(Closed) Would I be wrong to call off the wedding??

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@mrskisstobe: It sounds like there are a LOT of other issues that are going on (i.e. his impulse spending, his lack of financial support on the wedding, his expanded guest list, borrowing money, etc) and the car just brought them to a head.

The two of you need to address the root causes of the problem or you’ll continue to have these “blow out” arguments.

Post # 19
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t know if you should call off the wedding, but I think its ridiculous to spend 6k on a 20 year old car (that’s not a nice vintage car), especially since he doesn’t even have the $ to pay for it! Sorry, but a 20 year old Chevy is not going to appreciate in value. The stereo equipment is going to be old soon, and need “upgrading”. Since you said he is an impulse buyer, I think you need to decide whether or not you can deal with your partner making financial decisions like this for the rest of your life. Sorry if that seems harsh, but if I were you, I would be pissed. Is he really young?

Post # 21
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

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@gabrielleelise1981:  I completely agree.

May I ask, how old is your Fi?  He sounds a bit immature?

Post # 23
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@mrskisstobe: You may think you have let go of the guest list issue, but the way you brought it up here, it really sounds like it’s still bugging you.

Post # 25
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mrskisstobe: I would actually think long and hard about a future with this guy.  My mom married my dad, who sounds exactly like your husband.

My mom didn’t know in the beginning he was an impulse buyer.  She is miserable to this day, and they have been married 27 years!  She threatened to divorce him over it too many times to count.  They would get into horrible fights as a kid.  He would come home in the beginning while they were engaged announcing that he was going to buy a tractor.  Well, she’d throw a fit and he’d bypass that purchase for another tractor.  Soon after they were married, he started to just buy things without even telling her.  He would buy cars, tractors, lawn mowers and once he even bought a dump truck.  Yes, a large construction-grade dump truck.  I remember driving to get it with my dad when I was 16.  He had me drive the car home while he drove the dump truck.  All the while I was asking, “Does mom know about this?” and he would change the subject.  Needless to say, when we got home my mom pitched the biggest fit ever and almost kicked him out!  He turned around and sold it in 4 months.  We lived in the suburbs… we didn’t NEED tractors, dump trucks or god knows what.

Anyways, now that they are older he is into buying stuff online.  His most recent fiasco was over colon-cleansing products.  He paid a company for a bottle of colon-cleansing pills (ridiculous) and they charged him repeatedly over the course of 8 days for a total bill of $700.00 because they weren’t legit – and he never cared to research that fact first.

Really think about this. I like my dad as a person, but for what he has put my mom through over the years… I don’t know if I respect him anymore.  Don’t make that happen with your kids.

Post # 26
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

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@mrskisstobe:  Okay, my fiance and I have discussed finances and guestlists, and combining accounts SO MUCH.  We’ve had to make our guestlist, and then edit, edit, EDIT it a lot!  We’ve gone through and made tough cuts, but we have to fit in our budget.  I’d split the friend guestlist down the middle if you two have trouble compromising.  He should probably see a financial adviser before you two combine finances and it would be prudent of you to accompany him.  You two should try not to argue, just calmly discuss these things.

Post # 27
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m still stuck on the stereo competition part.  They actually have those?

With respect to the finances, I think calling off the wedding is a bit harsh.  However, the two of you definitely have to sit down and have a serious talk about how you will handle finances once you’re married.  If you guys don’t get on the same page soon, you might have some serious problems ahead of you.

Post # 28
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@misskisstobe, my husband did the almost the same thing to me.  6 weeks before the wedding, he put his car on Craig’s list “to see if it would sell”.  Well, it did sell and he ended up without a car for 3 weeks.  He then went and bought another car.  He told me about it and I tried talking to him to see if he could just wait until after the wedding, but he wouldn’t budge.  He is a car freak and has a new car every year or so.  At age 31, he’s on his 24th car.  I just have to accept that this is who he is and I knew that going into the relationship.  Because he does this, we have a rule.  If he wants another car, he has to sell his car and buy the next car for no more than what he sold his previous car for, that way he isn’t using our money to finance his car obsession. 

I don’t think you should call off the wedding, honestly, that’s a bit harsh.  Obviously, you love him, but he didn’t respect your opinion and that is the biggest problem.  He needs to at least take the time to listen to you and consider what is best for both of you, not just himself.  If he is an impulse buyer, you need to really consider that and talk to him about it.  You don’t want to come home one day to find a bunch of stuff laying around your house that he just decided to buy.  Try to talk to him, but don’t be angry when you are because he will feel attacked and it will just get worse.  Calmly let him know your concerns and ask for a compromise on the things that are most important to you. 

Post # 29
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think the bigger issue here is that he is an impulse buyer. I would sit down and talk with him and seriously discuss how to deal with this. Money is one of the number on things people fight and end up divorcing over, so it’s good to deal with this issue now. Maybe it’s an issue you two can compromise on and maybe it’s a dealbreaker. Only you two know. I would take serious issue with the fact that you’re paying for most of the wedding, yet he thinks it a good idea to want to get a 20 year old car that he can’t afford.

Post # 30
Member
7774 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Im sorry, but I dont care how souped up the car is. I just looked up the kbb value and in PERFECT condition, it’s only worth $1300. No way in hell I would pay $6k for it. Thats just stupidity. People mod those cars like that knowing that they wont get the value back out of it. His buddy is fleecing him. I told my Maid/Matron of Honor, who owns a auto shop with her dad, about this and she laughed and said she has a bridge to sell him too.

I do think that you are over-reacting, but I kind of see where youre coming from. I probably would have been super-pissed to.

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