(Closed) Would it be offensive…. relative dying

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I can not imagine anyone in their right mind being offended that you chose to get married so that his grandfather could attend.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hell no I wouldn’t be offended, life is precious!!!  Family is a priority (at least in most families, mine is an exception).  Do what you need to do for grandpa, everything else can wait.  So sorry to hear he is dying  =o(  My thoughts are with you.

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t be.  I’ve gone to a back-yard BBQ (fully catered and stocked bar) for a cousin in lieu of not being able to attend their destination wedding.  My aunt and uncle also had a vow renewal, since they had to get married quick for immigration purposes.

Especially in your situation, with a dying relative, knowing full well it’s a vow renewal, I would absoutely attend and not be offended.

Post # 7
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So sorry about your sad news.

I would absolutely understand and not be offended in the slightest if I knew the circumstances. If I didn’t know why I wasn’t invited to the ceremony or why the couple was having a big, fancy vow renewal just a year after their wedding, I might be somewhat confused and hurt/offended.

Post # 8
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

How could anyone be offended by that? Do what you need to do for his family and his grandfather and don’t worry about what anyone thinks. Couples make all types of different plans based on what they need to do and no one would be offended by this, that I can imagine. I think it is very respecful of you to plan for a reception at an alternate time so his grandfather can witness your marriage. 

Post # 9
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

If any of my friends were offended by that i’d have to re-evaluate my friendship with them!!  I’m sorry to hear about your FI’s grandpa.

Post # 10
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think anyone would be offended by that… and if they are, well tell them they can stay home! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Do what you have to do. Friends will understand (and will be just as excited for you at the renewal/reception).

Sorry to hear about his grandpa.

Post # 12
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wouldn’t – in fact, I think I know at least one couple who have done this.I’d maybe make it clear to everyone that you’ll be having a small wedding for your Grandmother but that you’ll be celebrating your new lives together and thanking them for their support with a kick-arse vow renewal and reception, just so everyone is on the same page.

So sorry you’re having to face this.

Post # 13
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Absolutely would NOT be offended!!

 

But I would also suggest asking Grampa what he wants if you havent already.  My grandma was given a similar prognosis, but she really didn’t want anyone to see her except immediate family when she was sick, and she felt VERY strongly that no happy occaisions be overshadowed by her being sick.  We actually delayed a family reunion, because she said she would rather have it be after she passed, with us sharing happy memories – than have her be there and everyone being sad or tip toeing around the fact that she was dying.

He might not feel this way AT ALL – but – just saying – the perspective of people when they’re dying can be the opposite of what we might expect, so its a good convo to have with him before any decisions are made.

Post # 16
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@EncoreBridetoBe:   I know exactly how you feel – thats why we ended up with a year and a half long engagement… I just wasn’t ready to plan until probably 3 or 4 months after she’d passed.  They gave her a year, but it turned out to be much less – it was a brain tumor and once she started feeling confused and losing the ability to toilet herself, she was just like “F this, Im out” and stopped eating or drinking.  It was hard, but she wanted to die on her terms…so we just had to deal. And thank god for hospice.

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