Post # 1
Just found out Fi’s grandfather has optimistically 6 months to live. We could not have the wedding we want in 6 months. So my questions is this if you were a close friend of the bride and were invited to a church ceremony a month from today maybe dinner after, no shower or pre-parties, no bridal registry, would you be offended if you knew the couple planned on doing a big vow renewal on their anniversary and having the reception then?
All hypothetical at the moment (except the grandfather part) because I literally just heard the diagnosis
Post # 3
Sorry, I mean if you were invited to the vow renewal a year later but were not invited to the wedding b/c it was just a ceremony with parents/siblings/grandparents. Would you be offended or understand yes they are married and this is a renewal but they only had a ceremony and this is there “day”
Post # 4
I can not imagine anyone in their right mind being offended that you chose to get married so that his grandfather could attend.
Post # 5
Hell no I wouldn’t be offended, life is precious!!! Family is a priority (at least in most families, mine is an exception). Do what you need to do for grandpa, everything else can wait. So sorry to hear he is dying =o( My thoughts are with you.
Post # 6
I wouldn’t be. I’ve gone to a back-yard BBQ (fully catered and stocked bar) for a cousin in lieu of not being able to attend their destination wedding. My aunt and uncle also had a vow renewal, since they had to get married quick for immigration purposes.
Especially in your situation, with a dying relative, knowing full well it’s a vow renewal, I would absoutely attend and not be offended.
Post # 7
So sorry about your sad news.
I would absolutely understand and not be offended in the slightest if I knew the circumstances. If I didn’t know why I wasn’t invited to the ceremony or why the couple was having a big, fancy vow renewal just a year after their wedding, I might be somewhat confused and hurt/offended.
Post # 8
How could anyone be offended by that? Do what you need to do for his family and his grandfather and don’t worry about what anyone thinks. Couples make all types of different plans based on what they need to do and no one would be offended by this, that I can imagine. I think it is very respecful of you to plan for a reception at an alternate time so his grandfather can witness your marriage.
Post # 9
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
If any of my friends were offended by that i’d have to re-evaluate my friendship with them!! I’m sorry to hear about your FI’s grandpa.
Post # 10
I don’t think anyone would be offended by that… and if they are, well tell them they can stay home! 🙂
Post # 11
Do what you have to do. Friends will understand (and will be just as excited for you at the renewal/reception).
Sorry to hear about his grandpa.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t – in fact, I think I know at least one couple who have done this.I’d maybe make it clear to everyone that you’ll be having a small wedding for your Grandmother but that you’ll be celebrating your new lives together and thanking them for their support with a kick-arse vow renewal and reception, just so everyone is on the same page.
So sorry you’re having to face this.
Post # 13
Absolutely would NOT be offended!!
But I would also suggest asking Grampa what he wants if you havent already. My grandma was given a similar prognosis, but she really didn’t want anyone to see her except immediate family when she was sick, and she felt VERY strongly that no happy occaisions be overshadowed by her being sick. We actually delayed a family reunion, because she said she would rather have it be after she passed, with us sharing happy memories – than have her be there and everyone being sad or tip toeing around the fact that she was dying.
He might not feel this way AT ALL – but – just saying – the perspective of people when they’re dying can be the opposite of what we might expect, so its a good convo to have with him before any decisions are made.
Post # 14
thanks guys 🙂 I don’t know for sure if Fiance even wants to move up the ceremony but I feel it’s only right I let him know that if he wants to have our wedding ceremony in the next month month and a half so his grandfather can see it I understand.
I feel tacky planning a wedding and sending out STD’s knowing what we now know.
Post # 15
@mandypop: Too true about ppl’s wishing being opposite to what we think. However we threw my grandparents a “surprise” 40th anniversary when I was little. It was huge, bigger than a lot of ppl’s weddings. My great grand mother got sick and died right before the party. We had no choice but to tell them there was no time to cancel there were Out of Town guests. So I wouldn’t want to move up the “wedding” (reception even if it was possible) in hopes that things would work out b/c you never know when someone could take a turn for the worse or if they’d even be ok to go to a reception. IDK nothing is settled, just wanted everyone’s take on it. I don’t want Fiance regretting that his grandfather can’t be there, no one wants a black cloud hanging over their planning (I feel really weird planning the wedding right now)
Post # 16
@EncoreBridetoBe: I know exactly how you feel – thats why we ended up with a year and a half long engagement… I just wasn’t ready to plan until probably 3 or 4 months after she’d passed. They gave her a year, but it turned out to be much less – it was a brain tumor and once she started feeling confused and losing the ability to toilet herself, she was just like “F this, Im out” and stopped eating or drinking. It was hard, but she wanted to die on her terms…so we just had to deal. And thank god for hospice.