(Closed) Would be great if he hurried up and proposed :)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andibean:  Would it be possible to get legally married before departing and have the traditional ceremony etc at a later time? That would take a lot of the stress off you and off him!

Post # 5
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andibean:  I mean, you were be married civilly, not religiously, so he didn’t have to consider the two of you married until your ceremony, but this way it’d be easier with your immigration.

Post # 6
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How long ago was that finances discussion, with talk about the diamonds?

Post # 8
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andibean:  Ok, then honestly I would give him a month or so to see what he does. Clearly he’s thought about it! And he totally acknowledges that it might make some things easier with the move to England. I think in a month from now, bring it up conversationally, just saying, hey, I’m starting to make plans for my program in England, and I know lots of things are still up in the air, but I’d like to discuss the possibility of getting married before you leave. He might say, um, maybe??? Probably to lead you off his scent, he probably has some sort of proposal in the works. Or he might say, you know, I’d really like to get school figured out first (which is reasonable, it’s going to be a stressful time as it is!). Based on what he says there, either you’ll have to back off and give him the time to figure his stuff out, or just mention that, if getting married might be the logical thing to do before you leave, and you want to go the traditional route, that stuff takes more time than you think.. sometimes guys need the whole wedding process explaiend to them. That stuff doesn’t just come together because fairies do it! Or if he seems like he wants to get married before but doesn’t realize how much effort it would be, then discuss the possible civil ceremony to ease the visa situation, but that traditionally you could wait for that… just some thoughts! Only you know your SO best, but I think considering the situation, you would not be pressuring him by having a discussion about WHEN you envision yourselves getting married– before or after. That still leaves a propopsal and all those details up in the area, you aren’t forcing his hand. It’s your life too and you deserve to know somewhat what’s going on …. especially when you are moving so far.

Post # 10
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@andibean:  Don’t worry. You can read back through some of my first posts on the bee– if you click on my name– I was sort of in a bind similar/not quite similar bind as you, and I didn’t want to pressure, but at the same time, it’s my life, too, I should have a say in this! You’re welcome to PM me anytime ! 🙂 I’m still waiting on a proposal, but it should be cominig by October, but only because I basically had to say to him, listen, your plan “a.k.a. not for a while a.k.a. maybe i’ll ask you to marry me sometime in 2013” is not ok if I’m moving 500 miles to be with you. Did I feel like I was “pressuring” him? Yes. Do I sometimes think, man, did I do the wrong thing? Sometimes. But we’ve talked and he’s reassured me, this was definitely something he wanted, he just didn’t realize 1) how important it was to me and 2) that I was ok with a long engagement and 3) I wasn’t expecting an expensive ring either. So by having that conversation, I don’t think it’s pressure. It’s only pressure if you say, if you don’t ask by X then we’re breaking up!

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