(Closed) Would it be rude if my FI finally says something?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Your Future Mother-In-Law is doing her family a HUGE favor. Is this her brother, or in-law? Is your Future Father-In-Law in the picture? Why hasn’t he said anything?

They’ve gone way past the “guest” point. They need to be helping her out- these family members should be cooking and cleaning for your Future Mother-In-Law, at the very least!, to thank her for taking them in. Those adult boys are old enough to be out on their own.

They’ll be ticked off at your Fiance, but someone should stick up for your Future Mother-In-Law. If there’s a Future Father-In-Law, *HE* should do it, if not, Fiance should. Too bad if they get offended, those slackers! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a really sticky situation to be in. Of course your Fiance wants to say something, it’s outrageous how these people are acting. He most certainly should want to make sure his mother isn’t being taken advantage of.

HOWEVER, and I say this from personal experience, if he does say something, she will most likely brush it off, and nothing will change. Until SHE is the one demanding change, nothing will really happen. She has to feel that she is being taken advantage of in order to make a change.

ETA: I really do understand now frustrating it is, as I went through this with my family. I had words with my parents about it, and our relationship is damaged because of it. I don’t want you to go down that path. If she brushes it off, leave it there, don’t push it. It’s not worth the damage you can do.

Post # 6
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont which state they are in but its much harder to find jobs where I am and definitely takes longer than 3 months so maybe they arent finding jobs but are just not going into the details of the rejection that comes with job applications. I think that your Future Mother-In-Law has to be the one to speak up about the situation since they are in her house.

Post # 7
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think that something definetely needs to be said to the “guests” but I would suggest that maybe your Fiance have a chat with his mom about it first. Together they can decide what needs to be said and done; if they are on the same page it will make things easier to deal with when they do say something to the “guests” about the whole living situation.  

I can not imagine moving with my parents into another family members house as an adult. At 23, unless you are in school full time or are disabled there is no reason to not have a job and be supporting yourself. 

Post # 8
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Mrsgurzakovic:  I would probably advise him to say something. I would encourage to be along the lines of “I know my mom and dad really enjoy spending time with you all, but I noticed my mom seems really overwhelmed/exhausted. Is there any way you could help out more around the house?”

 Or I would casually ask if they have had any fish bitting on the line for jobs. It really is rediculous to think that 4 ADULTS would lose their home, move in with family, and not help or look for a job.

Post # 10
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would say something with no hesitation. Like you said, he is man of the house. For them to be there 3 months after losing the house, it sounds like they haven’t been trying for quite some time. Keep us updated!

Post # 11
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Maybe Fiance should sit down with your Future Mother-In-Law first-express his concerns to her. Then, together, they have a sit-down with the other family members. “Uncle Bob, I’m very concerned about what’s going on the house right now…” I’m sure there are projects around the house that should be taken care of.

My brother and SIL took in someone from their church for a few months, right after the man separated. He said he would “help out,” but they never asked specifically “can you do this?,” etc., so all the handyman type of work they thought he would help with, never was.

It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law could be running herself ragged, which shouldn’t be happening. Maybe a family meeting, with a list of responsibilities for everyone, is in order. Your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t running a B&B. I realize I may sound a little harsh, but it seems they’re taking advantage of her, and I hate hearing about situations like this. No reasons those boys can’t clean up a bathroom or cook a meal.

Post # 12
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If I were your Future Mother-In-Law, I’d have thrown them out after the job thing!

Post # 13
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Could something cultural be at play here? I remember you posting in the past that you are in Egypt, so maybe it is more socially acceptable to not take a “menial” job and stay for a long time with relatives.

Post # 15
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I too would advise him to stick up for his mama.  Someone has got to make her important and it seems silly that she has to put up with all of this alone.

How is it beneath them to not work any job they can find, but it’s NOT beneath them to be evicted?

Feel bad for all of you!

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