(Closed) Would anyone really NOT like a donation in lieu of a favor?

posted 8 years ago in Favors
  • poll: How would you feel about a donation in lieu of a traditional take home favor?

    Love it! No more knick-knacks...

    I am not comfortable with it

    Other, I'll explain...

  • Post # 3
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    IMO donations are a personal thing. If you want to donate and not give favors, you should feel free to do so. However, when couples pass around cards about it, it’s unecessary and I feel like they’re bragging.

    Post # 4
    47381 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I am not a fan of most wedding favors. Often a great deal of money is spent on things nobody wants or uses.

    On the other hand, something bothers me about couples making a donation “in lieu of a favor”. If you don’t want to do a favor, don’t do one. If you want to donate to a charity, donate to a charity.

    But why do you have to tell your guests you have donated? Whhen I donate to a charity, I don’t post notices making sure everyone around is aware that I have done so. To me it always comes across as the couple wanting appreciation for something that should be done privately and from the heart without the need for public recognition.

    Post # 5
    3728 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I have no problem with a charity donation in my name if I support the charity, but I get annoyed when someone makes a donation in my name to a charity I don’t support. I feel that a lot of times it looks presumptious, not kind. I’d rather no favor than a charity favor.

    Post # 6
    6354 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Similar to the others…. no favor necessary but if you donating to a charity of your choice “in lieu of a favor” … it doesn’t sit well with me. Seems…. smarmy I guess.

    If you want to donate to a charity of my choice though, different story! Give me a card to fill in the blank with the name of the org and you can send me the confirmation later. Awesome! Also my charities aren’t the common ones so giving me 3 popular choices wouldn’t be the sane. I take issue with many of the popular charities… serious issue.

    Post # 7
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Honestly, it would depend on the charity.  There are definitely charities that I don’t support and wouldn’t appreciate the bride and groom making a donation on my behalf.  I also have no problem with couples skipping favors and donating to charity instead, but I think it’s a bit AWish to tell everyone that’s what they did.

    Post # 8
    1548 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would much rather a donation over a knick-knack. Most of the favors I receive at weddings are pretty crappy and just get left beind, they are a waste of money. You are spending sooooo much money on the wedding, its nice to do something to give back to those in need. 

    ETA: You should choose a charity or orginzation that is important to you and your Fiance and also not controversial. 

    Post # 10
    111 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I agree that it’s best just not to do any favors.  Plus what if it’s a cause one or more of your guests doesn’t believe in, not that you would pick something controversial.  If you’re donating something in someone’s honor (this case your guest), it probably should be something your guest is actually passionate about.  And it would be impossible to donate to a charity that is significant to every single one of your guests.

    Post # 11
    5950 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Since I consider being invited, fed, generally entertained and presented with the opportunity to eat cake, a favor.  I honestly find the entire exercise one of futility, frustration and unnecessary expense.  I don’t want a bottle opener, or a shot glass with YOUR names on it, or a sapling that will die a horrible and searing death in the back of the car where I forgot it, then cause me crippling guilt when I find it in a little pile of brown needles next spring….I just wanna watch you guys get married, maybe cry, totally kiss and then get drunk and dance BADLY with you until the wee hours of the morning!

    Post # 13
    3625 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We did a charity favor, although we had several other take-home items, such as photobooth photos, that could be considered as favors. Contrary to popular practice, we did not do charity notices at each place setting; rather we had a simple sign by the guestbook that let guests know what’s up.

    My wedding has been the first we’ve attended that had charity favors and we didn’t receive any negative comments from anyone. As a guest, I personally wouldn’t mind charity favors as we usually don’t take home our favors, if we can help it. However, I think if it was an organization I despised, I may feel offended, but not so much that this was given in lieu of favors but more that the couple supports this cause. By causes I despise, it would have to be something really generally offensive, like a hate group.

    In addition, I probably wouldn’t really care for a couple that practically announced it from the rooftops that they donated. I think it’s okay to let guests know especially if it is a lesser known organization that could use the support (e.g. local animal rescue groups with very little publicity) but a small, tasteful sign or card is enough; I don’t think you need to include it everywhere they look in big letters.

    Post # 14
    8036 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Heartly:  I haven’t been to many weddings and I am not sure I’ve received favors at any of them so I would not be expecting one. I suppose now that I know favors are customary, if I saw that card with the donation info I would probably go ‘meh’ and not give it a second thought.

    I think you’ll get responses ranging from ‘great idea!’ to ‘depends on the charity’ to ‘meh’ to ‘you guys are showing off’ etc.

    Some people might think you’re being cheap by giving to charity instead. Obviously your heart is in the right place, but I think this is a touchy subject for many. If it was a charity I didn’t believe in I would probably wonder what the point of you advertising it was and say ‘well good for them’ in a condescending tone. 

    Post # 15
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It would depend on the charity.

    Post # 16
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    For me it depends, both on the charity and the couple.  A bride who lost a relative to cancer or a groom who battled cancer giving a donation to a cancer charity is great.  There’s a connection to them personally and it’s a great cause.  Or an animal loving couple giving to the ASPCA works for me too.  What doesn’t work for me is when a couple makes a weird random donation to a charity that makes no sense to them as a couple, then it just seems like a pointless show.  A donation is fine if the charity connects to who you are as people.

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