(Closed) Would it bother you if your SO’s best friend was female?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Would it bother you if your SO's best friend was female?
    yes, I wouldn't allow it : (48 votes)
    29 %
    yes, but I wouldn't say anything or stop it : (45 votes)
    27 %
    no, not at all : (62 votes)
    38 %
    other (explain) : (9 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1493 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    @Mrs.Lonestar: My husband has a female best friend. We get along awesomely. She stood up in our wedding and got along well with my best friend. We also share the love of knitting, so I send her Christmas presents of yarn and coffee. We get along really well. So, no problem here.

    Post # 4
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    I voted “yes, and I wouldn’t allow it” because that is closest to how I feel.  When I say “wouldn’t allow it” — it’s not that I think I can or should control him — it’s up to him what he does ultimately — but I would let him know how i felt about it, and if it was a cause of problems and he wanted to keep a deep relationship with another woman, that might be a deal breaker for me, because I would see it as something that weakened our relationship from the start.  It’s one thing to have female friends and colleagues, but it’s another thing to have a best friend.  Best friend implies a deep confidence and emotional support / sharing, which is something I see as the role of the spouse in marriage (or the increasing role of a girl friend in a relationship).  With a female best friend, he may be tempted to share things with her that he should share with his girl friend.  How can you be the one to meet those special needs if they are already being met by another woman?  I would really need to know more details of the friendship before I gave a full opinion.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    14495 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    One of my DHs best friends is a female and I love her, but they are more than likely going to head to a strip club together then to ever make out.  No worries here.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Nope wouldn’t bother me at all; though I’m most compatible with guys who aren’t jealous/possessive.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    It wouldn’t bother me at all, as long as we were cool and she respected our relationship.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3871 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it depends.  I think it depends on how we (the girl and I) interact.  If I get a bad vibe from her or I think she is flirting or too touchy and she’s single and might have feelings for him, then I would probably get annoyed and be very cautious around her.  But if we’re fine and we get along, I probably wouldn’t be worried about her.  I guess it comes down to whether or not I think she has an alterior motive.

    Post # 10
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I have 3 close friends and they are all guys, we’ve been friends for 9 yrs, 6 yrs and 5 yrs. One had a major crush on me for a few years but it never hurt our friendship. My Fiance doesn’t seem to mind. If my Fiance had a female BFF when we met I’d be okay with it but not if he decided to make one now… I’d flip. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @HappilyEverAfter54: Just curious–why is it not okay for him to make a new female friend now?

    Post # 12
    Member
    10714 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Mrs Grape: mostly because over the course of our relationship I’ve met all of his friends and not one of them was a female when I asked him about this he said I’m the only girl he needs, he said he has enough friends. lol So him having a new best girl friend would be very very odd and definitely make me feel uncomfortable.

    Post # 13
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My best friends are all guys, and my SO has a lot of female friends. If a guy tried to tell a girl who she could and could not be friends with, that would be considered controlling and inappropriate. I think it cuts both ways, he doesn’t get to control who my friends are, and I don’t get to control who his friends are. Now of course it would be different if there was a reason to believe that he wanted to have more than a platonic relationship with a female best friend, but it’s not really fair to assume a guy MUST want to be more than platonic friends just because she’s female.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3522 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @mile end: I couldn’t have said this better myself. I have been in relationships before where I was forbidden to have male friends. It’s bullshit, quite frankly, and it feels horrible for your partner to be suspicious of you and your motives. So, my logic is: Why would I do it to someone else?

    It’s one thing to agree upon no friends of the opposite sex (which I personally find limiting and very strange, but to each their own); it’s quite another to forbid it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i agree with happily ever after…on account of the fact that if they got close and still are not together by now there must be a reason for that …as long as it wasnt because one didnt want the other i would be fine with that …after watching carefully on the matter…but for your partner to get close to another woman after you got together is dangerous ground…it can equate to an emotional affair…and even if he didnt think anything of it he may be giving out the wrong signals and she might want something more…its just asking for trouble and not nessacary.

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