(Closed) Worthless bee update

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 196
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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worthlessbee :  Worthybee, I keep reading, and I am so terribly sorry for all the pain and suffering he has caused you.  It makes me cry.  I am so glad that you are safe, that you are healing, hour by hour, even.  I am so glad that you have your mom and dad to protect you.  I am so glad that you have already begun a new life for yourself.  We are so proud of you.  You are strong.  Keep going.  It will all be worth it.  Did your lawyer get the restraining order for you?  Can you call your lawyer tomorrow? Also, remember to send the letter to your lawyer.  If he shows up again, call the police, because he will, if he hasn’t already broken the restraining order.  Stay strong!  😉

Post # 197
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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worthlessbee :  of course he would write that letter – if abusers made it easy to leave, then everybody would leave quickly… They make it as hard as possible, because they’re calculating, sadistic and manipulative. You’re doing wonderfully. 

Post # 198
Member
7639 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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worthlessbee :  Well obviously his lawyer is going to say that. His lawyer’s job is to stand up for his interests.

Be guided by what YOUR lawyer says. If your lawyer says there’s a good chance of getting a restraining order, then get one. He’s already visited you unannounced once. He’s made a joke about killing you and burying you in the desert. And weren’t there threats in that first angry email?

He’s worried about his career? He should have thought about that before he began controlling you, verbally abusing you, and raping you. 

EDIT: I just googled, and it seems like a RO is no big deal for him as long as he abides by it. In other words, he’s bluffing. But again, your lawyer can advise you there.

Post # 199
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Amazing Bee I have been reading your story from the very beginning and you have been in my thoughts for weeks! 

Please keep on being strong, beautiful, smart, and steadfast.. DON’T go back to him! Like others have said, although he has apologized he is still gaslighting the situation to make YOU feel bad for HIM. When in reality, you have done absolutely nothing wrong. My heart broke for you when I read your words questioning why he didn’t love you the way you loved him… I just wanted to say that it isn’t your fault. It is a fundamental problem with who he is as a person, and I guarantee he will treat any partner as he treated you, even if it was never apparent from the outside. He is an abuser and the way he treated you was 100% because of him, not you.

You have so much to offer and so much love to give and he doesn’t deserve any of it.

Also, below is a link to a Buzzfeed article about some unique ways to handle panic attacks.. I’ve found that number 3 helps a lot.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/panic-attacks-at-the-disco?utm_term=.panz467ZRK#.uvDqP9EaAD

Stay strong Bee! The healing is already happening, even if you can’t feel it yet. One day, you will be able to breathe. You will be able to run errands, have friend dates, and go shopping alone and not have to worry about him or be afraid. And one day, there will be a day that goes by when neither him nor his horrible abusive words will not even cross your mind.

<3<3<3<3<3!!

Post # 200
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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aussiemum1248 :  Absolutely!  Have your lawyer get that restraining order no matter what it takes!  Your life may depend on it Worthybee

Post # 201
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I’m glad to see an update and that you’re staying strong. It may not feel like it now, but you’re onto bigger and better things. True love, respect, happiness, excitement, joy, they all await you. Key word being “await,” don’t rush it – feel the feelings, let these stages of grief happen, don’t try to fight it… but don’t give in. One day, one breathe at a time.

Also, a word of caution, not meant to freak you out, make sure he didn’t stick a gps tracker on your car while he was there. They’re very small these days, see if the police department can check the car for you? Maybe I watch too many cop shows, but it’s possible. He was close enough to it to stick a letter on the windshield. I’ve heard of controlling men doing crazier things. 

Keep your head up Bee, and please don’t be hard on yourself. It’s normal to be feeling these feelings. Work on growing your love for yourself, and the “love” for him will pale in comparison.

How is your dog? When can you get her (?) back?

I didn’t catch the last pages of the last thread, so sorry if I missed something.

Post # 203
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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worthlessbee :  Worthybee, please print these out, if you can, and bring them to your therapist, so you don’t have to state them, or remember them any more.  Don’t torture yourself.  Treat yourself as you wanted him to treat you.  You deserve to be treated with love and respect.  I pray for you everyday, and ask God to take your pain away, and help you heal.   May your guardian angels surround you and help you to sleep and to heal.  

