(Closed) Would anyone else be hurt by this, or am I over reacting?

posted 7 years ago in Parties
  • poll: Would you be hurt?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 2
    Member
    6292 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I definitely would be disappointed, but it’s one day.  Let it go and be happy with the people who can make it.  

    Post # 3
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    daniga:  I am presuming that you are 100% sure that she has set aside her previous YES to your event in order to attend this other one.  If this is so, it is incorrect behavior on her part.  One of the cardinal guidelines of guest etiquette is that one cannot set aside a commitment to one event in favor of a committment to an event that seems more appealing.  (Obviously if there was some sort of extremely unusual extenuating circumstance or this was an event involving a parent or a sibling her behavior would be somewhat more understandable, but, in general, the point holds.)  Thus, I think you have a right to privately be annoyed by your friend’s social faux pas.  However, at the event itself you must not speak ill of your friend or allow your irritation at her absence to overshadow the gratitude/excitement that you will surely feel for all those who are attending!

    Post # 4
    Member
    5136 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    daniga:  i would be disappointed, especially that she RSVPd and then back tracked. 

    I would let it go, your bridal shower will be a great day! Enjoy it With the people who do come

    Post # 5
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I would be disappointed. But it sounds like she is closer to the other friend. She had to make a choice, it doesn’t matter when the invites were sent. The strength of the friendship was most likely the deciding factor. It stinks but that happens. I’m sure you would have a hard time deciding if put in the same spot. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1767 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would be disappointed and a little irritated since she already RSVPd “yes” (bad form on her part) but it could have something to do with her relationship with the other bride. She could be closer friends with her or maybe she was asked to be a bridesmaid? You don’t know exactly what their relationship os like. It’s a tough situation for her to be in but if I were her, I’d base it on who I am closest to.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    theatrejulia:  It is absolutely inappropriate to set aside one event for another without an exceptional reason (“I like this other person better” is not sufficient) after you have already RSVPed in the affirmative.  It would not have been too difficult for the friend to discreetly ascertain whether or not her two friends would be having showers at the same day/time, and she should have done so before making a firm committment to attend an event.  If I were the hostess of the shower, the person who backed out on the RSVP to my event would be blackballed from all but my most wide-net social gatherings, at least for a time.

    ETA: If it turns out that there’s some massive piece of info omitted by the OP, like that the friend who backed out is in the bridal party for the other woman, then that changes things, and I think that would possibly fit under the “extenuating circumstances” bit.  However, even in that case, a much more sincere apology to the hostess of the event than was given would be necessary, in my opinion.

    Post # 9
    Member
    389 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    do you know for sure if she is going to the other one? maybe she is going to neither so she doesn’t have to pick between two friends?

    Post # 10
    Member
    683 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I would not care but that is just me, but I also would not be interested in even knowing why someone didn’t come, maybe if you didn’t know it wouldn’t bother you? Either way I honestly would not care. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    People are closer to some than others. It’s life. I’m sure you have friends that have different priorities to you. Plans change. Celebrate with the people you have.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7440 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    MarriedToMyWork:  I wouldn’t take it personally or cast a person out. I understand they have other priorities. It’s hard to know what the future brings and sometimes plans have to change. If a friend RSVP to our wedding but a closer friend had another event on the same day I wouldn’t be offended the friend had another priority. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    702 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    View original reply
    daniga:  I wouldn’t take it personally. I actually forgot about one of my friend’s showers. I was a single mom at the time and had way too much going on – and I thought it was the Saturday following. I don’t think she ever forgave me. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    daniga:  it sounds like you are planning your own bridal shower. This could be the reason why so many people have declined your invitation as this is considered very rude. 

    As for your friend, you are correct, she has chosen who is “more important”. But if she is really a good friend, you should speak to her and know what is happening in her life. Perhaps something other than this other bridal shower happened (like a sick family member) and you are just making assumptions.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    soontobemrsKB92615:  +1 on the ‘no hosting your own shower’ part

    View original reply
    daniga:  OP, while I maintain that backing out of a ‘yes’ RSVP is inappropriate, I do also agree with soontobemrsk–you are committing an even bigger faux pas than she is if you are hosting your own shower (and upon a closer read of your post, that does appear to be what you are doing).  If this is not correct, then you can disregard what I’ve said here, of course.

    The topic ‘Would anyone else be hurt by this, or am I over reacting?’ is closed to new replies.

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