(Closed) Would appreciate some support

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m so sorry you’re both going through this right now, I can’t even imagine how you feel.  Have you thought about keeping the original wedding date but having a smaller family only ceremony now?  That is something though that you and your fiance ultimately need to decide but if he wants his dad to see him be married you could do a small wedding now and a bigger vow renewal later.  

Post # 4
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i am sooo sorry that you are going through this, i have no idea how painful this is for you and your Fiance. you are being so strong for your Fiance and i think that’s all you can do, is to be there for him… but at the same time – dont forget to let yourself feel all that you do as well. 

Darling Husband found out his only aunt (not the same as your situation) only had a few weeks left a couple of months after we got engaged. it was the toughest thing we’ve had to go through together. but, i tried to be there for him when he needed it. and also let him grieve on his own as well. 

enjoy this time you have and make it all that is good in the world for your fil. he will always look upon you two and be with you in spirit through all of your times to come.

((HUGGS))

Post # 7
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m so sorry you guys are going through this. My mom died of pancreatic cancer in 2005, during my third year of veterinary school. While I definitely cannot understand your exact situation, I can hopefully provide some insight.

Have either you or your fiance approached your Future Father-In-Law, to ask what he prefers? There’s a chance that he doesn’t want you to push the wedding date up. When I asked my mom about taking a leave of absence from vet school to spend time with her, she absolutely, positively, 100% told me to finish school. While I wish I could have had more time, I’m glad that I honored her wishes.

Also, I think it’s really impressive that you are supporting your fiance and consoling him, rather than letting your own grief show. And I hope his father’s doctors are wrong.

Post # 9
Member
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mannellal: if a commitment ceremony will have meaning for the two of you, then it doesn’t matter if you’re already engaged. Perhaps part of the commitment ceremony could be your Fiance commiting to live by his father’s example when he becomes a husband (and a father if you’re planning on having kids) himself?

Post # 10
Member
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Im so sorry to hear this…:( Sending good thoughts out to you and your family.

Post # 11
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mannellal: I knew that it was really important to my mom that I maintain some semblance of a normal life. It sounds weird, but sacrificing my regular life to spend as much time with her as possible would have been a selfish decision. She was at peace with the hand she had been dealt, and she wanted me to carry on with my life as much as possible. Not a day goes by when I don’t miss her, but I have no regrets regarding how I handled her final months – I honored her wishes.

Post # 12
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so sorry to hear this. We had to make a similar decision as well. My dad has cancer and is going through treatment. At the end of August things got bad very quickly and the doctors said he might not make it through the week. We had a very tough decision and a very short time to make it in, but ultimately Fiance and I decided that we did not want to have our wedding under those circumstances. I know that my dad would have been very upset if everyone was sad and crying at our wedding. My dad is going through a very rigorous chemo cycle and is making tons of progress. I have every hope that he will walk me down the aisle in May.

As far as supporting your Fiance, please tell him what you are feeling and allow him to be honest and open with you as well. That weekend my FH and I were pretty much miserable together, but having his support was immeasurable.

Talk to him and his mom about what they think is best. Perhaps you could have your pastor perform a blessing of some kind? Or maybe have a small engagement/pre-wedding party with just your family?

Sending some good thoughts your way. Best of luck to you all.

Post # 15
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t have any great words of advice, other than an e-HUG!  But, for what it is worth, I think that, no matter what you choose, since you are thinking about it so carefully, and weighing everyone’s needs (rather than just your own), you will make the right decision.  I wish you and your Future Father-In-Law peace over the next few months!

Post # 16
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

So sorry for everything you are going through..must be tough.

Would it be something that you can do a quite and small ceremony at the hospital or home where your Future Father-In-Law will be? I can’t remember if I read it here or saw on TV or a magazine where on of the parents was terminal and the hospital let them have a small ceremony outside-you don’t officially have to get married on that date.  Can you do something like that so your Future Father-In-Law would feel involved? And still keep your regular scheduled wedding for everyone else?

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