(Closed) Would it be that terrible if we only had 1 child?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 33
Member
2331 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I was an only child. I never really missed having a sister or a brother till my 20s. That’s when I really wanted that sister close in age to be my best friend. 

Being an only child made me incredibly independent too. I have been completely self sufficient and financially independent since I was 16 years old.

I want more than one kid only because I want a bigger family. My Fiance is a twin too so he wants at least 2 if not 3 kids.

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with having one and it is definitely not selfish towards the kid. 

Post # 34
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Everyone should be able to have the amount of kids they want (and can afford) without judgement, whether that’s zero, 1, 3, or 10. Do what’s best for your family.

Post # 35
Member
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m an only child who also did not live close to family. I’m also 3rd generation only child lol. I LOVEEEDDD being an only child! Unlike the other’s who have commented, I was never shy. My Fiance is 1/3 and sometimes I wonder what it would have been like growing up with a sibling but I’m glad I didn’t. I lost both of my parents by the time I wa 16 so I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with that. 

Post # 36
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would say have 1 child see how you feel and decide from there. I only wanted one kid when I had my son and decided now after one that I want more.

Post # 37
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

FoxyBride14:   I sure hope not, because I’m only planning on having one child! It seems so much more manageable to me. Plus, I was an only child and I had a fantastic childhood. There were some times when I was in grade school that I wished I had a brother, but I also wanted a pony and survived quite well without either and got over it quickly. And I’m not shy at all. Less shy than my husband who is one of three. I also think it was great to get so much devoted attention from my mom. We were very, very close. I got lots of help with homework and we went on amazing vacations. I went to the theater and ballet and nice dinners. I’m also very independant and get along very well with almost everyone. So while there are pros and cons to both side, I definitely don’t think you’re being selfish to only have one. That doesn’t even make sense to me. Your kid will be fine. Have as many as you want. Don’t worry about others that may have stupid judegements.

missjz:   I’m and only child and that was raised by a single mom and my mother died abotu 5 years ago and i never once wished I had a sibling tooooo have someone to talk to about memories of her. I’ve got my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins in the family. And I’m still very close to many of her good friends who are like extended family. Not an issue at all.

Post # 38
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

FoxyBride14:  I dont think its terrible for several reasons…. I myself am an only child and turned out just fine. Sure there were times I played with myself but I also had a ton of friends and cousins that I grew up with that were like siblings to me.

Darling Husband and I are having this debate because culturally he has been brainwashed its basically a mortal sin to only have one lol.

1) Im 34 and currently pg wih our first…. depending on certain circumstances we may not want to go for the second one asap which makes us both nervous about my age creeping up as my family has a history with “issues” such as infertility things and also chromasomal issues…..which leads into…

2) if you dont have the kids close together Im sorry but they will not be playing together in the way most people are talking about. I say this because I did have cousins who had siblings farther apart and cousins who were born when I was 4 years old and my point is you need to think about the math. I know Ive said this on a few other threads but if you wait until say your 1st child is 3 before ttc again then it takes a few months… then you have almost a year of pregnancy the child will be well in 4 years old maybe even 5 before the baby is born… a 5 year old cant “play” with a baby (even a 1 year old is a bit to small) so when the baby is 2 or older thats when that will kick in… so the first child will be 5-or 6 maybe even 7 before getting those “benefits”. At that point they will be in grade 1 and doing big boy/girl stuff….riding bikes playing with friends, maybe even sports? a child that age isnt going to want to play with a baby 2 year old toys for very long before they are bored…..

so… whether or not someone wants 2 or just 1… if you want the 2nd for those “they’ll be lonely/playing” reasons you pretty much need to get that shyte done asap…at least ttc when the first one is 2… otherwise I think (and hear) from everyone who does have siblings (including my Darling Husband, not just pulling this outta my butt)… that more then 3 years-ish gap is starting to get too much and they wont be close in that way until the youngest is older and can participate in things with them/interact on the same level.

