Post # 1
I’m in a wedding one month after my own and my friends Maid/Matron of Honor is outf town and not the type to plan parties, so I offered as I generally love to do that kind of thing.
She’s interested in her shower being at a paint your own pottery place, which I think is going to be a lot of fun! It would be followed by dinner and drinks out on the town – essentially switching from shower to bachelorette party.
My question is in regards to the pottery part – the place charges $35 per guest and we’ll probably have 15 people. Is it rude of me to expect the guests to pay for themselves (and I’d put it on the invites) or is the shower hostess expected to pay for it? I don’t mind paying for my friend, but if 20 people came that’s $700 – and that doesn’t include food. Any thoughts? And if I can tell guests they are responsible for this, how would I word it in an invite?
Post # 3
I think that’s way too much to put on one person. Definitely pay for the bride though. Maybe if you just put is somewhat straight forward that this is where we’re going to be and this is what it costs. Maybe if there’s someone you know won’t be able to pay that much you could talk to them privately.
Post # 4
I think the above comment is good I don’t think any one person should have to pay for all of that.
We just had a shower for my cousin and we did an email to everyone explaining that we were going to take care of the first round of drinks and apps/desert but any other food or beverages they would need to plan on coming dutch. Anyway, it went really well and it wasn’t a burden on anyone.
Post # 5
we did a shower like that for my sil and my mom paid for everyone… but if bridemaids were paying (or really anyone) i wouldn’t expect them to pay. that’s a lot of money! i think my mom just felt bad because her parents didn’t have a lot of money so she wanted to throw her a nice shower.
Post # 6
I would see if there’s any way you could negotiate a group rate… if not, maybe offer to pay 5% of each person’s pottery as a way of getting people to come? I think that would be a good gesture
Post # 7
Personally I don’t think it is polite to ask shower guests (who are natually bringing a gift) to pay for anything at a shower ~ food, drinks, activities should all be the responsibilitiy of the hostess. So I would explain to the bride that as the hostess, I can’t afford pottery painting and that I’m not comfortable asking guests to pay their own money to “honor” the bride – beyond their gift. I would instead offer to host the type of shower I could afford, even if that’s tea sandwiches and lemonade on my back deck.
Post # 8
yah, I’d be annoyed if I were asked to pay to attend a shower (esp $35) and then bring a gift. I’d do something else.
Post # 9
I have to say that as a guest I would agree with the last 2 comments. Everyone brings gifts for everything (eng, shower, wedding) and to be expected to pay for a supplemental activity at the shower would be frustrating. I also don’t think it should be just your responsibility. Is there anyone else that would be willing to share the cost with you? Mother, friends, other bridesmaids? That would atleast soften the blow a little. If not then my suggestion is to have the shower elsewhere and do the pottery painting as a seperate activity. Maybe a bridal party event?
Post # 10
Yea, I am kind of eh on this. Something like this seems maybe a little better suited for a low key bachelorette party. But, I agree with @LaborofLove . . . see if you can get a group rate and maybe coverage a percentage of the cost.
I just know that if I wasn’t into painting pottery, came with a gift and paid an extra $35, I’d be a little nonplussed by it. It might especially throw off some of the older guests who are a little less open minded about stuff like that.
Post # 11
Why would it cost $35? Most pottery places I’ve been to have all sorts of items for painting at all sorts of prices. One common inexpensive one is a clay tile about 4 inches by 4 inches, which you can use for a drink coaster (or sometimes there are frames to put a bunch of them together into a larger trivet, which you could do if you wanted it to be “let’s make a keepsake for the bride.” That’d probably run you about $5-6 per person.
You could announce that you’ll pay for a tile per person. Then if they want to do something else, that can be on them. I think that’d be a nice compromise.
Post # 12
This may not be a popular answer, but personally, I would be quite put off if I were invited to a shower that I’d not only have to bring a gift for, but pay $35 for pottery I didn’t even want. I mean, I get that this is what the bride wants. But seriously, that’s just way too much.
Does she understand the costs involved?
Post # 13
I am not sure why they charge $35 pp. What if you went and just bought 1 piece per person (should be about $10 per person) and you bought it for them?
I think it sounds like a bit much for you to pay for, and a bit much to ask for guests to pay for. I would be upset if I were in either persons shoes. Like you said, it would almost be $700 out of your pocket, and as a guest its $35 plus the cost of a gift! Too much money!