(Closed) would it be rude of me to place a restriction on a guest?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I tell a friend not to take a girl who has harassed me as his date?
    Let him take whomever he wants. Its his choice : (20 votes)
    26 %
    Ask him not to take her. She is not his gf, and she makes me uncomfortable, so she shouldn't come : (57 votes)
    74 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    If you guys are friends, I think it’s totally okay for you to talk to him about this.  Let him know what happened between the two of you and tell him that it would make you uncomfortable to have her at your wedding.  Tell him that you really want him to be able to bring someone, but that she would definitely not be your first choice, for obvious reasons.  If he’s a good friend, he should understand!  I think it’s totally reasonable of you not to have someone who has harrassed you and seems to actively have negative feelings towards you at your wedding.  Who needs that?

    Post # 4
    Member
    2226 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Maybe you could just talk to him and express your concerns.  If you let him know how you’re feeling, rather than just saying “don’t bring so-and-so”, he may be more inclined to not bring her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1482 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think, etiquette-wise, that you can tell someone that they can’t bring a specific person.  However, does your friend know about the harassing emails the girl sent you?  Perhaps that might make them think twice about bringing her as their guest.

    Even if he does bring her, how much face time will you really have with your friend and this girl?  It’s quite possible that you will hardly notice that she’s there, and it would take a lot of balls for her to misbehave herself at your wedding. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think that if he is a good friend, he will respect your wishes and either bring no one at all, or bring someone different.  IF you explain how you feel about him bringing her

    Post # 8
    Member
    3124 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I think it’s pretty safe to tell him your concerns.. i don’t think that you even have to flat out say to not bring her. It sounds like he’s just keeping her around for some booty to be honest, since he’s dating multiple girls at once. He probably wouldn’t be into the idea of traveling far with her for this one day anyway.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would just talk to him and let him know that you’re concerned he’s going to bring her to the wedding and that she’s going to make you uncomfortable based on past experience. I’m sure he’ll understand. I wouldn’t just all out say, “You can’t bring her…” Just say there’s something bothering you and you just want him to be aware of your uneasiness towards her. I’m sure he’ll appreciate your honesty and will respect you by not bringing her.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, he would be an idiot to bring her. Is your friend an idiot? If no, then he isn’t going to bring her and you don’t need to worry. She sounds like the last person on the planet you would take to an out-of-state wedding for an opposite sex friend, much less one she has harassed.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1250 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    As long as yall are good friends and you can level with him about this, I think its appropriate. I think it could come off as really rude or inconsiderate if he’s someone you aren’t close to, but I think I would understand if I were in his shoes. You really don’t want drama on your wedding day…

    Post # 12
    Member
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Talk to him about it…let him know you’d not be comfortable with her there. He may say, ‘oh i wasn’t even planning on taking her!’, knowing she sent you some nasty messages in the past.

    Seriously though, guys are MUCH cooler with this kind of stuff than girls…he’ll just probably be “yeah cool no biggee!”

    Post # 13
    Member
    257 posts
    Helper bee

    I would talk to him and let him know your concerns. I think you have some very valid reasons for not wanting this chick there!

    Post # 14
    Member
    5153 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think you should just explain your concerns to him as soon as possible!

    Just be honest, upfront and explain your fears. You are just preventing drama on your wedding day and since you two are friends it shouldn’t be an issue.

    Better now then the night before the wedding…

    good luck!

    Post # 15
    Member
    523 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree, talk to him… just ask casually if he’s found a date. If you start with..”hey, don’t bring (annoying ex’s name)” and he’s already asked her, then it might be awkward for you both. If he says that he hasn’t asked anyone yet, then you can say that you’d prefer (annoying ex’s name) wasn’t his choice.

    really, though, you can’t restrict him, only make your wishes known…good luck!

    Post # 16
    Member
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Considering the fact that not only are they not serious but he’s dating other people.  I think its fine to ask him to choose someone else.  I would of been harder if this was his one and only.  Does he know that she tweaked on you before?  If so, he probably already assumes she’s not the one to take to your wedding. 

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