(Closed) Would appreciate your feedback! Thanks for your time! I want to be happy :)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Things don’t magically fix themselves.  Please don’t go get married expecting it to all get fixed.  All these issues seem like they are very big to the both of you so you should either fix them or break up.  You need to stop caring that he simply looked and said hello to an attractive girl, he needs to stop looking and talking to them, or break up.  Either he needs to get over you don’t cook, you should cook, or break up.

Techinically you have several more options like but those three are going to be the best for a healthy relationship.  If you both decide to get over whatever the issues are than you actually need to get over them instead of being upset about them but never saying you are.

 

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@greymonkey42:  +1

If it’s not good before the wedding, it’s not going to be good after.  Move on and spend some time working on yourself.  It will help you find the right person.

Post # 5
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so confused.  He wanted to get married in August, then October, and now won’t set a date after doing so twice before?

From what I do understand, it sounds like you are sweating the small stuff too much.  You can learn how to cook better with time.  Him merely looking at another girl shouldn’t bother you for a month.  Crying over a joke about J. Crew gift card is not a normal response.

Continue with the counseling and have a real conversation with him– tackle the big issues (his family, your feelings about the ring) and be honest.  Try to not let small things push you over the edge– the little things you should brush off are blowing up into huge ordeals because it seems like you are supressing so many other things.

Post # 6
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You don’t care for your ring becuase he didn’t spend enough time/money picking it out, and you never wear it, you didn’t meet his parents until November, you caught him checking out another girl, AND he doesn’t want to set a new wedding date?

And you still want to marry this man…why again?!

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@sda519:  If you want to be happy, it’s a choice you have to make for yourself.  If your SO does not want to get married, trust me – convincing him to marry you will NOT make you happy.  I think you should take a break from the relationship for a set amount of time (maybe 2 weeks, maybe a month – whatever time you think you both could use) and then come back together and reassess what you want from the relationship.  

Also, FWIW, a 13 month relationship hits rough patches.  I didn’t start getting into serious issues with Darling Husband until about month 18-24… and it was hard (we were dating not engaged).  You are still learning how to communicate with each other, how to listen to each other, and how to respond to each other.  It’s a LOT of work.  

I’d encourage you to take marriage off the table (it’s added pressure you don’t need) and see how your relationship either develops and gets stronger or pulls apart.  Relationships take commitment from BOTH parties.  I know you love him and want it to work – but what’s the point of putting all this work into a relationship if he isn’t willing or able to do the same.

HUGS and best of luck as you work through this.

Post # 8
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It sounds like you two moves a little too fast in the beginning and got engaged without knowing each other very well. I think it’s smart that you postponed the wedding, and I think it should continued to be postponed until you can solve your differences.

+1 to the PP that said things don’t magically fix themselves just because you get married. In fact, marriage can make a volatile relationship even worse. I suggest you both continue going to counseling and learn to communication with each other without screaming. And remember, when you’re married, things like a J Crew gift card will the the least of your worried. If you can’t even deal with something like that, how will you deal with the major issues that come up with marriage, like financial or family issues? I’m not saying you should be a pushover, but pick your battles.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. This is a tough situation. But remember, you’re not married yet, and you need to be absolutely sure you want to spend the rest of your life with this person before you get married, and to do that you need to get to know him inside and out. If he isn’t who you thought he would be, you need to move on.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sounds like you both got caught up in the great story of your romance and now hit a few bumps and real life set in.  I’d stick with the counseling and keep marriage off the table.  Plus I’d move out back to where I lived before I moved in with him.  There isn’t anyway I’d have a three hour round trip commute so I could live with some guy that pinned all the problems we have on ME.

Post # 12
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

If he has stopped going to counseling then that shows you that he has no desires to improve the relationship. You both moved to quickly and now realized that you didnt really know each other long enough to make the committment to get married.

I think you should find your own place and date each other and through dating this will establish the relationship and if it should move to the next level in the future. He sounds like he is becoming resentful because now you two are living together and he didnt realize how much work goes into a solid relationship.

Dating gives you both a chance to start over and get to that stage of marrigae gradually if all goes well.

Post # 13
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You can’t wear the ring in front of his parents? Are you serious? Doesn’t that tell you something? I really believe that, when someone has good intentions with another person and wants a serious relationship, there’s no fear to show these intentions to anyone.

Post # 14
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry, but not announcing his engagement to his parents (whatever excuse he has) is just crap. No man would hide his engagement (specially from his parents) if he were serious about it, regardless of the parents reaction. And, Why would he rush it all to get married and then, all of sudden, once you guys are living together, he doesn’t seem very much into it? Do you think he is economically better living with you? Do you think he might have give you the ring just to make you move in with him? I’m not making these questions to assure this is your situation because I don’t know. I’m just doing these questions because you can’t dismiss them at least as a possibility, Right?

Post # 15
Member
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You made major decisions while still in the honeymoon phase when everything is rainbows and unicorms. But now that you are out of that phase and are seeing the “real” person for the first time, you are realizing you aren’t compatible. 

It doesn’t bode well that 1) he stoped going to counseling 2) he says everything is your fault 3) he is still so attached to his family. You don’t love him, you love the idea of him. Cut your losses and move on…

The topic ‘Would appreciate your feedback! Thanks for your time! I want to be happy :)’ is closed to new replies.

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