Post # 166
the old “I’m so horrid no one could love me please forgive me” move. Please notice he didn’t cry about how you are feeling right now.
All he talked sbout is his feelings. Because you left him.
An abuser who is getting help knows to ask you about your feeling of safety. Coming by unannounced isn’t indicative of awareness of the terror he instilled in you.
I wouldn’t fall for his ode to self pity.
Actions, like a year of anger management and accountability, speak louder than words.
Post # 167
Please don’t fall for this. It’s a trap. My best friends husband hits her and then apologises saying he is the worst person in the world and will get help only to hit her again and again. They never change. Please ring your therapist for an emergency session, or do you have a life line you can call or an abuse victims place you can call. Don’t go back to him, you have been amazing. Don’t falter now!
Post # 168
nattybeee : BearBear47 : Miss_Mae :
I needed those words tonight. Thank you ladies.
Post # 169
Stay strong!!! Stay away from him! You are worthy of a new life without him. You can do it!!!
Post # 170
I haven’t commented in a while but I have been following you, I hope you will read this. PLEASE listen to MelissainNC . THE CYCLE WILL REPEAT. DO NOT GO BACK. You are doing so so well and being so so strong, and this is when it takes every bit of your strength. He has ruined any chance he ever had with you, it doesn’t matter what he does from this point forward. He will NEVER deserve you, and he will likely NEVER change. Only be able to say enough to rope you back in. Other bees said before he may run back, he may be sweet, you will be so tempted to go back, but absolutely DO NOT. You have achieved the hardest and gotten yourself out of that situation. Don’t put yourself through that again. Continue your therapy, continue to rely on people who love you and care about you (YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT). At your weakest moments, call your best friend. Read or listen to negative things and realize that is what you will be returning to, NOT this sweet facade. Do WHATEVER it takes to convince yourself you CANNOT go back. So proud of you for how far you’ve come, please stay strong! <3
Post # 171
Classic move on his part. Be prepared for him to blow up in an epic way when he realizes it’s not working.
Be strong. You are doing so well. Stay your course. You have so much support. And you are worth it.
Post # 172
Love, if you go back to him please understand that You may not again have the opportunity to escape. Please let your head lead you on this one for a while. You know he is a bad man. Don’t subject yourself to this again.
Post # 173
I think he drove by because he remembered my dad’s birthday and knew I would be over at their house. My dad’s birthday is a day after his brother’s birthday. I think if he had a GPS tracker he would have already gone to my new apartment.
Post # 174
i was just thinking about you. i’m so happy you posted. much love and if you need anything, PM!
Post # 175
that makes sense! Just so worried about you and want you to be safe. You’re doing so great and are so strong, even if you don’t feel it at this moment!! Sending love your way!
Post # 176
Beautiful Bee, thank you for updating us. The Bees are giving you excellent advice.
Your husband should not have shown up at your parents house. He was trying to catch you off guard & corner you. And he was brazen enough to do it in front of your family. I’m so glad that you have a supportive family.
Bee, my best friend left her husband about 18 months ago & it is still difficult for her. She still cries sometimes. She gets lonely. But she knows that she has made the right decision & that she is a completely different person now, so much happier & stronger then she was.
The way that you are feeling is completely normal & expected given the circumstances.
We won’t stop supporting you.
Post # 177
worthlessbee : Please do not fall for that trick! It’s all lies.
If I remember your original post correctly, he verbally abused you every day for 3 years. He forced you to have sex when you didn’t want to, which is rape. He closely controlled you by putting a GPS tracker on your phone and always checking your internet history. Then after you left he sent an abusive, angry email saying that he never loved you.
So this is not genuine remorse. It is a last-ditch effort to get his slave back. No man who loved you would have done the things he did.
Though of course, keep the letter and pass it on to your lawyer, as evidence for any divorce hearing. Because it shows that even he admits he mistreated you.
Post # 178
I am trying my hardest bees. I continue to play his recordings to help me remember the awful moments. My therapist doesn’t want me to because she said I am “punishing” myself with his words. I know if I don’t I start to forget the abuse and miss him even more. I’m taking it day by day, hour by hour. I started to count when my panic attacks get really bad. I will count down slowly from 100 focusing on my breathing until I can catch my breath. If I am still sobbing I start again and I will usually calm myself down. I don’t have energy for the gym yet but I hope to soon.
Post # 179
Wow… it sounds horrible when you write it out all together. Reading that really helped me not reach out to him tonight. Thank you.
Post # 180
An abuser who is truly making changes will put the safety and comfort of their victim as their first priority and understand that trust is re-built slowly. Actions speak louder than words, he prioritized his own feelings and agenda over you and over your father having a good birthday. HE HAS NOT CHANGED, only his words have…… For now.
Just know that even if it is contrary to everything your heart is telling you, you need to stay away and it will get better. Repeat over and over “if I stay away it will get better, if I go back it will get worse”. If you go back the honeymoon will be a crazy high but the real him will return and life will continue on in the spiral of hopelessness, hurt, and self doubt.