Post # 1
Ok ladies…this is my first post EVER 🙂 I’ve only been engaged for 2 weeks, but I just got off of the phone with my mother and ended up with a dilemma. I have 2 siblings, a sister and a brother. My sister is 17 years older than I am, doubles as my God Mother, and will DEFINITELY (good Lord willing) be my Maid/Matron of Honor. My brother is 2 years older than me but we are not close at all. We’ve never fallen out or anything, we are just not close. We never talk…he’s met my fiance (then boyfriend) and didn’t say one word to him. My mom told him I was engaged (she was there during the proposal), and he never called to say congrats (or even sent a text to me for that matter), he simply responded to my mom by saying “Well, if he’s a nice guy then tell her I said congrats”. I can’t remember the last time we talked on the phone. Long story short, I think I’m sort of in the resentful stage. I’ve expressed my concern of our relationship before…really wanting a big brother who cared about me, and nothing came of it, so I gave up.
So…I’m on the phone with my mom and I’m rambling off my ideas for my wedding party, ushers, hostesses, personal attendant, etc., and she says “what about your brother?”. Ok, honestly…he never even crossed my mind. I felt a LITTLE (very little) bad about not thinking of him, but I can’t figure out where I would even put him. I feel like he would make my FI’s Groomsman feel a little awkward because he doesn’t know them, and doesn’t usually interact well with people he doesn’t know and doesn’t care to know. My Fiance has a really good “little brother” type who I think would be honored to be an usher. AND…truthfully….I kind of feel like my brother wouldn’t even CARE (if it weren’t for what other people might say about him not being in the wedding). He’s just not involved in my life like that. And just to be fair….we are not on bad terms. WHen we see each other, we hug and be merry (LOL), but outside of that, there’s nothing.
I’m just torn…opinions please!
Post # 3
My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my brother is taking no part in our wedding. He is 4 years older then me, already married. I was in his wedding. But we are not close at all, so hes not in mine.
I would say have it the way you want. But if he seems out of the loop then you can always add him in.
Post # 4
My brother is my only sibling, and he was the only person in his family not involved in my wedding. My sister-in-law, two nieces and my nephew were all in the family, and yet my brother wasn’t. To be fair, this was at his request, but I don’t think that there’s any hard rule that states that just because someone is a sibling they MUST be involved in your wedding. If you’re not close, you’re not close. It’s that simple.
Post # 5
I think it’ll be ok. My cousin got married and they didn’t have any of his family in the wedding. No one thought it was weird. I’m having my sister because I had to find 6 bms and she said “well, don’t feel like you have to make me your moh.” after we got engaged. I felt that meant she wanted to be a bm. He seems like he couldn’t give a shit. Don’t worry about it.
Post # 6
My brother wasn’t in my wedding party, hell he didnt even show up for the wedding. (long story on that) but yeah it is most definately okay not to have a sibling in the wedding
Post # 7
I’m in the same situation with my wedding. I am not including him in the bridal party, and honestly, I don’t think he cares. If your brother would be hurt, I would say consider including him, but it doesn’t sound like he would mind too much.
Post # 8
Your brother doesn’t need to be in the wedding. The groomsmen are up to your Fiance, not you, and definitely not your mother. If you want to include him, you could have him do a reading or get him a bout to match the guys’ so he feels special.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
He doesn’t need to be in the wedding. If you want to have him involved, he could be an usher (wouldn’t have to get a tux), or he could do a reading. Just because you’re related, it doesn’t mean you’re close, and the people standing up for you should be.
Post # 10
PHew…ok…good. You ladies are making me feel much better. I was starting to think I was just a horrible person for not really caring. Haha. My coordinator says I could just make him an Usher. I gues that would at least appease my mother who told me “he’s your brother, you have to give him something” (she wants us to be so close but we just aren’t and it breaks her heart). I guess I’ll at least consider that.
Glad to know I’m not alone though! Thank you ladies!
Post # 11
I’m in a similar boat… not close with my only brother and he lives across the country too…I’d been planning to just have him as a guest… but he put us in his wedding because he thinks it’s obligation… so that really threw a wrench in it. I was thinking maybe I’ll just have some sort of honorary family acknowledgement thing designated by special flowers for them and maybe a line in the ceremony, but not him and his wife in the wedding party… I mean, our parents aren’t standing up there, so why should it be an obligation to have him do more than them? Perhaps that could work for your family too? From the weddings I’ve attended or been in, it seems more trouble than it’s worth to have anyone in the wedding party that isn’t friendly and willing to help.
Post # 12
I don’t think family should be in the party just because they’re family. They should earn that place just like everyone else
Post # 13
I feel strongly that the people who are a significant part of your wedding should also be a significant part of your life. Just because he’s a blood relative doesn’t mean you are obligated to include him beyond an invitation to the wedding. Especially as you’ve indicated you don’t think he’d be bothered either way about being included, I wouldn’t stress about it. If he wants to be more involved in your life, he’ll make the effort, otherwise let this one go. You’ll have lots more to stress about! 🙂
Post # 14
My brother is not a groomsmen but he is going to be an usher. I don’t feel that siblings have to be in the bridal party. If your not that close anyways, chances are he isn’t going to care either way.
Post # 15
@BlissfulBlueBride: What you need to do is take a deep breath and call your brother. If I were you, I’d be honest with him. I’d call him and I’d say I need to talk to you because I’m getting married.
Then I’d ask him how he feels about the wedding and if he wants to be a part of it, if he wants to even attend. Look at it as a chance to reconcile with him, but don’t expect that it will actually happen. Don’t feel you have to make it happen. Just at least be there in the moment with your brother without resentment or anger. Just you and him discussing real feelings.
After you talk to him, I think the conclusion will be that he doesn’t want that pressure. If you get the sense that he doesn’t want to be a part of the wedding, let him know that it’s okay. you are not hurt, but he could be helpful by conveying to your mom that he doesn’t want to participate. If by some miracle, he does want to, let him be an usher. If you already have enough, one more won’t hurt and it again relieves the pressure of whether he’ll go a good job because you know others are there also ushering.
The bottom line is that you need to clear this up with your brother or your wedding will forever mark an awkward time for the both of you if you wind up making a decision FOR him without knowing how he truly feels.