Would I be the asshole if I stopped doing my neighbour's shopping?

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

I would never help them, or have anything to do with them again. I am so sorry that happened.

I would send something like the following or simply ghost them…

Hi NAME, I was absolutely disgusted by the rude voicemail you left me today. I have gone out of my way to assist you for months, and at the very least deserved to be treated with respect. I no longer feel comfortable assisting you with your shopping. Please do not contact me again.   

Post # 3
Member
40 posts
Newbee

I think it’s incredible kind that you have been helping them all this time! I don’t think you would be an asshole at all for stopping now that things have improved where you are. Maybe just give them a week or two notice so that they can make other arrangements?

Post # 5
Member
1538 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@peach11:  No. This wasn’t a bad day. This was them inadvertently showing you who they really are; they’d tried to hide it so they could continue to use you. You should stop immediately and tell him he can choke on his “toilet soap” for all you care, you are not his personal servant and his treatment of you was disgusting. ✌🏻

Post # 6
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

It sounds like this couple was starting to take advantage of you. I would end this arrangement immediately. I don’t take kindly to be yelled at for something I am doing on my own time for free (and no, I don’t care if you were having a bad day, that’s not an excuse). In this day and age there is curbside pickup and grocery delivery–they can start using these resources. 

Post # 7
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

View original reply
@peach11:  those who were told to shield, have been told they can leave the house now and go for non-essential shopping. All supermarkets have increased their online delivery capabilities. FFS, people shielding can even go to Spain now.

They’re capable of getting their own shopping. Even if they aren’t, it isn’t the responsibility of the community to help these people. They can contact the local council or AgeUK or any other charity that has mechanisms in place to help them. This can’t continue indefinitely. For their own health, they also need to start going out (safely) before they become too anxious to. 

Post # 8
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - California

Wow! It sounds like you know what to do here. You absolutely should stop helping them. Even if they were pleasant and you had never received that voicemail, at this point it sounds like it would be perfectly fair for you to pull back and stop this now. You did a generous and kind thing during a crazy time and it’s totally fine to stop now. You are most definitely NOT the asshole!

Post # 9
Member
2978 posts
Sugar bee

Oh hell no! Aside from being unbelievably rude, they are clearly using you. I would never shop for them again! Some options to end it:

1. Send the email you stated in your second post and cc their relative. I am “too nice” as well, but this would piss me off so badly I’d get over my niceness!

2. email them that your circumstances have changed and you’re no longer able to do their shopping. There is NO need to give additional details. If they question you, suggest they contact the places a PP noted.

3. Tell them you’ve been exposed 😛

I would NOT give them any notice. They are using you and the man is an asshole. As you stated, there is zero reason they can’t shop for themselves. I have two risk factors that mean I might not survive Covid. I live in a state that’s a “red zone”. You know what I do? I wear a mask and shop about 45 minutes before the grocery closes when there are only a few others shopping. I wash my hands before leaving the store, then again when I get home.

THIS MAKES ME SO MAD!!!! END IT NOW!!!!

Post # 10
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2021

Wow. Just wow. Yes to emailing them what they did and make it clear that is why you will not be helping them anymore because clearly they are toxic and taking advantage of you. They should be kissing the ground you walk on for what you’ve been doing for them for 5 *expletive* months!

And also send a copy to the family member who inquired about them needing help in the first place, because they should know the real reason their “help” quit on them. I’m sure they will twist the story to make themselves look like the victim. Good *expletive* riddance! Moochers be gone!

Post # 11
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I personally would just drop them a note telling them now lockdown is over other committments mean you won’t be able to do their shopping any more. 

I don’t think there is much to be gained for you personally from telling an elderly couple you think they are toxic, even if they might be. I certainly wouldn’t advise that as the best course of action. You seem very nice, rise above and all that….. 

Post # 12
Member
449 posts
Helper bee

Well…NTA Lol. Sounds like they’re TA…

Tbh…it sounds like they’ve gotten used to your generosity…maybe to their detriment, and they’re taking you for granted. And quite frankly the voicemail only tells you now how entitled they feel to your help. They’re not!

I would just let them know, on your next run, that life is going back to normal for you and regular life demands are coming back into existence, so you will no longer be able to do their grocery runs. But that it’s okay since things seem to be getting better and they should be okay if they use masks. You will do 2 more runs (or end it right there if you’re sufficiently annoyed, which I would be) for them to give them time to prepare, and then wish them the best.

 

Post # 13
Member
777 posts
Busy bee

Don’t mention the voice mail. Call them and explain you’re going back into work and won’t be able to carry on their shopping.

Give them a week’s notice or something so they can get an Asda delivery sorted. 

You can’t carry on doing it indefinitely

Post # 15
Member
2978 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@peach11:  Your email was perfectly reasonable – no idea why he responded like such an ass, but it doesn’t matter. They are using you and just so unbelievably nasty!  There is zero reason you should still be shopping for them. However you end it, do not fall for any guilting on their part. I’m sure they will try. And that is why you don’t go into any detail when ending it. Your circumstances have changed, and you’ll no longer be able to shop for them starting today. If you give any more information, (execpt that he is an ungrateful asshole), they will come up with 30 reasons why you still should shop for them.

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