3) there’s NO guarantee they will get along. I know plenty of siblings who just terrorized eachother and not in a “fun” way until they were in their late teens

4) We have worked it out financially and we could provide SO MANY MORE THINGS for 1 child then we could for 2. I know for some people having an extra isnt that big of a deal but for us it would be a massive financial hit. Can we do it? sure… Will we have 2? maybe… I dont know. What I do know is the opportunities we can provide this one child is vastly different and isnt that what we all want for our kids? the best opportunities in life? Im not saying with 2 they’d have a BAD life lol.. but we’d definatly be taking away from the first….(and I hope they never find out what they’re missing if we do have 2 lol) in MY opinion I dont think thats fair….. I think having 2 is selfish in that case!

5) I just dont believe that I need to have 2 children to be fufilled or to be a real family (as the comments my Mother-In-Law makes make it seem like…)

There are plenty of people out there struggling/trying to have ONE child and wishing and praying for a miracle baby….I know a lot of people struggling and relationships ruined over TTC….I was scared to death I’d have issues myself as my mom had really bad fertility problems and had a less then 1% chance of having me…

If you ask me I think its a selfish mentality to have thinking people HAVE to have more then one…and somewhat ignorant towards those who arnt as lucky to be fertile mertle! I think everyone has the right to decide whats best for them, and for us…we’ll see how things go and if we decide to we will, if not….. its no ones business and Im sure our daughter or son will be just fine 😉

Post # 39
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I have one child who’s 7 & he constantly tells me he wants a sibling. It’s an every week kinda thing. Yes he’s in school, yes he’s in sports but it’s during the moments where he has nothing going on , he’ll be in his room watching tv or playing his iPad , he eventually gets bored and starts complaining to me. He literally begs me for a brother or sister and I think that’s the hard part of only having onE child. There’s not to many boys in our neighborhood , it’s nothing but girls& I have no problem with that but there many things that could happen or things that could go wrong. Call me over protective but there are too many things going on in the world. And we can’t have our eyes on our kids 24/7. I myself was sexually assaulted when I was 11 yrs old by a neighbor. So instead of letting him play with the neighbors where I can’t keep an eye out the whole time, I might as well lower the chances of something bad happening and try to give him a sibling whenever I can. But how many kids you want is totally up to you. Everybody’s situation physically,financially , emtional & mind set is different . What ever works best for y’all’s family. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  Mrgrz07.
Post # 40
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Having children you don’t want is unfair to the child.

Post # 41
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have a sister that I’m not close with and never have been. Probably never will be either. I was also a very shy child but had plenty of friends. theres no guarantee your kids will get along or like each other. And the amount of siblings a child has does not dictate their personality. 

Were on the fence of one or two. Financially I think we may only be able to afford one. My husbands an only child and he turned out just fine. Have as many children as you want. 

Post # 42
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

FoxyBride14:  I really hate the “selfish” argument. The same thing is said to people with no kids. As if it’s your duty to procreate and you’re “selfish” if you don’t saddle yourself with more kids than you can manage. The argument is just so wrong. (BTW I have 3 kids).

The only reason that holds any water is whether it’s in some way unfair to the child. And from my observation of other people with no siblings (including the children of some close friends), I think by and large they do fine. So if you only want one, do that.

Post # 43
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

No kids but I’m an only child and it annoys me when people think that families absolutely HAVE to have more than one kid. Why? So your kids have a playmate? That’s what friends are for. So they have a built in best friend when they’re older? There is NO guarantee of that. I know more dysfunctional sibling relationships than those that are super close. 

There are pros and cons to all family sizes but as someone who has lived the life that you’re considering for almost 30 years, I can tell you that I’ve never once wished that I had a sibling. I’m super close with my parents and I have best friends that have been like sisters to me for almost 20 years. What exactly have I missed? Oh, sharing my parents time and finances? Yea, I’ll stick with being an only. lol 

Post # 44
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Not at all.  Where I live it’s pretty common to only have one child due to how expensive everything is here and people delaying marriage/babies well into their 30s.  

There’s nothing wrong at all with being an only child. 

Post # 45
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I was an only child and grew up pretty shy in social settings like school, but I always had neighborhood kids to play with (back in the day where kids actually went outside to play lol). I eventually grew out of the shyness as an adult but as a kid I had undivided attention from my parents. I wasnt a spoiled brat as a lot of people think only children are and I was pretty creative in keeping myself occupied. I would say that even as an adult I have issues sharing, lol. But it was a lot more affordable, only one college fund etc for my parents to worry about. Ultimately its up to you guys and what you really want, not what you “should” do.

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