(Closed) Would it be that terrible if we only had 1 child?

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 61
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Bellagio, Las Vegas

I have one son, and the questions about when I will have the next baby were never ending. I’m not sure why people think it’s odd to only have one. It’s been wonderful only having my son. He’s 5, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Post # 62
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am an only child.  I wasn’t shy or socially awkward, and I had a lot of friends as a kid.  I was in day care at an early age and met my best friend when I was 2. 28 years later we are still best friends. As an only child, I developed a very creative imagination and there were always friends and kids in our neighborhood that I played with.  I don’t remember ever feeling lonely, or sad about being an only child.  

If you only want one child, there is nothing wrong with that.  

Post # 63
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

There is nothing wrong with wanting 1 child or being an only child.

BUT for me (and I was in the same predicament as you), I had 2 (pretty close together in age) and I cannot IMAGINE life without the two. They entertain each other and play together and there is a camaderie there that I truly appreciate now.  For the life of me, I dont know how I would have entertained my son if he was an only child. Additionally, I am not the type of parents to always have a friend over, etc. so he may have been pretty lonely.  At the end of the day, to each his own.

Oh yeah, and surprisingly enough, having 2 was not that much harder than having just one. I used to think it would be twice as hard but not so. It’s like an economies of scale thing.  However, I will NOT be having more than 2 – not happening no matter the man I have.

Post # 64
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

‘carmarderie’

Post # 65
Member
6231 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

Unless something happens and we have twins, we have firmly decided on only one child. I fully expect to get a thousand un-ending comments about that decision, but it’s fine. I cannot picture myself with two children; I can clearly picture our family with one! Plus I know more-than-average grown up only children and they all think of it as an advantage.

🙂

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  .
Post # 66
Member
8686 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I have a sister and we are not close. I wonder why my parents felt the need for more than one child. My husband and I both agree that IF we have a child it will be only one. We can provide for him/her however we want and give that child whatever he/she needs with no issues. I dont understand the concept of it not being fair to the child if they dont have a brother or sister. 

Post # 67
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

It really depends.  I have a very large family with half siblings, step siblings, etc.  I love it.  My SO on the other hand is an only child and I know he hated it.  He told me he was always lonely, he never felt connected with his peers because he was used to only having older people around him.  That’s partly his parents fault because they could have helped him socialize more, but my SO is painfully shy sometimes.  I guess it depends: will there be children around their age they can play with/socialize with?  Will you be there for the child to play with instead of siblings?  I have amazing memories playing with my sister, the only one really close to my age.

 

Either way, it’s up to you!  It’s not horrible.  Some people like being only children, some people dislike it.  I can’t imagine it for myself, personally.

Post # 68
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I was an only child for 12 years, then I had a brother … then when I was 22, my mom had another baby.

Growing up as an only child, I was very bright because I read all the time.  My mom was overprotective and I wasn’t allowed to play with lots of the kids in my neighborhood because my mom thought they were bad kids or dirty, so I read a lot.  A LOT.  I got good grades and kept myself very entertained when we went places, because I was used to entertaining myself at home.  My mom wasn’t a very good mom – she was a single mom and she used to beat the crap out of me and I acted out like crazy because of it.

I think people who grew up with siblings have an understanding that shit just ain’t fair sometimes.  And I don’t think I have that.  I am outraged by tiny injustices and I get really stressed out when things don’t go my way.  Could be personality, could be the only child thing … who knows.  I am bossy and I don’t tolerate social awkwardness very well.  I’ll just leave the room before I’ll engage in what I consider to be excessive small talk.  I enjoy quality company – I’m not just someone who prefers to be alone completely – but I would rather be alone than make awkward small talk.  It really stresses me out to be “stuck” with people I don’t want to talk to.

I didn’t deal well with having a baby brother at first and when my mom got pregnant with my sister, I straight up didn’t talk to her for a while.  I think that it’s very unfair to space kids out so far like my mom did (especially because she was awful to me for many years, and she’s like mom of the year to my siblings).  I’m basically an awkward second mom to both of my siblings … not actually a big sister figure.  I don’t know if my brother ever even remembers me living in the house, and I have never lived with my sister.  But I still get stuck babysitting alllll the time!

I know a lot of “only children” who are odd little ducks.  Just like … lack of social skills, maybe.  But that’s not limited to only children … there are tons of weirdos out there.

Post # 69
Member
519 posts
Busy bee

FoxyBride14:  missjz:  I have one sister and ‘we don’t get along’ is an understatement. We havent spoken in a few years and at family gatherings are, at most, civil. There isno guaruntee siblings will get along, be close, or be best friends.

OP, if a child is an only one and is lonely, it is the parents responsibility to ensure they’re getting proper socialization through community activities such as sports, arts, clubs, etc. And some children will be more independent and actually crave and enjoy their alone time. Every situation is different.

Post # 70
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

FoxyBride14:  I don’t know I think being a only child has different points. I am for it personally. 

  1. parents can afford to give the child more experiences. ie..trips to Disney world are way more affordable with one child over 2. 
  2. as long as you socialize your child, set up play dates, encourage friendships, have sleep overs your only child shouldn’t feel really lonely
  3. cousins could be like siblings. focous on the importance of family
  4. did I mention affordable!?!
Post # 71
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  

Your SD’s behavior is a direct reflection on how she’s allowed to behave. My son is well adjusted, is polite, deals with annoyances and issues as well as can be expected for his age and shares like a champ. He will hand over his favorite turtles, cars, trains, swords or iPad without question. The only thing he refuses to share is his lovey stuffed animal he’s slept with since his father left. In my opinion if someone allows the child to act that way, they will. I know several multi children households that have children just like what you described. 

Post # 72
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

FoxyBride14:  I’m pregnant with our first and only child now. We only want one and have always only wanted one. That may change in the future but right now one is good by us.

I’ve had many people say “Oh you need two” or “When are you having another” …mind you I’m STILL PREGANT WITH #1! I say we aren’t and get looks, questions, eye rolls, rude comments etc. but I just stick to my guns, one is all we want.

It really isn’t up to anyone but you and your SO to have or not have children, there isn’t a magical number you must have, it’s what you want and what you are comfortable with. If anyone else has a problem with it that’s on them for being an asshole.

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