(Closed) Would anyone else NOT be bothered by this?

posted 6 years ago in Rings
  • poll: Would this upset you?
    This would never bother me in a million years. : (5 votes)
    3 %
    This wouldn't bother me, as long as the ring was my style. : (21 votes)
    12 %
    I might be a little upset at first, but I'd get over it. : (25 votes)
    14 %
    I'd be so mad/upset! He'd definitely have to buy me a new one. : (83 votes)
    46 %
    I'd be annoyed because I want to pick out my own. : (19 votes)
    11 %
    It would only bother me if he had actually *proposed* to another woman with it already. : (26 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee

    oh no, i wouldn’t be happy with that. knowing that he wandered around shops trying to find the perfect ring for ‘her’ and hadn’t done that for me? knowing that the ring on my finger was bought with her in mind?

    absolutely not. even if i liked the style, i wouldn’t want it.

    Post # 4
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I think as long as the ring happened to be a style that I had professed a preference for and he decided to use it for that reason then it would be fine. I would not be okay with him just giving me the ring and hoping I would like it/keep my mouth shut if I didn’t because it was a gift. 

    Post # 5
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I hate saying this because I’m pretty laid back, but yes, I’d be bothered by it. 

    He picked out and bought that ring, a process that is nervewracking and extremely heartfelt, for another woman in mind. 

    I don’t know what I would do to rectify the situation, but yeah, it wouldn’t go over too well. 

    Post # 8
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee

    Something like that has happened to me before. An ex who was married and divorced long before I came around gave me a necklace his ex wife actually wore often.

    I found a picture of her wearing it. He gave it to her for their anniversary. I called her an asked her if she wanted it back. She said no. So I threw it in a river and broke up with him a week later.


    Post # 9
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    If it were totally my style, maybe I wouldn’t care.  He didn’t propose to her with it.  It also kinda depends how their relationship ended and if he is still in communication with her.  So I guess it depends on a lot.  I think I would prefer that he had recycled the diamond in a setting I liked or something maybe.

    Chances are the ring wouldn’t be the same style lol.  FI has been married before and his ex had a three stone princess, mine and what I wanted is a solitaire round so if he had proposed to me with that ring and had never proposed to her with it I would be sad it wasn’t what I wanted but accept it and if then later I found out that it was meant for an ex then I would be mad because it wasn’t what I wanted and he just gave it to me becuase he had it.  I guess whats weirder in this Nick at Nite situation is that he even had the ring in the first place.  Why hold on to it?  Why not return it after the fallout.

    Post # 10
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Yes, it would bother me. However, I know that engagement rings are supposed to be returned to the giver in the event of a breakup, so what would he do with it? Resell it and then buy another at a huge cost?

    I would probably suggest that we had the diamonds reset in a setting of my choice to “break the curse” of broken relationships. Sorry… I’m a bit superstitious like that…

    Post # 11
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m generally pretty laid back but, yeah, this would bother me. I love my engagement ring – it’s really unique, and I can see my fiance put a lot of thought into getting something that he thought was “me”. It would almost be like if he picked out a dress for me to wear at the wedding that an old fiance had planned on wearing! Normally, a ring is just a shiny lump of rock and metal to me, but I like the thought that he bought this with me in mind, not someone else.

    Post # 12
    688 posts
    Busy bee

    It would hurt my feelings he didn’t take any time or effort for me, whereas he did for her. If he really wanted to do that, then I would have liked to been asked if I’m ok with that kind of thing before he did it. I’d want to see the ring and on the off chance it turned out to be my dream ring, then maybe.

    Or, I’d agree to use the stone, if it was a shape and size I liked, and put it in a different setting with my tastes in mind.

    Post # 13
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Not okay. No way. Completely misses the significance of what an engagement ring IS.

    I just asked Fiance and he said: “No that’s not okay because the ring would have been chosen for that specific person.” 

    Post # 14
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    First of all, I love Yes, Dear! lol. That episode was hilarious. 

    But yea… I’d be pissed if I were her too. I think at a minimum he should’ve had the stones reset into a new setting for her


    Post # 15
    711 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012 - Watch tower lodge, Black hawk state Park Rock Island, IL

    I would TOTALLY be bothered by this! most men seek out a ring that fits their SO personality and style, for him to give me a ring he picked out especially for her….i would lose it! my Fiance first wife’s wedding dress he found out she had actually bought for a previous wedding to someone else and the weddding was called off, she had it in the back of her closet for years and decided to wear it to marry him….to me its the same thing, you buy a dress to wear for the man you love, you want to look nice for him and your special day, to wear a dress you bought to look nice for another man is just wrong!

    Post # 16
    700 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2004

    I would want something he picked for me, not for someone else. I think the sentiment behind a ring that was meant for another woman would get to me.

    The topic ‘Would anyone else NOT be bothered by this?’ is closed to new replies.

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