(Closed) Would it be rude?

posted 6 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Although I have heard a lot of opinions on eloping and what you “can” and “can’t” do… let me give you some advice that I had to learn… screw them and do whatever you want 🙂

I eloped because my husband is military and got orders to Japan. We didnt want to be apart that long so at the VERY last minute we decided to get married and eloped. He went to Japan and a few months later when all the paperwork was done and I could finally, I joined him here. Even though I eloped my mom REALLY wanted to throw me a bridal shower. Even though I eloped I was not/am not denying my parents the things they have wanted since I was born. We are also having a wedding when we finally get back stateside and it will be lovely.

I had such a hard time even having the wedding before because I kept asking “will people think this is rude?” “will his family think this is totally inappropriate??”… then everyone kept telling me that those who love you will want you to do whatever makes you happy! So that is what I am doing! Most of our family gave us gifts for the shower so we are not registering for the wedding, but that is just our personal preferance. DO whatever makes you happy and you are comfortable with. And Congrats!

Post # 4
Member
1318 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@s.renea9:  Well, technically, someone is supposed to throw you a bridal shower. Not you or your family… if one of your bridesmaids or friends suggests throwing one for you, it would be more ok, I think. I do think it’s kind of selfish (sorry!) to want one now. Maybe you could do a housewarming party after you get a house instead?

Post # 5
Member
13017 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You should not have a shower after the wedding, even if it’s prior to your reception.  Once you get married, you give up the opportunity to have a bridal shower.  It looks gift-grabby to me.

But I don’t get this… you’re eloping, then a week later having a reception, then a year later having another “ceremony” on the beach?  I don’t get it.  If you’re already having your post-elopment reception, why do you need another beach ceremony?  Is it a vow renewal?  Will there be another party after that?

I personally would not have a shower if you’re eloping, either.  People invited to a shower are the people who are invited to the wedding, and in your case that really wouldn’t be any of the guests.

Post # 6
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

First, you can’t host your own shower.  Second, no, it’s not appropriate to have a shower if you’re eloping.

Post # 7
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m with @abbie017: .  It’s inappropriate and gift grabby to have a shower after your married or if you aren’t inviting those people to the wedding (ie eloping).  Honestly, this seems like a case of wanting to have your cake and eat it too.  You can elope and forego pre-wedding parties and get your house sooner, or you can wait.  I also don’t understand your timeline of events.  Are you eloping, having a reception a week later, then having another ceremony and reception in a year?  Will everyone know you’ve eloped?

Post # 8
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There are quite a few things wrong with this logic. First- being married does NOT make it easier to get a house. You can buy a house together, unmarried, just the same as married. Second eloping, then having a reception then having a ceremony makes no sense at all. The day you sign your marriage license IS your wedding day. Having 2 receptions, 2 ceremonies and also showers is exremely rude and gift  grabby. If you want the big ceremony and party then wait until you can do so, there really is no do over- once you are married you are married.

There are some cases where exceptions can be made- military brides having to marry quickly before deployment, visa issues. But buying a house really isn’t a logical, polite or acceptable reason. 

Post # 9
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You do NOT have to be married to buy a house.  In fact, if you both have unequal credit scores it makes it more complicated as you’re forced to use a less than stellar credit score because you ARE married and have proof that you have comingled your bank accounts.  This is not a reason to get married.

You should not throw yourself a bridal shower.  Just create a registry if you wish and folks have the option of purchasing something from it at the week later reception.  I would forget the beach ceremony the following year.  If you want to celebrate your 1 year anniversary with a beach party, rock it.  But don’t call it another ceremony.

Post # 11
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I would be a little hurt if I was invited to a shower but not invited to the wedding….I’m just being honest, love.

Post # 12
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would do the private ceremony and BBQ or the wedding with all the families. It doesn’t really make sense money wise to do both. Can’t you do the ceremony and then do the BBQ on the same day? As far as the shower goes, if you do it before all of the other events and only people invited to the event are invited to the shower you should be fine.

Post # 13
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

But the question remains- why are you doing a courthouse wedding when you are planning what equates to a do-over later? That is odd, baring a pregnancy, visa or deployment issues. 

Post # 15
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It’s rude to have a shower if you’re eloping.  I would just pass or wait to have one big wedding with all of the pre-wedding parties.

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