(Closed) Would it bother you if your fiance’s groomsmen were cheaters?

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That would piss me off too.  I’d probably tell him that I was really uncomfortable with him spending too much time with them, just because of that, and I really REALLY don’t like to tell him what to do, or who to hang out with.  But that’s a bit low. 

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I personally would not ask these people to be in the wedding. For me, being faithful is a sine qua non condition to a healthy marriage, and the wedding is the celebration of your marriage. Therefore, I would want people in my wedding to represent what a marriage is about.  The wedding party are people who are close to you who should be able to help you in the hard times of your marriage – not trying to influence one to be unfaithful or else. It’s all about the symbolism of it; even if I knew that my fiancé would not engage in this kind of behavior. I would explain it like this to him, if it were me.

However, if you already asked these guys, I guess it’s kinda too late huh?

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yikes, it would bother me if J was friends with anyone like that at all!

Post # 6
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yyyyyyyyyyyyeah that’s about 30 miles north of disrespectful. They need to find a new hobby and NOW. I assume your Fiance tells them to knock it off when they start in on that bs, yes?

Post # 7
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Absolutely.  It would bother me if he was friends with them or at least good friends.  By no means have I ever or would I ever tell my Fiance who he can be friends with.  But, I feel like part of being a good person is having genuine friendships with people who are good people, share my values etc.  If he was good friends with someone I thought wasn’t a good person – it would be a problem, let alone if he wanted him up there as we said our vows.

Post # 8
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yea, I have dated guys in the past who have idiot friends. I’m delighted to say that Mt. Wonderful’s friends are all equally wonderful.

In your case, it almost seems like an oxy-moron to have these guys standing up to support your marriage.

Hopefully once you are married, your husband will slowly realize that he just isn’t in the same place in his life that his buddies are and they will slowly fade away and come around only occasionally until they, too, grow up a little. A lot of that “guy crap” can be an age thing, too, and they do get better as they get older.

Post # 9
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It would bother me too, and I would def not want my Fiance hanging out with them; let alone have them in the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I would be incredibly upset if Fiance associated with people like that, even if they didn’t encourage him to cheat on me. I value integrity and character extremely highly and am lucky to be marrying a man who feels the same way. We are both shocked and disgusted by anyone who would hurt their SO so deeply in this way. I wouldn’t want them around at all knowing they are cheaters, but the fact that they are in the habit of encouraging your Fiance to cheat on you is an obscene slap in the face to you and to the commitment you and your Fiance are making.

Unfortunately, having vented my feelings there, I have to advise that it isn’t a good idea to un-ask them as groomsmen. They’re your FI’s friends, and the time of planning a wedding is not a good time to ask him to find an entire new group of friends. Try to have a fantastic wedding day through ignoring them. Hopefully your Fiance will understand when you do explain to him that this is a big deal to you, and that if he is going to continue to be friends with them, he’ll have to at least take a stand in defense of commitment and fidelity by firmly telling them to lay off the “egging him on” crap.

Fiance and I are lucky that his friends are wonderful men. I’m very glad to be sharing our wedding day with them.

Post # 11
Member
7409 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think thats awful.  Is Fiance comfortable with the fact that some of his closest friends are of questionable moral character?  Would he want those guys dating his sister?  I’d hate to be in your situation- im sorry!

Post # 12
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I completely agree. My FH’s friends that were like that in the past never pressured him to be like that, but now they are all married and faithful husbands. If they had not changed, I doubt my FH would have had them in our wedding because it gets pretty annoying to have to defend yourself all them time to people who feel like you should sleep around.

Post # 13
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think the wedding part of this would bother me that much. I can see wanting your closest friends (even if they are of questionable moral character) in your wedding party.

However, I would have a problem with him spending so much alone time with them. Part of trust is trusting that your SO will not put him(her)self in unquestionable situations. It really doesn’t even matter that a person doesn’t do anything; just putting yourself in that situation can (and probably will eventually) erode the trust within your relationship. I do no know if I could stay in a relationship with that type of person. Luckily my Fiance feels the same.

Post # 14
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would definitely be bothered by these guys, however, I would be even more bothered by the fact that my FH chooses to associate with people who encourage him to cheat on me. It has nothing to do with trusting him, it is just that I would feel completely disrespected if he enjoyed spending time with people who chose to degrade me like that. I don’t think that is okay, and I think you should voice your concerns to your FH.

Post # 15
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

absolutely I would be pissed. Whether or not he listens to them encouraging him to cheat – they obviously do not respect you or your relationship with him if they do that. Therefore I would not want him hanging out with them, and I think people in the Bridal Party should be those who support the marriage between you guys.

Would he want you hanging out with girls who encourage you to cheat???

 

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