I knew what to look for and what to look out for. I learned to trust my instincts when things didn’t feel right, and I learned that being on your own is not the end of the world, but a chance to learn more about yourself and become a better person and partner in another relationship. I also have taught my daughter to understand her self-worth, that a kid who does something messed up in the playground does it out of ignorance and not because he likes her! And I now have a relationship that makes me feel balanced and happy and a man who is wonderful to me and a great example to my little girl. 

You’re going to continue having withdrawals, and at times it is going to look like it wasn’t so bad with him. You’re going to remember things differently from how they happened and in your head, you’re going to see yourself at fault more often than not. You’re going to second guess your instincts and your judgment, and many times, you’re going to believe that if you had done something differently, he wouldn’t be how he is with you. IT WAS NOT YOU! Repeat it to yourself, time and time again, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! You are not responsible for the actions of adults around you, you cannot change a person who doesn’t see the error in their ways, you cannot make yourself thinner, happier, better for someone else to love you. The problem lies in them. A few minus or plus pounds in you doesn’t change someone else’s personality. However, their actions can change yours, and if you don’t take care of you, how can you expect someone else to do it for you? You need to be your biggest fan and supporter, you need to learn to trust yourself and cut yourself a break. It all takes time, but in the end, remember you will be smarter, stronger and better for you and anyone else lucky enough to be by your side bee. YOU ARE WORTHY EACH AND EVERY DAY!

I truthfully wish I could give you some of the strength I got after being able to move on from the hell I lived in, but since I can’t, I send you nothing but positive thoughts and only the best wishes that you can see yourself for the great woman I know you are. Good luck bee and only update if you have to. Take care of you first.

Post # 155
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@ worthlessbee   I know this might be selfish to ask, but please update us if you can? I am worried sick about you. That hateful email he sent has me so nervous. 

If not, please know that I (and so many other bees) are rooting for you. 

Post # 156
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@brideprivee   Yes, I saved the old thread in case the OP might need it in the future. But at the time it was “only” 23 pages, and it grew to over 50.

Again, to the OP, ((((hugs)))), stay strong and stay safe. And while we’ve given support, I hope you’re finding support and help in real life.

Post # 158
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@ worthlessbee   WorthyBee, 

I hope that with everyday that goes by you can feel the love from the women of this board, that we do support you, and hope that every day gets better and easier.  

Post # 159
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

Hey darling…hope you’re doing ok. Thinking of you. G

Post # 160
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Hugs. Hope you’re doing ok!

Post # 163
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Huge huge hugs, bee!! I was worried he might show up at your parents house at some point, because I figured he knew where they lived. How did he know you were there, though?? I’m scared for you! Are you 100% sure he didn’t follow you? Did you check your car for GPS trackers?

I’m so glad your parents protected you from him. He IS a monster and I’m super proud of you for turning around and not going over there! Stay strong, bee. I’ve been thinking of you.

Post # 164
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

You are going through so much, and handling it all with so much strength.  I’m so glad your family is supportive and keeping you safe.

I can’t imagine how hard it was to read that letter and then turn around.  I’m so proud of you.  It’s great that your husband might be getting some help for his own sake.  But right now it’s all talk and little action, and really, after everything he put you through, does it matter?  Stay strong and and keep going to your own therapy…it won’t be an overnight fix, but hopefully little by little you start feeling OK again.

Lots of love and hugs. 

Post # 165
Member
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Bee, of course he is apologetic and remorseful.  That is what abusers become when their victim no longer tolerates their abuse.  They stay that way just long enough to get the victim back and to let the victim settle back in, then cycle happens again.  It’s classic and well-documented behaivior called the Abuse Cycle.  Here is a graphic, but if you google “abuse cycle” you will see that your feelings are totally normal, just as his behavior is totally normal for an abuser.  Please, please, please, do NOT go back!  I promise the cycle will just repeat itself.  Please read all about the cycle so that you can see that he is not okay.

 

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