Post # 205
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

Hi bee, I’m not sure how much one more username will mean in the sea of hundreds that have reached out to support you, but I just wanted to say that I’ve been following your story and checking compulsively for updates since the day you reached out. I don’t have much to add, but I am in awe of your resolve and strength. I’m glad you’re able to see through his facade to see the abusive piece of shit that he is… his words in his recent letter pale in comparison to his years of action, and I know you know that! Go get ’em, girl. Get the restraining order, keep on taking these steps that you’re taking to make your life better, and don’t look back! And as long as you feel comfortable, please do keep updating us. You’re in my thoughts often, and it’s always good to know that you are safe. 

Post # 206
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh sweetheart. You write whatever you need to on here, if it helps. 

I wish I could do more than just write on a website, but please know I am sending positive heart-healing vibes Ron New Zealand. 

Definitely push ahead with the restraining order, and don’t give up. I don’t think you understand how amazing and strong you are. You might not feel it, but look at what you have achieved in the last couple of weeks! 

Keep looking after yourself, bee. If you need something to help you sleep or relax, maybe look at tea. A sleepy tea or similar might help. 

Post # 207
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Worthybee, I feel I can’t add much to what others have already said but I do want you to know that we’re all here cheering for you, supporting you in whatever way we can from other countries, states, continents, etc. Please imagine us like this, all for you:

And the only other thing I wanted to mention is to do your best to think about your positive, bright future ahead of you instead of thinking about your past. Think about what you’re looking forward to (stability, independence, self-confidence, taking charge of your life, etc). Think about what you want your amazing future partner to be like down the road (kind! thoughtful! generous! honest!). I think this might help keep pulling you forward to a better future because it’s so so temping to mistakenly dwell on what “could have been”. Think about how amazing your future will be, and how it’s already so much better than it was even a couple of weeks ago. Keep pushing forward, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You’ll get there, right now it’s baby steps, but one day you’ll look back and say, “I never thought I would be so happy!”

<3

Post # 208
Member
2159 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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worthlessbee :  Thank you for sharing all of this with us, because you’re such an inspiration – your strength, bravery, ability to get out of such a horrible situation and move forwards… You’re a wonderful person and so many good things are in store for you now that you’ve left that horrible horrible man behind. Nobody who is capable of laughing at his wife while she’s misscarrying, belittling her when she’s in so much pain is ever capable of changing, so don’t fall for his calculated letter for one moment. It’s all lies… you already saw the truth. Things will only get better from now on 🙂

Post # 209
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2016

 

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worthlessbee :  I set up this account to reach out to you. I stumbled upon your other post by accident. I am going through different but the same things. I am not ready to talk about it.

I believe i was meant to find your post. You know you are doing the right thing. It is just so difficult to accept that we have experienced such unspeakable things. You keep going, hoping it will not be the last page and a better chapter may come.

Reading your story has challenged me . Because of your story and hearing every one else’s, I have also taken the next step. No one unless they have experienced it understands how hard it is to take this step. You are so brave beyond words. I care for you and I want you to remember you are doing the right thing. You do not have to experience this sort of treatment any more. You are walking towards happier times though it is difficult now.   Be proud of yourself. I am thinking of you.

Post # 210
Member
3022 posts
Sugar bee

You can get a restraining order if you have been threatened.  You don’t have to have been assaulted. I believe from your previous posts (possibly on the deleted thread) that he has threatened you by email and phone message.  

You know that your husband’s behaviour follows a pattern so you can predict what is coming next.  Please see my previous post on this thread.

There are domestic abuse support organisations and telephone helplines.  Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional and/or psychological so these helplines would cover your situation.  Tell us what còuntry you are in and I’m sure that someone on this thread will provide you with the relevant phone numbers.  Make sure that you ring them. This is very important.  The people on the helpline will be able to provide much better advice than we bees can and much more quickly too..

Hand the letter that your husband put on your windscreen to your lawyer and a copy to your therapist. By promising to be better in the future your husband is showing that he must have been worse in the past.  

I have to say that I am curious about something.  How are you managing to play and listen to the phone recordings of your husband’s threatening, abusive phone messages?  On your previous thread didn’t you say that you had given these recordings to your lawyer?  These recordings constitute evidence of threatening behaviour.  Why would your lawyer give the tapes or phone back to you when the recordings are needed to provide evidence for the restraining order and a quick divorce?  The recordings would need to be kept safe so they couldn’t be damaged or overwritten.

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