Would a methodical SO be a dealbreaker for you?

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

misscake :  there’s a difference between methodical and a jerk. No one you love should call you porky. 

Post # 3
3014 posts
Sugar bee

misscake :  I could be with a methodical person (within reason) but not with someone who called me porky cause I gained 6 lbs! Jesus I can gain 6 lbs just by breathing sometimes, that’s nothing. 

You guys seem kinda incompatible. I feel like your partner might be better off with someone who shares his zealous devotion to working out and organizing his life down to the minute, whereas you’d be better off with someone a bit more…normal. Also someone who is less of a dickhead.

Post # 4
4747 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

misscake :  Calling you porky would be the dealbreaker here.   That is, in my book, totally unacceptable.  

A person is far more than their physical attributes.  

Post # 5
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think it has anything to do with being methodical….  It sounds like he’s an early riser and going to the gym is important to him.  That’s fine by itself.

The issue is that he’s calling you names and putting you down.  That’s not ok.

Post # 6
4467 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

misscake :  Whoa.  3:30 gym time??  That’s nuts.  I know people who go at 5 or whatever but 3:30????  Yikes.  The porky comment is just ridiculous…6-7 pounds does not make you “porky”.

I feel like you two aren’t compatible.  He is obsessive about this gym thing, and it doesn’t sound like you are — which isn’t a bad thing, it simply sounds like lifestyles are different.  I know personally I could never be with someone who gets up super early to go to the gym and would expect me to do the same.  I think he needs to find someone who has the same interests as him and you need to find someone who has a similar lifestyle.

Post # 7
2919 posts
Sugar bee

6 or 7 pounds is literally nothing. He sounds a bit too inflexible. It would bother me too be called porky. And for reference I’ve gained about 20 pounds since meeting my husband and 56-60 since college. Lost 10 again but I’ll never be where I was in college. The point being is its great to be worried about health but to be obsessed with it is another. I’m much healthier now even though my weight didn’t change much. I eat veggies daily and limit my sugar, but I’m still chubby. It’s important to be with someone who accepts you as is. You never know what life will throw your way. I never had issues with weight until mid to late 20s and now I struggle with it despite eating healthy. 

You have to think hard if your lifestyles match. For example know I am never going to get up at 5 to workout because I literally feel sick that early in the morning. I might do evening workouts but that’s just my lifestyle choice that works best for me. I also like hiking better and that’s important. But gym workouts are not for me. You like to rest after work and he goes to bed early.  You said it didn’t bother you until her made the comment. 

Also calling someone porky is very rude and not loving. There’s a lot to think about here. But in reality 7 pounds isn’t that much at all. 

I keep thinking and changing my post! But this isn’t right. He sounds like a jerk really. I mean even if you gained 20, he should never be rude. I just don’t think I could deal with that. 

  • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by  sweatergal007.
Post # 8
2919 posts
Sugar bee

Edit to 3am. Literally never getting up at 3am to workout. That’s different. I have a friend that is very much into fitness but even she doesn’t get up that early. And she does competitions too. 

Post # 9
1496 posts
Bumble bee

The 3:30 gym thing would literally be a deal breaker for me of itself lol.

I agree that you aren’t compatible. I think noting that someone has gained weight isn’t always a bad thing, but the way he did it is so insensitive and rude. Time to move on!

Post # 10
85 posts
Worker bee

It wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me personally but I am not you and only you can know if this is something you can live with. I am quite independent so if he didn’t want to go to dinner once a month, I would find someone else to do it with. He goes to the gym early in the morning? I see it as an opportunity to hog the bed to myself. I also appreciate a man attempting to stay in shape. The only issue for me would be his comment. And if my man pointed out I was putting on a little weight, I wouldn’t mind. But it would depend on how he said it and what his intentions are (and if I believe he would leave me if I am not at my best at the moment).

Post # 12
3988 posts
Honey bee

Any boyfriend who called me porky and suggested I need to eat and workout like him would quickly get my porky hoof straight to the teen. 

Post # 13
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

That doesn’t sound like any fun at all. When was the last time you guys just hung out and enjoyed one another’s company? I could see being with someone totally regimented like that if I was as well and we could do those things together. But for who I actually am, it wouldn’t be fair at all to try to make my lifestyle compatible with someone who needs that much structure. Have you guys talked at all about making some compromises? Is he just not willing at all? Are you willing? 

Also, I have no time at all for snarky remarks about my weight. That is ridiculous and indicative of bigger problems, IMO, like the fact that he is probably just a total douche.

Post # 14
1703 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Methodical is thinking things through, so planning rather than jumping into something, so no that wouldn’t be a deal breaker to me. Perhaps because I can be quite methodical.

What your bf is, is a jerk. I’ve gained a lot more than 6lbs and my husband has never said anything close to what your partner has said and he wouldn’t dream of calling me porky. 

So my partner being a jerk, that’s a deal breaker for me.

Post # 15
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

The fact that he called you porky should be a deal-breaker. That’s rude & uncalled for. Partners do not put each other down, ever. 

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