Post # 1
So, one of my first professors at a community college heavily influenced and helped me become the woman I am today (this was about 7 years ago.) She is so incredible, inspiring, and brilliant. She encouraged me, and made me feel like I was actually capable of doing great things with my life.
I took every class she taught. The last one though, I flunked out of college… so she obviously had to give me an F. I’ve always been embarassed about that… and I feel like I let her down. She believed in me SO MUCH, and then boom. I drop out.
I’m “friends” with her on FB, (in fact, when I originally “Friend requested” her, she said she normally doesn’t add students, but she’d make an exception for me,) and whenever I’m home, I always try and stop in her office on campus for a quick chat and catch-up.
I want to invite her (and her husband) to my wedding but… would that be weird?
I’d have to message her on FB first to ask for her address, and I don’t even know how I would possibly word that message. “Hi Dr (X), I’d like to invite you and your husband to my wedding next year, but I don’t have your address. Can I have it?”
…And then what if she just responds with “No thanks, I don’t want to come.” or “No, I’ll be busy.” ….I’ll feel like a jerk. :
Would it be weird to invite her in the first place? How would I word the email to ask her for her address? Any other suggestions?
Post # 3
@LadyMoriarty: Why do you need her home address? Send the invitation to the college.
If she was that important to you, no I don’t think it’s weird. You may want to add though (perhaps by an extra note, perhaps by facebook message) that you won’t be offended if she can’t come.
I can’t imagine why you’d feel like a jerk if she can’t come.
Post # 4
@paula1248: I guess jerk was a weird word; I’d feel embarrassed if she flat out said no. I’m not sure I want to send the invitation to the college, that seems odd.
Post # 5
It’s not uncommon in academia to send a prof their invitation at the university. There’s nothing wrong with sending an invitation, but don’t take it personally if she declines. Some profs simply univerally decline former student invitations and she may simply be busy. Send it to the college, see what happens and don’t let it cast a damper on your day should you get a no.
Post # 6
I see nothing wrong in inviting your professor since she’s such an important factor in how you became, well, you. FI and I are inviting our respective doctoral advisors to our wedding. He just finished grad school, and I’m still in it.
Post # 7
I invited an professor from my undergraduate school who had a large influence on my life. I sent the invitation to his university mailbox and he was actually thrilled and will be attending.
My current doctoral advisor and his wife are not attending though – go figure. (Nothing personal – schedule conflict.)
Post # 8
@Cappugcino: Ooh ok, I didn’t know that’s how it was done. Thanks 🙂
Post # 9
@hyperJulie: Where would I find her university address? I know the address of the college, but what department do I direct it to? Her website on the college’s website hasn’t been updated since 2010… so I don’t know if her office is still in the same building. I know she still works at that campus, though.
Post # 10
@LadyMoriarty: It’s not weird at all, and she would never flat out tell you that she didn’t want to come. Honestly, if she didn’t want to come, she just wouldn’t RSVP. I think because you chat with her whenever you can, it wouldn’t be awkward. She, as all professors should, understands that circumstances happen and that sometimes students don’t make the best choices, and sometimes things are out of their control. We’re all human! While she may have been disappointed at the way your college career ended with her, she doesn’t think you’re a bad person because of it (because you’re not!) This was very hard for me to make peace with for a long time after I dropped out of school. But you know what? You made a choice for you, and you’re still around today, and obviously engaged, so things are going right. Invite whomever you wish to your wedding. I’m certain that your professor will be thrilled to attend.
Post # 11
Yes especially if you have no relationship with her outside of Facebook.
Post # 12
@LadyMoriarty: Most universities have an internal (paper) mail system, so if you address it to “Dr. X, Department of Y” followed by the university’s published address, it should find her.
If you’re not sure what department she is, look on the university web site and find the department which sounds like hers. Then phone or email the reception of that department and ask how to send a letter to her. If they’ve never heard of her, you know it’s the wrong department 🙂
Post # 13
@LadyMoriarty: It’s not weird to invite your professor. As far as how to word things, you can send her a message over FB, let the professor know that you would like to invite her to your wedding and ask her to please give you a ‘snail mail’ address that you can send the invitation. That way she can choose her school vs home address.
If she cannot attend, do not be offended or feel bad. In academics it is hard to take time off.
Post # 14
@LadyMoriarty: My professor had his professional address as part of an automatic signature on his email, so that’s how I got it.
The basic format was
Someplace, NY 55555
Like someone mentioned above, you should be able to get the address by calling the department your professor is affiliated with. If you’re not sure on the department, you could always check what she’s listed as at ratemyprofessors.com.