(Closed) Would culture or religion ever be a deal breaker for you?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My only cultural dealbreakers would be if the man had a culturally-engrained disrespect for hard work or education or women.

Otherwise, I think it would be a shame for me to limit myself by culture or ideology – I have friends who will not date outside the Polish community and I have other friends who won’t date outside their political party. Why cut off half the population because of a label. I am glad I didn’t do that with Fiance because he is much more conservative than I am economically and we’ve learned a lot from each other!

Now religion is a whole different kettle of fish, I think a couple from two different religions can really grow together in ways they wouldn’t if they were from the same faith tradition. But as pps have stated, when kids come into the picture is where the huge problems start. Maybe it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for me if I didn’t want to have kids? As it is I do want babies so it was important that Fiance share my beliefs.

Post # 48
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it would depend on how the religion and/or cultural plays into daily life.  I’m not Jewish and am marrying a Jewish person.  If he were a very observant orthodox jew, that probably wouldn’t work for me. 

Post # 49
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that things are much easier in that area if you have the same beliefs.  Not saying that it couldn’t work if it was different, but it takes a lot more work, communication, patience and then coming to the conclusion you can both deal with it.  Not every couple can get through that. Some do and that’s great.  I think it really depends on the couple.  As for me, one of the things I looked for was my same beliefs – it was very important to me.

Post # 50
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@crayfish: Exactly what you said! There is no way I could be with someone who is religious, I could not feel like we were ever truely on the same level. When my Fiance and I started dating that was one of the things that brought us closer together because everyone around us was so religious and we just don’t beleive. 

Post # 51
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would (and have) avoided too many differences in culture and/or religion.  Core values (and the source of those values) are at the very heart of who I am and how I approach life and relationships.  

It isn’t that I disapprove or disagree with other cultures or religions (or lack thereof.)  But from experience, I prefer to have common-ground in the aspects that I hold dearest and that define my communication, sprituality, and community.  Relationships are difficult enough when all things are compatible and uncomplicated.

 

Post # 52
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I could never be with someone who was an atheist, like oil and water we would just never truly really blend. It’s really important to me that when we take our vows we make a covenant between ourselves and something much bigger. I tell Fiance all the time, I love you, but I know that’s not enough to have a faithful successful marriage, and I honestly wouldn’t trust him to hold the sacrament of marriage with the same sacredness and sanctity as me if he didn’t hold the same core beliefs.

Cultural differences, now that we could work something out, based ofcourse on the above.

 

Post # 53
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Interesting question – my SO is from an Arabic nation, while I’m Irish, but he’s been here a long time. His family is fairly secular, and mine is full of rampant atheists, so while we are from different backgrounds in terms of both religion and culture, the differences aren’t actually terribly big. We’ve talked about how we’ll raise our kids and neither of us wants to raise them in the religion of our families; we’d prefer that they have broad teaching on different faiths, and make their own decision if they wish to. However,it was a consideration for me in the early days, so while in this case neither is a dealbreaker, had the differences in either case been much more pronounced it could have been. It does make the wedding planning a bit complex; church weddings are still the norm in Ireland, so civil ceremonies are a bit difficult to plan, and I’m a singer so the music is really important to me. But I guess if that’s the biggest issue we’re doing OK! 🙂

Post # 54
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Culture, I would say no, although I’ll be honest, I’m just more attracted to guys from the same culture. However, give me a nice British accent any day (is that a different culture? Haha I don’t know).

Religion, yes. Even if it was just the example OP mentioned about Catholic vs Methodist. I have a friend who married a Catholic and she is still struggling 50 years into their marriage because of such key differences.

Either way I’m an active member in my church, and if there are key differences in our beliefs or how we should raise our kids, then it’s not going to work.

Post # 55
Member
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Potentially.  I think what is more important than religion or culture is a person’s values and morals.  If those align with mine, I wouldn’t care if they were a different culture or religion.

Post # 56
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Religion and culture specifically, not a dealbreaker necessarily. To me, it’s all about whether there’s mutual respect of each other’s viewpoints and/or beliefs (I’m agnostic, so I don’t feel that I “believe”, I just have my personal viewpoint).

With one ex, the respect thing was the dealbreaker. He was actually Muslim and from a fairly progressive Muslim country… but he seemed to feel that he knew everything about the U.S. and U.S. culture, and was completely uninterested in finding out about where I fit into what he knew about that culture. So it was much more perspectives on culture than anything else that caused me to end it.

Post # 57
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

Yep. I have never dated a religious person because I’m not religious. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it would be for an atheist and a hard core Born Again. I’ve heard of such. Not in the cards for me thankyouverymuch!

Post # 58
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It definitly should be an issue for any one marrying for the right reasons.

Marrying someone is taking them as your life partner. If you are from vastly different cultures or religions, you are traveling down vastly different life paths. This is only true if you are very traditional or truly believe in your religion.

I am not religious. I respect the beliefs of others and find culture to be fascinating. I am constantly studying languages, religions, and cultures. Currently stuck on Russian language (have been studying for 3 years). Anyways, I could not marry someone who was not equally as open minded about exploring other cultures and I could not marry a religious person, we would not see eye to eye on so many things that are important to me.

My fiance is non-religious and my perfect match. I find it hard to believe someone who is truly religious or has deep cultural ties could ever find true love and understanding with someone with a different life outlook than them. Religion and culture are the fiber of our beings.

Post # 59
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

This is a hard question for me to answer. Fi happens to have been raised in the same culture and religion as me (although I am Greek-American and he is all Greek and sometimes there are some “huh?” moments we have with one another!)

I think it would depend on what the cultural or religious difference was…there are just so many possibilities that some differences would be fine and others wouldnt…

Post # 60
Member
1551 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I could not marry someone with a different faith.  I’d have no problem with someone of a different Christian denomination (I’m Catholic), but that is as far as I’d go.

As far as culture, I’d always thought it would be interesting to be involved with someone from a different culture, who might have different perspectives on things.  As long as we were otherwise compatible and of similar faith, I’d be fine with that.

However, my husband and I have got to be the most culturally similar people I know. We are both Catholic and grew up in the same area, with parents who could not have raised us more similarly than had we been raised in the same home.  Now as adults, those similarities seem to bond us even closer.  We have the same expectations for our children and just “get” where the other one is coming from.  I had thought being too similar would be boring…but it turns out it is very comforting. 

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